To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

[JennaRink]

Since we started dating he has always been strict about time keeping. Was always very early to our dates and he's on the spectrum.

We are going for a long weekend next week, the flight is 2 hours. He says he wants to go 3 hours before the flight.

I don't want to do this. I haven't come from a family that spent 3 hours in the airport and I never go earlier than 2. I see it as a waste of time.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together. On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

I flew from Birmingham Airport in June and the queue, after I had checked my bag in, took two hours to get through. In the end staff had to pull people out of the queue so they wouldn't miss their flights. By the way this was nothing to do with the liquids rule change. They were having building work done and had taken out the staircases and escalators and all passengers were having to use three lifts to get upstairs... I have no idea if it is still as bad.

uk.news.yahoo.com/what-causing-queues-birmingham-airport-135328802.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAA0ogpkLH6SErYwP2JSQYE44jfTT8eDzmk6_9djO2NdyB6pV3nTWKtKu-vF_qeJfsLnAGQh5yHBp8VeAlmd3vobLXR05WhQyzOoWKQh48diBoVyt-F0gMpRU9OPsLJbhQRPuNRnFVHOkYw2CRjZqIwCn_v6FLv80icIKpmzQhGGx

East Midlands Airport can also be a nightmare at times. One year I almost missed my flight because of huge traffic jams around the airport. Luckily the cabin crew were also in the traffic jams so I managed to get on my flight in the end.

I also like to make sure I have plenty of time to arrive at the airport and get through security.

Ridiculous, is OP a spoiled child?

All you have to do is read this thread to work out why you need the three hour buffer. Is she's too good to sit in the general airport she can get herself a lounge b

I worked at one of our major London airports for ten years. I’ve seen thousands of people miss their non refundable, non changeable flights for every reason going . None of them were ‘ their fault’ . But of course every single one was ‘their fault’ because they hadn’t given themselves enough time!!!!
You’re playing roulette. I’m with your partner.

I know it’s petty but I would go 3 hours before, and then spend the whole time moaning that it’s so early. If you get through security in 15 mins - ‘urgh, see, now what are we going to do for 2 hrs 45?’ If you drive the point home how ridiculous it is, then you have a leg to stand on next time when you insist on only 2 hours. ‘We tried your way last time and we were stupidly early, so this time it’s my way.’

It's 1 hour out of your life and you're moaning about it. God you're hard work.

Have you suggested that to him then?

Just compromise - you go early so he's not stressed, he pays for a lounge so you're not stressed

This is what we almost always do

If you seriously can't work this one out there's not much hope for your relationship!

(& you do know if there's traffic and you miss the flight you will never hear the end of it!)

You love and respect your partner?

I fly about 4 times a year and have never missed a flight or been in a rush to get to the gate. For short haul, hand luggage only, usually leave 1.5 hours. Honestly, it’s fine (unless it’s school holidays or a Friday, then sensible to leave slightly longer).

I was going to suggest this. We were delayed recently by a couple of hours and it made a huge difference to our airport experience when we realised we were eligible to go in!

Personally DH always wants to leave plenty of time/be early for things and I struggle with that but it stresses him out so much when we're rushing that it's not worth it for me. It's about give and take though as DH puts up with other things that I do that he might not like.

So to answer another question you asked on whether his needs trump yours then absolutely not generally speaking, in this case surely a suitable compromise is improving your airport experience.

💯

Why should you go when he wants? Why should he go when you want? Travelling with other people is often a bit of a compromise. Go early if he’s anxious. It’s an hour you’re arguing about. It will pass quickly enough over a coffee or something to eat.

No it doesnt

But getting to the airport for 3 hours before the flight is not a hill to die on.

What else is going on, this is not a single thing that is annoying you

You don't sound very caring. Do you actually like him?

I always lan on arriving at least 3 hours before….you just never know what hold ups there will be…..I wouldn’t compromise on this….you will have to decide what’s important to you in a relationship I guess

It's not a waste of time when you get held up in traffic and miss your flight, which has happened to me.

You need to be there about two hours before anyway, so realistically it's only an additional hour to cover hold ups.

We now get there early, get something to eat or drink, and make to part of our holiday.

Preferable to being stressed when you're having to rush!

Which airport and is it likely to be a busy time to fly? I never used to be a turn up 3 hours before person, but the last couple of years have changed the game a bit. I've been in airports that were barely functioning, post covid.

And then she won't be late, they'll both get on the plane fine, and now they know how to do it next time.

Obviously yes, but if they’re behaving ridiculously you have every right to call them out on it.

I'm always a 'rather be an hour early than five minutes late' kind of person. Lateness in general makes me very anxious even though I'm usually quite relaxed about most other things. When we travel by plane, we have to take a train to a central city station then more public transport to the airport. We live quite rurally so trains to the city are once an hour and are frequently cancelled.

Even though my husband would be happy to risk a later train, he will always agree to getting to the airport early as he knows it's something I would worry about. When we get there we potter, read, chat. It's a small price to pay really and part of the holiday excitement. Much better than risking missing a flight 🙈

This is another of those 'nobody right, nobody wrong' situations. There's nothing wrong with you NOT wanting to wait 3 hours, there's nothing wrong with him wanting to. And neither of you has to compromise if you don't want to.

But it IS a situation of needing to consider whether or not this person is right for you or you for him. Because yes, he will always want to be early, possibly earlier than you consider reasonable or necessary. And because of his ADHD he may not be willing or even able to compromise. Again, he doesn't have to nor do you. So you do need to have a serious discussion with him about his 'uber-earliness' vs your 'I have plenty of time' attitudes. And then both of you need to consider whether or not this is something either of you want to live with.

Personally, I wouldn't want to feel rushed into leaving earlier than I wanted to, but nor would I want to feel anxious because I was worried we weren't going to make it on time.

I think 2-3 hours is normal. If he’d said 4 hours I wouldn’t be happy and try to get him to compromise, but 3 hours is fine. I don’t think he’s being unreasonable really. Why not be flexible - it’s only an hour. As you say, he’s on the spectrum and probably finds it harder to be flexible than you do.

He needs to get away from you now. Even the tone you write that in not just the words you use "because he's on the spectrum"

You are the kind of person I dread my autistic son ending up with.

It’s not overdramatic at all.

Having a neurodiverse brain means that your brain is wired differently to others people. What is simple to a neurotypical person is not so simple for a neurodivergent person. He can’t bear to be late and that’s ok. It’s easier for you to compromise than it is for him. You need to understand that.

I’m not neurodivergent, but I am an early bird. I can’t relax until I am through security and am sitting in the airport lounge. Then I can switch off and start to enjoy my day. I always plan my family’s travels so that we arrive in plenty of time and my family understand my need for this as they know I can’t relax if I’m late. If I were neurodivergent it would be worse.

Try to see it from his side and try to be accommodating of his needs.

I'm in the early camp, but is what time you go to the airport the actual issue? If the problem is more that he has a my way or the highway/like it or lump it attitude about this things in general, then YANBU to wonder if he is always going to want you to be the one to compromise and go along with what he wants. If he genuinely doesn't care that you will go when you want and he will go when he wants, or if there are things that you both compromise on, then I don't really see why you wouldn't just indulge him on this thing.