To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

[JennaRink]

Since we started dating he has always been strict about time keeping. Was always very early to our dates and he's on the spectrum.

We are going for a long weekend next week, the flight is 2 hours. He says he wants to go 3 hours before the flight.

I don't want to do this. I haven't come from a family that spent 3 hours in the airport and I never go earlier than 2. I see it as a waste of time.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together. On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

You say that your b/f is on the spectrum, and it sounds as if he might have the autistic traits of needing to adhere to a schedule and also anxiety. If you're not prepared to accommodate him over what seems to me a very trivial issue, then it's likely that your relationship won't last long. You will likely find all kinds of other scenarios where he will insist on you keeping to his schedule.

I used to travel constantly all around the world for my work, and often went with colleagues. I don't get particularly anxious about traveling but I always like to get to the airport three hours early for any international flight, even if it's short-haul, and my more experienced colleagues felt the same. I have experienced all kinds of delays in the past due to traffic, weather, security alerts etc. and it makes for a much more relaxed trip to check in and get through security early, then sit down for a relaxed meal or drink, do some work or reading, make some calls, chat with colleagues, etc. Try it; you might enjoy it. What your family has always done is irrelevant as you are in a relationship now.

You're both inflexible and unreasonable.
If this is how it is now, the relationship has now chance, move on.

Run! If he’s causing you stress now then it’ll only get worse. If you’re both on the spectrum fine, if it’s just him, long term it could well make you very unhappy,

Book a quiet lounge then. Cheaper than you imagine and food and drinks are often included.

It seems you've decided to make this your hill to die on so why ask?

You've said he has ASD so maybe it's not in his control. He isn't suggesting it to be difficult, he's suggesting it for his wellbeing and if that means less to you than your frustration YABU but seem to keep going regardless.

He will need to be there 3hrs early because of his condition, go support him and reframe it in a more positive way in your head or don't. Meet him there

The holiday starts from the moment you leave your house. Sorry OP, I’m on his side for this.

I can’t see the problem. It’s an hour - sitting at home waiting to leave for the airport, or sitting in the airport waiting to get on the plane - it’s the same hour, just in different places. Does it matter that much?

Surely it's better to aim for three hours before. If you hit any travel disruption on the way there, 2 hours goes from fine to cutting it fine very quickly.

If this is a huge problem for you maybe you are not compatible as it's unlikely he's going to be able to change this.

@Tellysavelas

"Being on the spectrum doesn’t mean he always gets his way.

OP is a grown woman who has flown before, she can work out how long she needs at the airport. She also wants to limit her time in a crowded, busy place."

But he's not insisting she goes 3 hours before, just that's what he will be doing and she's welcome to come or come later. That's fair enough surely?

Write an itinerary which allows for traffic delays or missing the bus or whatever. Show the time of the flight, last time for Check-in etc. Can you check-in online?

Have the airline's phone number on it and the number on your tickets. If you get delayed and you're checked in, they will give you a last possible time to get there.

He may then feel more confident about two hours if you're already checked in and you need to be there an hour before.

I'd be checking when you are able to do bag drop as it's not always open that early, you could just end up queuing for ages

Depending where you’re flying to they might not allow you to check in 3 hours before. We went to Paris and I wrongly assumed 3 hours before as it had been ages since I’d flown. Had to sit land side for ages in Starbucks before we could check in and drop bags. They did let us check in a bit earlier as we were going business class (only flight left when we booked late). But having recently gone to the airport with someone who’s always late and who told us we would get there in time to eat a meal before flying as the domestic flight food options on board weren’t great, it was massively stressful, arriving, grabbing a meal to rush down our throats, throw away my cup of tea that was too hot to drink but wasn’t allowed on the plane (cold drinks only bought before boarding). In the return journey we got there early to my insistence, only 15 mins before check in opened as we still mis calculated travel, but having the full 2 hours before the flight left was bliss. We could eat without getting indigestion. My travel companion even commented how chilled it was!

Edited to add. Having an autistic member of the family and being someone who works with autistic people as a job, the inflexibility in their routine planning can’t really be compromised or argued over. It’s not him being awkward or you indulging him. It’s something his brain can’t adjust. Your choice is to go with it or go separate.

I think this is an area I'd compromise on.
Having nearly missed flights a couple of times due to an accident on the motorway and unbelievable security queues, I usually now arrive 3 hours prior to avoid any stress. Any extra time is spent in the cafe or shopping!

Can you guarantee to him that baggage control will not have long queues. I hate the people who leave it late and then have to jump the queue because they selfishly couldn’t be bothered to turn up earlier. Both Manchester and Liverpool are terrible for crowds.
Go early and get through controls then have a meal or read a book.

Could you compromise or could you book a lounge and have food and drink in there.

Do you want to start your holiday with him stressed and worried about getting through the hideous security / passport queues? Or would it be better to allow plenty of time?

I completely agree about the noise/busyness of airports, I hate it too. My partner travels a lot for work and likes to be there with loads of time. We go to the lounges to get away from the crowds which we find works very well. Can you book into the lounge as part of your holiday?

any way to get lounge access? I have it through my credit card.

The airlines recommend two hours but I always allow three myself, to allow for something going wrong. For something important and inflexible, like a flight, I think early is better than 'just in time.' So I don't really understand your complaint - go with him at a time that everyone I know would think was perfectly fine, or go look later and meet him there. It's not like he's forcing you to do anything.

My dad used to do this. It drove me loopy! I know you can’t do this, but I used to tell him to go ahead himself and I’ll see him there! Perhaps negotiate for 2 and a half hours!

Omg, this is reminding me of the time I got to Heathrow with a boyfriend and he realised he'd left his passport on the train to Paddington 😱 Amazingly, he managed to get back to Paddington, retrieve his passport from the angels at GWR and get back to the airport in time for us to catch our flight. Because we'd allowed a generous margin of error in our travel plans

Can I also mention how so, so, SO grateful I am that our next trip away is by train/ Eurostar. Because the Eurostar check ins are run by Eurostar and solely for Eurostar, once you're in that line you're getting on that train, even if it has to be delayed. If you miss your Eurostar because a connecting train was delayed, then they will put you on the next one.

It seems so weird to me that you can be in an airport with plenty of time and still miss your flight because of queues at security, and that people regard this as a normal occurrence.

I haven't read the whole thread but my husband is autistic and gets very agitated about being late. He finds security incredibly stressful, and also overthinks getting on the plane/finding seats etc so would need to allow lots of time and be at the gate the second they announce it, that sort of thing.

What has helped hugely when we travel now is booking Special Assistance (which you do when you book your flights) and sunflower lanyards. It allows us to fast track through security so takes out the uncertainty of how long you'll queue (we have 2 autistic teen DDs as well so if anyone needs their luggage looking at they're generally kinder to us?) And it lets us get on the plane first so everyone can settle down before the rush.

He still wants to leave a decent amount of time but it's much much easier. You don't need a diagnosis for Special Assistance, would totally recommend.

Also I think if you know he's ND then if you don't want to make accommodations I'd back out of the relationship now? Life will be full of compromise, but can also be great :)

l don’t know the OP’s final destination but everyone should take into account that new travel rules for entering and leaving the EU come into force next month.

ln the event of teething problems, it is likely to take more time to pass through to airside.