To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

[JennaRink]

Since we started dating he has always been strict about time keeping. Was always very early to our dates and he's on the spectrum.

We are going for a long weekend next week, the flight is 2 hours. He says he wants to go 3 hours before the flight.

I don't want to do this. I haven't come from a family that spent 3 hours in the airport and I never go earlier than 2. I see it as a waste of time.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together. On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

How far away is the airport? What is the likelihood of travel delays, trains cancelled, road accidents etc?

We're 90 minutes away from our "local" international airport, Manchester, and you'd be insane to set off 3.5 hours before a flight, to "assume" only 90 minutes travel and then the two hours to get through the airport. Trains are often cancelled/severely delayed so are pretty unreliable. The roads are a nightmare with congestion, motorway closures, accidents, etc. Out of the last, say, 10 flights we've taken from Manchester, probably only one or two have seen us get there within the 90 minutes allowed - sometimes the journey alone can take twice that, and then you have the lottery as to whether you get through security in 15 minutes or 90 minutes (depends on how many scanners they have open!).

Personally, I always allow 3 hours AT the airport to give an extra hour to cover travel delays etc.

Okay. The marriage would be over if my husband acted like that.

My DH and I have this difference in reverse. I like to get there early, mooch around the shops, have a drink , read my book, stroll to the gates etc. He thinks he is winning at life to get there last minute and sprint to the gate as it is closing. It's a bonus if they are calling him on the tannoy.

The easiest way for us to get to our local (massive) airport is to take the train so I often leave an hour ahead of him and see him at the gate.

He's improved a bit since a situation last year when we took a taxi to the airport (too much luggage for the train). An accident shut down the M25 to the point that people were getting out of their cars and walking around, peeing on the hard shoulder etc. What should have been a 35 minute journey took nearly 2 hours. Only the fact that I had paid extra for priority checkin and fast track security enabled us to literally run through the airport and catch it with minutes to spare. There were quite a few empty seats indicating other people hadn't been as lucky as us.

He admitted that during our wait on the motorway he had been calculating how much it was going to cost us to book another flight and possibly then fly to join our cruise ship at the next port. It ran into thousands. He is a bit more cautious now.

Very nasty post. Totally unnecessary to give a character assassination based on your perceived 'tone' of my post. I'm a good partner to him.

Although this is proof of how hard it is as a neurotypical person to be allowed to point out that an ND person does have an impact. What's wrong with what I said about the spectrum?

I share the partner's anxiety and like to be at airports at least 3 hours before the flight. Fortunately, MY partner shares the anxiety. We quite enjoy being first to bag drop/check in, sailing through security with bags of time and then settling with coffee and a snack. I've always said - I'd only be waiting to leave at home sop I might as well be here.

My DP is like you, not ND, but likes to be important places early, just in case, and can't relax if he thinks there may be a rush. It's really no skin off my nose to leave early, but it stresses him out to leave later, so I just think it's a no brainer.

3 hours is the recommended time! I am a time keeping person, and it stresses me out not to adhere to around the three hours. My Husband isnt, but indulges me and we have a nice time at the airport, usually booking the first class lounge for an hour. We also have airport money which makes it fun. If you cant indulge this then maybe you are not compatible to be honest as it;s not a huge ask. There have been at least twice where traffic and issues at security have meant we would have missed the flight had we not been 3 hours early

my friend was stuck in security at luton for over an hour they di reaarange but blamed her for not leaving enough time

True we always fly from East Midlands and you can buy a book from WH Smith and wait in a 30 minute line to eat at Frankie and Bennie’s or buy an over priced croissant and stand around with it in what amounts to a very long and crowded corridor waiting for your gate number appear. There is some kind of ‘spoons type pub affair upstairs but good god it’s no way to start your holiday!

We cruise a lot. We always fly out at least a day before (sometimes two, so we can extend the cruise with a city break) and stay in a hotel, then get a cab to the port nice and early. If going out of Southampton, we drive down and stay at a hotel the night before, where we get parking included in the package and a taxi to and from the port, too.

