To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

[JennaRink]

Since we started dating he has always been strict about time keeping. Was always very early to our dates and he's on the spectrum.

We are going for a long weekend next week, the flight is 2 hours. He says he wants to go 3 hours before the flight.

I don't want to do this. I haven't come from a family that spent 3 hours in the airport and I never go earlier than 2. I see it as a waste of time.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together. On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

It takes an age to go through security these days, I use to be a 2hr person but now are a 3hr person. I got to Sydney Airport just under three hours before our flight (train delay), we only got to the gate 15 minuets before boarding due to big lines at check in / bag drop, customs and security. I would have likely missed my flight if I had any problems at security.

I think you need to look up what a forum is.

And I have no idea who you are.

Honestly, OP, I'm not sure this relationship has legs. It's less his rigid time-keeping being incompatible with your different form of anxiety than the language you use about this -- 'strict', 'severe' etc. You don't sound as though you find being with him particularly enjoyable. How long have you been dating?

I'm the eldest child of an autistic man, and I can't begin to tell you how much of my childhood was wasted by his anxiety about being very early for everything. My main memory of going to the pantomime was standing in the cold outside the theatre long before it opened, and the fact that he would only park in certain designated places, regardless of their proximity to wherever we were going. It spoiled occasions that were supposed to be pleasurable, and it still does it now at family get-togethers, where he insists on showing up half an hour early for a restaurant reservation and then is baffled and cross our table isn't ready and that the people there are just looking at the dessert menu.

If it's short haul @JennaRink 2 hrs is enough, unless you're dropping off bags

www.travelsupermarket.com/en-gb/blog/travel-advice/how-long-before-a-flight-should-i-get-to-the-airport/

I can see both sides of this.

My Dad is like your boyfriend - likes to get places like the airport extremely early. It’s his anxiety making him feel that way - he can’t relax until he’s there and through customs. He’s not diagnosed with autism but has a lot of traits.

My Mum gets kind of dragged along with this a lot and I get it’s a pain for her. She is sometimes a bit mean though with not being ready to go or deliberately being slow getting shoes on etc which isn’t nice.

On the other hand, I can understand being stressed by very crowded environments like the airport - I don’t like that either. And I wouldn’t like someone laying down the law about what time you can arrive. Sounds like he presented it as a done deal rather than asking do you wouldn’t mind etc

I don’t really know the answer - I do get how you don’t want to set a precedent but it might come down to whether or not you want to be with him, as this sounds like a non negotiable from his point of view. If you have a coping mechanism and someone tries to take it away, that can be very distressing. But I agree it needs to be said as “I have this coping mechanism as it’s very stressful for me, would you mind accommodating it” (to which a reasonable person would say yes l, I hope) rather than “it’s my way or the high way”.

Go separately even if it's inconvenient.

Don't pander to his anxiety.

Go 15 minute before the desk opens, you
cant shop or go for lunch until then anyways.

what times does check in open and close? I usually aim to get there half an hour before checkin opens (depending on distance to airport, I'd probably want a bit more padding if I was travelling a long way rather than to my local airport).

Book the lounge and make an afternoon of it.

This isn't true at all.

I would also like to add I've already made adjustments in other areas.

Always strict time keeping, why should I do what he wants, I don't want to, he'll always get his way, he didn't give you a reason, ridiculous, waste of time etc.

So a woman asserting her needs ‘has a tone’? Whilst him telling her ‘I’m doing this, you can do what you want’ has no tone? Sure 😂

Indeed! find it remarkable that some people appear to think that autism is something a person can 'get over' by becoming an adult.

Dump this one back, OP, you can do so much better.

This is such a non issue though.

I see alot of my dad in your dad!

Get lounge access if there’s a lounge and enjoy yourselves. You can sit in peace read a book or have a nice conversation. If not, there are always gates with no departures in the next few hours that are quiet and you can have a sit there.
i have a friend like you and twice in the last 3 years she missed the flight as there were I expect cancellations, roadworks etc.

We have friends who are a couple who travel separately to the airport and meet at the gate. This is because one is like the OP and one is like her partner

Because it doesn’t make a difference if they go together or not, as they use public transport and not a car, they each prefer to do their own thing and not stress each other out

Keeps them happy and saves arguments. May be different when they have kids but they don’t now so it’s how they make their relationship work

WTF? Dump him because he is autistic? Because that is all we know about him?

Talk about ableist!

What are you on about? No one said that.

I'm starting to think this might be the solution.

oh I hear ya! I'm flying for the first time with my bf shortly and I think he'll be like this too. I'm a "get out of bed 3 hours before the flight" sort of person. We live close by that traffic worries shouldn't be an issue and I just hate hanging around longer than I need to. On the plus side, i think he has lounge access through his credit card so I might be persuaded to indulge him on this one.

Agreed 💯

No, they shouldn't.

He should understand that you have equally valid needs and wants too.

If he needs to be there three hours before the flight but this doesnt work for you, then he should suck it up and go alone, and maybe save you a seat at the gate.

You can also make your own way there.

You are separate people with separate needs.

As long as you're not the sort of person who makes it to the airport with five minutes to spare, you'll both be fine.

An alternative suggestion would be for you to do the three hour wait on the outbound leg of every trip, and he does the two hour wait on the return trip. My guess is he would sit miserably in the hotel lobby fretting for half a day until you left, though, so maybe this wouldnt be workable.

Depends on which airport you arr flying from surely.

Birmingham are telling passengers to be there super early sue to the refurbished works causing chaos.

I would far rather be early then risk being late. And for the sake of half an hour given you are happy to compromise at 2.5 hours I think you are being a but ridiculous. It strikes of hearing an issue just for the sake of it.