To think this is exclusionary?

[DoNOTShakeItOff]

My DC attend a fantastic state primary. The head is like a pseudo mum to every DC in the school and the teachers are, so far at least, fab. Down to earth & approachable, like the head. There's absolutely no backstory or history, it's just this one issue that I need to know if I'm being ridiculous about. I guess this is more AIBR than AIBU!

The PTA. Now, if I was to guess I'd say a good 70% (if not more) of the parents at the school just happen to be middle class, given the area. Plenty of sports cars & Bentleys etc (I'm not saying any of this out of resentment btw as I've grown up round here and it's a fairly frequent sight). It is what it is, you get that in many areas. I helped out the PTA once and they're alllll clearly very wealthy people. All of them.

Trouble is, I regularly think they forget that this is, after all is said & done, a bloody state school! Not a private school. So not everyone is wealthy and still quite a few kids (my DC included due to my disabilities), receive pupil premium. Again, it is what it is. Our situation has arisen since DC arrived and was entirely unavoidable and not of my doing. Hence why DC go to state school and not private school.

Here's the issue - Twice a year, the PTA put on this 'Ball' for £60 a ticket and the flyer says this is open to all parents & staff. £60!

So obviously those of us who can’t justify £60 on a school event, don't buy a ticket. We just have to see the photos on social media of the staff, PTA & other wealthy parents posing in ball gowns at the local very prestigious 'hall'. It has an air of "This is what you're missing out on, paupers!" - I'm not the only parent to feel like this, btw. A few have commented on how exclusionary it is.
Also, this is whilst us 'paupers' get a £2.50 kids disco in the school hall and a bag of crisps. AIBR?!

I know I'll simply be declared 'jealous' by narrow minded posters looking for a pile on, but it's not about jealousy! It's so much more than that. I could afford to attend without much issue but I would never, ever attend any school event that excluded other parents based on cost. Even if I was driving around in a Bentley instead of my KIA!

Put pen to paper, and write to the Chair of Governors, to make them aware of the situation.

Yep and then post the response here please.

but if people know its happening in advance and if costs have to be covered then why not save for the event ?

Few questions OP:

Who receives the ticket money?

Are there any extras on sale during the evening - drinks, raffle tickets etc?If so, who receives the proceeds of these additional sales?

If there is categorically, 100% definitely no fundraising whatsoever, what is the sole purpose of the event? Have you asked the headteacher to explain why it takes place?

How many tickets are available and how many people attend the ball every year? How many Pupil Premium families are there in the school?

And surely the "poor people kids disco" is actually an event for the children so not comparable?? The "rich" folk could attend this too - as it's a kids' disco, not it's not really a poor person's equivalent?

I couldn't afford a £60 ticket to attend an event but given the demographic you describe, it doesn't seem out of keeping for the school. And presumably, since this is a repeat event, there's no problem with attendance. I can't imagine that a ballgown, 9-course event that isn't well-attended would be repeated because the ticket sales wouldn't cover the costs.

And that's the point really. If it IS well-attended then really it's an event for which there's clearly a demand.

You're very scathing about the work your PTA does - maybe get involved and organise a few events yourself? I was on a PTA for several years and even a simple bake sale takes a lot of time to get sorted. The demographic at our school was very, very different to yours but being on the PTA is a bloody thankless job.

There are lots of great ideas on this thread about how to make the event more accessible - but there are even more ideas that could be brainstormed. It is worth considering the overall demographic for the school, and where the line needs to lie. There seems to be the demand for a ball because it's obviously well-attended. Getting dressed up in ballgowns sounds like a fun occasion - I think the focus might need to be on how to make it accessible for Pupil Premium families rather than downgrading the event. I'm suggesting this on the basis that the ball does actually serve a purpose - even if that purpose is just helping to build relationships between the parents and the teachers.

If you have concerns that aren't being taken seriously then raise the matter with the school governors. Because I'm clearly an interfering busybody 😅 I was also a school governor. If there are any concerns about the activities of the school/PTA, then the governors will want to know.

if it was a result of the efforts they do ect and they did open up the event then costs still have to be covered one way or another so then what besides if it was free how many would turn up and take the biscuit at the event because its free ?

So why are you doing it? I have a standing order for £10 per child a month and don't get involved. I don't have enough time.

I think the thing to do is tell them. Honestly, I’ve known so many people who are actually quite nice, but it just would not occur to them that £60 is a lot of money for many people! If they’re told straight up that a lot of people can’t afford it, and it is getting in the way of the school feeling like a single community, maybe they’ll realise that a bring and share picnic is far more appropriate…

Rich people - ball
Poor people- disco

Is the disco not for all the kids? I don’t get this bit.

In life there's things that people can afford and things that people can't. That's life. When I was in a situation where I was really struggling, if I wanted to go to an annual even that cost me £60 for a ticket I had a year to put the money away and make it work. If I didn't want to do that then I wouldn't. YABU.

A scandal where two innocent spouses and their kids were hurt and you are gloating about this?

Explain to me how you sound any nicer?

