To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

[JennaRink]

Since we started dating he has always been strict about time keeping. Was always very early to our dates and he's on the spectrum.

We are going for a long weekend next week, the flight is 2 hours. He says he wants to go 3 hours before the flight.

I don't want to do this. I haven't come from a family that spent 3 hours in the airport and I never go earlier than 2. I see it as a waste of time.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together. On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

you implied it - he is being rigid about timeframes because he has autism rooted anxiety, that OP is not prepared to accomodate. This is ALL we know about him, yet you are advising her to dump him because she can do better than him. How is that not ableist?

Is the three hours before a fairly sure time you'd get there or is it allowing contingency? (I'm more than 2 hours from Heathrow, so always allow contingency if flying from there)
If you are close to the airport, I'd just meet him there two hours before. You are presumably going to have to do this on the way back as well.

My Dh gets stressed out about airports. Left up to me we'd be last minute. I appreciate that his needs in this instance trumps my preferences. I will not tolerate him snapping at me at the airport though. If I'm there early I want a drink, I want a browse and I want a mooch. So I won't be walking to the gate as soon as humanely possible- and I'm happy to split up in the airport if we need to. Or walk away from him if he's getting too stressed and taking it out on me but I'm happy to try mitigate that by getting to the airport early, checking my passport 12 times, printing my boarding pass and having my liquids sorted in advance. Unfortunately it's all one sided, because I'm perfect so he never has to make accommodations for me.

If it was something unreasonable he was asking, I'd say OP was correct to draw early boundaries and know that unreasonable behaviour or requests were just that. However, moaning over an hour when travelling, which can make a difference to ease the anxiety of someone you're meant to love, regardless of their having ASD or not, seems unreasonable and totally alien to me.

That's up to him to deal with.

Her role in his life isn't to manage his anxiety for him by pandering to unrealistic fears.

Only thing I would say from your posts is would your DP constantly be messaging you asking are you here yet?

My friends trust each other that they will be at the gate on time but I expect from what you have said your DP won’t be as laid back and so would stress you out anyway

To add to my earlier post- I understand it’s about the airport but it’s not about the airport. You don’t want to live all your life on someone else’s terms (autistic or not) and that’s fair. You have to decide for yourself if this kind of anxiety works for you or not in the long term and act on that.

I think getting lounge access sounds a great solution for all.

Edit - if it appeals to you obviously, not if it doesn’t.

Women can dump a man for any reason they want, including OP who feels she is the one making all the compromises in this relationship.

Men are not owed relationships or sex or time or caring from women.

You’re inching into incel territory.

💯

The answer to this is, will getting there a whole 60 minutes before you really want to get there cause you to feel anxious? Or will it just annoy you a little bit?

Pay for lounge and enjoy.

Tell me you know nothing about autism without telling me you know nothing about autism.

Yes, if you are the partner of someone like OP’s then you ‘pander’ to (ie make compassionate and considerate allowances for) someone you love. If this is too much flipping effort, then do him a favour and end it so he can find someone who genuinely cares. He can do better.

She has already said she doesn’t like being in crowed places for too long. Her needs are important too.

Book the lounge then so you have a nice spot to relax in

Book one of the nice lounges and think of it as the start od your holiday

And yet when I suggested she end it you called me ableist. Make your mind up

Nothing to do with OP being a woman. My comment was with reference to the language used about someone with ASD.

OP did complain about the "tone" used by her bf when he said he was doing this and she could do what she wanted. So yes, her comments on here about ASD have a "tone".

Does my being a woman with ASD interfere with your agenda?

So OP is unreasonable to complain about his tone because when she does it sounds like she has a tone? Right

Does my being a woman with ASD interfere with your agenda?

No, does me being a woman with ADHD interfere with yours?

Reading comprehension seems to be a challenge?

I am suggesting that HE might consider dumping her because HE can do better. Ie the opposite of your comment. 🤦🏽‍♀️

Well do as you please then.

I always get there a minimum of 3 hours before the flight but just do what suits you.

No, you didn’t you said ‘If this is too much flipping effort, then do him a favour and end it so he can find someone who genuinely cares. He can do better.’

Sounds like your reading comp needs work.

Leave enough slack time for

• Picking up one of the kids' passports instead of yours
• Road closures due to accident en route to the airport
• Finding out you booked the wrong dates at the long stay car park
• Going to the wrong terminal
• Being overweight cabin luggage allowance and having to queue 45 minutes at customer services to upgrade it
• Being given someone else's boarding pass at checkout
• Leaving a bottle of water in your hand luggage and having to wait 30 minutes in a queue to get your stuff bomb swabbed

All of which have happened to someone I know (me).

His disability is causing a problem in her life.

She is allowed to decide he's not the partner she wants because of that, and other people are allowed to suggest this is a barrier to a happy relationship and she should reconsider their compatibility.

What you're suggesting is that people are obliged to overlook any issues caused by a disability and keep on working on a relationship if the other person has a disability.

Where does that end? Stay with an addict or an alcoholic "because disease"? Stay with someone who has psychotic episodes involving rage or violence? Stay with someone who is so severely agorophobic and delusional that nobody in the family can leave the house?