Women don’t exist to pander to men.

Someone on this thread saying you are incompatible because you prefer to arrive at the airport 1 hour later than your partner does is a bit much OP so I wouldn't pay attention to those comments 😂

Can you meet in the middle and aim for 2.5 hours early? If you're getting public transport I'd just go at different times if you both feel so strongly about it.

This year he started getting really anxious because we hadn't yet checked out of a holiday home 15 mins before we needed to. He was jumping about outside stressing. Then we got to the bus stop and it was 40 mins late anyway.

He then joked we didn't need to rush after all! Both us were single for a while before getting together and have both got stuck in our ways of doing things, although we do compromise in other areas.

Check out time is different to the bus turning up.

You clearly don't understand his way of thinking, nor do you care to.

But she wouldn’t be pandering because he’s a man. She’ll be helping him because he’s neurodivergent. It’s completely different.
Does my DH pander to me because I’m an early bird and get stressed at the thought of being late? Yes - probably. But it’s nothing to do with gender

Not nasty, it's the truth. Who are you to tell me I'm nasty for my own opinion of what I do and don't want for my son. I do dread him ending up with someone who would speak about him like you are and moan over a small thing that could ease his anxiety.

Because it's used by NT people in a mocking way "oh I think I'm on the spectrum, everyone is on the spectrum"

It's called being autistic, it's a developmental disability, it has a name.

You don’t understand him, you don’t seem to want to learn. Check out time has nothing to do with a bus delay.

You both see it as a hill to die on.

You feel that if you ‘give in’ you’ll always have to. He’s determined to do what makes him comfortable.

If neither of you can compromise, I think you have to consider whether this is the tip of the iceberg and whether there will be many other circumstances where you butt heads over issues.

As a NT person, you may have to make adjustments if you’re with someone who is ND. You can’t change him, but only you can say whether the relationship is important enough for you to be the one to always do the adjusting.

The efficient functioning of airports isn't the hill I'd choose to die on.

You said you’d normally arrive 2 hours before and he wants to arrive 3 before, so you’re literally arguing over 1 hour

Sorry, but the advice is to check in 3hrs before unless it’s a domestic flight/no hold luggage. This allows for queues, baggage to be loaded in plenty of time etc. I think you’re the one being unreasonable here. His autism is almost beside the point, but if the airline advice is 3hrs then, as an Autistic person, he will feel less anxious going at the suggested time. If you find busy airports stressful then I’d question whether you don’t actually have some unacknowledged NDity yourself. There are quiet zones at the airport should you need one.

If you can’t accommodate him on this, given the general guidance is in line with what he is suggesting, then I do wonder if you have much of a future as a couple. There will be bigger issues down the line that aren’t so clearly delineated by airline policy.

Goodness me 1 hr is too much for you to give your partners who has ASD to prevent him being stressed?

That's bad imo.

Oh up you pop again, piping up on something not addressed to you 😂

Where did I say women were? I'd feel the same if it was a man talking about an autistic woman like that.

How you going to twist that one today?

15 minutes before checkout is not an issue surely, or did you want to wait til the exact minute? And the bus delay is irrelevant. Or seeing it another way, what if the bus was early? I’d rather be early for things than be late and miss them, be that plane, bus, train, appointments, interviews, anything really.

Your perceived "tone" comes from the language you have used in all your posts,

Always strict time keeping, why should I do what he wants, I don't want to, he'll always get his way, he didn't give you a reason, ridiculous, waste of time etc.

He isn't forcing you to do anything, he told you he wants to be there 3 hours early and you can do whatever you want to do.

Many PP have said 3 hours isn't ridiculous. Several have pointed out ASD is not something he can help, but you're expecting compromise because you don't want him to have his way. Over 1 hour. Which could easily be partly eaten up by traffic.

If you're such a good partner to him, wouldn't you just have had a conversation about it rather than posting on MN to support bashing him for being an unreasonable man?