If you get upset every time someone has a good night out that you personally cannot afford, two things are guaranteed: you will spend a lot of time being upset and you will get very little sympathy.

I dont actually see the massive problem.

The invite is open to all, some things are unaffordable to some people, and everyone has a different point of unaffordable

My sons state school offers a couple of abroad trips a year in school holidays. These cost more than our family holiday budget so my kids dont go.

I'm not outraged that they do these trips tho, I just tell my kids we cant afford it and they say ok. We can afford the cheaper trips so they do go.

I dont see the cheaper trips as an insult , its just life that we cant afford the bigger ones.

The school posts photos of the kids and teachers who have gone having fun on their holiday on the social media page, I barely register the photos or sometimes click like if I'm aimlessly scrolling. I again dont see it as a dig or rubbing it in though ...again I see it as life and not a moral outrage

If you are so unhappy with the PTA, why not ask to join so you can become involved in making suggestions of activitis if you feel they dont do enough,or they dont offer enough opportunities for all?

I would say a fancy ball is fine if it were both a fundraiser AND there were discounted tickets for children on PP. Perhaps also a reward or pize based on merit/behaviour for some of the children etc.

If the circumstances are as OP describe, however, it does seem exclusionary. There are many different alternatives that everyone can enjoy. The idea of a poor person's disco would feel like a slap in the face

Hi op,

I think it is nice that they tfy to make it nice. But I understand that seeing what they are having done for them that you can’t access seems unfair.
Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is talk to them about a reduction for child that couldn’t afford them otherwise? And the answer might be no. You also have to think that if they all are very wealthy and that your kid is not…do you want not just to see but hear about all their fab ventures?

Again. I think it is nice that they try to make it nice. You should prep your kid for life and see that people get things he doesn’t. That happens to everyone. Even middle class, yeap!

Good luck 🌺

It sounds over the top for a PTA event in a state primary school. No state school should be putting on events that poorer parents will never be able to attend.

As the OP has stated, this is purely a social not a fundraising event so they cannot even justify the high ticket prices by saying it is raising funds for the school.

My dd’s school did this. It didn’t enter my head to get bothered about it. I couldn’t afford it. End of.
life is full of situations like this. Some people have more money than others.

So this is a state school with the usual state school funding, but very little money raised by the PTA for any nice extras? Do parents just donate without there being a summer fair?

It does seem pointless that no money is being given raised by the ball - but I'm also curious as to how much you think is affordable for everyone? There will always be parents that can't afford to attend something and have to hear it talked about and see jolly pictures on social media, even if it's just Bingo night.

Because if you couldn't tell from my post, these women acted like they were so above the rest of us mere mortals who dared to not be well off or shockingly rented a home rather than owned it outright.

They literally swanned about making it very obvious they looked down on us.

So when that happened, yeah, it did feel amusing because the head was the worst one of all of them and used to be so sneering about things at school and in the playground.

Trust me when I say these women were horrible. One of them lost her shit with me when my DD got a higher SATs grade then her son, demanding to know who I got to tutor her. Purely because the school had previously held a meeting on the SATS and I had voiced that to my mind they weren't testing the children, they wanted to gauge the quality of teaching and wouldn't be putting pressure on DD at that age.

This woman felt that her son did whatever reason deserved a higher grade because she had got him a tutor and we were poor!

You are coming across as a bit bitter and jealous to be honest.
If the expensive event was the ONLY thing The PTA did you might have a point but would you rather they only do the cheaper events?
The point of a PTA should be to raise funds for school so if they are doing that then be grateful and as I always said to people who complained about anything our PTA did - if you have another idea than feel free to come along to the next meeting with a suggestion and an action plan and let us know how we can help you to make it happen!

Presumably, the cost of a work event is calculated taking into account the means of the employees, though, rather than set at a price some employers can't afford.

I think the very fact that so many comments here assume the price of the tickets must go towards fundraising for the school shows how very reasonable your point is, OP.

If the extortionate price was in fact raising money for school trips or equipment, there would be an argument for it, but only if there were reduced tickets as well. As it stands, it's shocking and upsetting behaviour.

You quite simply, as our school did, have a lower rate or free tickets for those on FSM, and contributions to trips etc. are voluntary. You also create an atmosphere where someone who can't afford e.g. a uniform or breakfast feels welcome to talk to the school office and is offered secondhand uniform, food bank vouchers and is not expected to pay for trips etc.. It's not difficult, but it sounds as if OP's school has decided instead to make it hard for parents who can't afford expensive extras.

I just got side tracked by a Bently being middle class.
But yes - I do think its exclusionary and they should probably increase the price so pupils premium families can go. Although then you have costs of dresses etc on top. I could afford it but I'd still not want to spend 60 quid for a glorified school shindig even if it was to make money which it isn't!

Yes, let children of disabled parents learn young that they'll be socially excluded growing up (and better warn them that they'll miss out on all the extra opportunities that those social networks accrue, too!).

I wouldn't go to a PTA ball even if it was free.

In this case I wouldn't go and wouldn't give it a second thought. Let them get on with it.