To think this is exclusionary?

[DoNOTShakeItOff]

My DC attend a fantastic state primary. The head is like a pseudo mum to every DC in the school and the teachers are, so far at least, fab. Down to earth & approachable, like the head. There's absolutely no backstory or history, it's just this one issue that I need to know if I'm being ridiculous about. I guess this is more AIBR than AIBU!

The PTA. Now, if I was to guess I'd say a good 70% (if not more) of the parents at the school just happen to be middle class, given the area. Plenty of sports cars & Bentleys etc (I'm not saying any of this out of resentment btw as I've grown up round here and it's a fairly frequent sight). It is what it is, you get that in many areas. I helped out the PTA once and they're alllll clearly very wealthy people. All of them.

Trouble is, I regularly think they forget that this is, after all is said & done, a bloody state school! Not a private school. So not everyone is wealthy and still quite a few kids (my DC included due to my disabilities), receive pupil premium. Again, it is what it is. Our situation has arisen since DC arrived and was entirely unavoidable and not of my doing. Hence why DC go to state school and not private school.

Here's the issue - Twice a year, the PTA put on this 'Ball' for £60 a ticket and the flyer says this is open to all parents & staff. £60!

So obviously those of us who can’t justify £60 on a school event, don't buy a ticket. We just have to see the photos on social media of the staff, PTA & other wealthy parents posing in ball gowns at the local very prestigious 'hall'. It has an air of "This is what you're missing out on, paupers!" - I'm not the only parent to feel like this, btw. A few have commented on how exclusionary it is.
Also, this is whilst us 'paupers' get a £2.50 kids disco in the school hall and a bag of crisps. AIBR?!

I know I'll simply be declared 'jealous' by narrow minded posters looking for a pile on, but it's not about jealousy! It's so much more than that. I could afford to attend without much issue but I would never, ever attend any school event that excluded other parents based on cost. Even if I was driving around in a Bentley instead of my KIA!

They don'tdo some sort if 'promises' or 'raffles' or auction while they are at the event?

Why not start a new mid-price event for people too snobby for a disco but for whom £60 is too much?

It's fundraising that benefits all pupils. They also do cheap events. I wouldn't criticise that.

I can't think of a much worse night out- except a hen night. I just wouldn't go anyway.

Thank goodness for the PTA. Always being moaned about but giving up hours of their time to raise money for ALL the children! Yes, ALL the children. Perhaps give your own time up to organise something that is more affordable. I can guarantee you people will moan about you, won’t support you and you will wonder, as I regularly do, why you bothered.

I actually don’t see what’s wrong with it. They are including everyone with a range of activities.

If you want a near-to-free event, you aren’t going to get much more than a school disco in the sports hall. You now what you don’t want, but you don’t have any idea really what you do want.

I suspect your feelings about becoming disabled are being directed at the people who go to the ball. Those are the feelings you need to address.

Sounds like great value and a fun night out. Winner!

@Musclebeach You sound incredibly angry! Are you ok?

The only reason I can afford it is because I'm disabled! I've already explained that and the only reason I said that I could afford it, was to make it clear that this is not a jealousy issue - as I knew some posters would immediately declare jealousy, trying to start a pile on. 🙄

If having an issue with a state primary excluding parents from a social event because they want it to be 'middle class only' makes me "sanctimonious" then I'll take that.

Fine. You organise an alternative one at £20 a head. People who choose to pay £60 will go to that. People who can only afford £20 can go to yours.
Although they'll also be people wouldn't afford that, so also organise one for £5, and you better do a free one for those that can't pay anything.

or in the real world, those that can afford the £60 and want to will go. A few of those will have to save up a bit for it, some will just pay it.
and the rest of us will go "I've a better use of £60, hope it goes well and they enjoy it" and not think about it again.

@DoreenonTill8 Please point out where I've said that I want ANYTHING to be centred on me?!?! That's my worst nightmare!

Thank you for this sensible, mature response 👍🏻 I'll do just that.

@DoNOTShakeItOff what's your issue? Really it sounds like you want to stop people who want to do a thing from doing a thing because 'sanctimonious reasons'?

No, as I've said a few times now, not a fundraiser. They decided not to as it would add an additional cost to the ticket price

Do you actually want to go?

You could always go to some PTA meetings, help out, suggest a cheaper mum's night out if you'd like to socialise with them all?

@StormingNorman Where did I say I wanted a near to free event? You've just made that up!

@qualifiedazure Way to spectacularly miss the point! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Generally PTA’s are massively under staffed by parent helpers. Parents (who never ever help) do loads of whinging. Why not offer to work the ball? You don’t get charged for tickets if you help. Usually at balls there is either a charity narrative or auction - to raise funds. Otherwise how would they justify the outlay of organising costs? Most PTA’s have a constitution to enhance the pupil’s experience, so throwing parties to benefit adults, that doesn’t raise funds for the school wouldn’t generally be agreeable for the school. Also why would the adults want to attend, just for the hell of it? Sounds like BS. I’d ask the headteacher directly if you feel excluded.

£60 seems reasonable assuming that includes a meal & a band at a semi nice venue. Cheaper than most staff Christmas nights out- why is it exclusionary? They have to cover costs, it's not being subsidised.

I don't understand why it isn't raising money for the school? We had a ball last year (£40 a ticket I believe) and with raffle etc raised £3k.

If it's just a social fair enough but seems odd. I agree £60 is not accessible to all but equally not everyone would want to go anyway.

Ball gowns don't have to cost a fortune - mine last year was from Dorothy Perkins!

Ps your description sounds very much like Hagley Primary 🙈

Why on earth^^ would I want to work there?! For what purpose?! I've already said I wouldn't attend the event on principle. Yet you want me to 'serve' these people like a servant?! Despite the fact that I've already mentioned how I'm severely disabled!
If you can’t read the full thread then why post at all?!

@whydoihavetowork Not Hagley? No idea where that is. This is North Yorkshire

Does it raise money for a charity instead? PTA’s often do these things for NSPCC or similar. If this isn’t the case I’d ask the head teacher, it doesn’t have to be confrontational.

@80smonster As I've already stated at least 4 times, this is a social event. Not raising money for anything or anyone.

What your outlining is constitutionally unsound and if what you are asserting is correct, it would be worth a conversation with the school. Why don’t you speak to them and report back on this thread?

Who takes money for the tickets? To where is this money paid? I’m a co-chair for a PTA (very wealthy school). Have you spoken to the school?