To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

[JennaRink]

Since we started dating he has always been strict about time keeping. Was always very early to our dates and he's on the spectrum.

We are going for a long weekend next week, the flight is 2 hours. He says he wants to go 3 hours before the flight.

I don't want to do this. I haven't come from a family that spent 3 hours in the airport and I never go earlier than 2. I see it as a waste of time.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together. On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

Husband used to fly to work a lot and turns up just as the boarding starts. Stresses me - nearly missed joing dd and her bf in Sicily because of his timing and the chaos that is the M25. I would much rather have a nice lunch when I get to the airport and not be needing my inhaler when we leg it to the gate!

So let's assume you don't want to be there 3 hours before, what's your target? 2 hours before? What will you accomplish in the "extra" hour you have? Why not go, have a drink, mooch round the airport and see if there is any last minute things you want to pick up. The additional hour will go by pretty quickly.

My DH also likes to go a bit early, personally if I'm on my own I don't go quite that early. But I want a nice trip with him, I just go along and have a drink, or plan to have a meal there, or buy a book. I honestly don't see the big deal. The hour I would "save" happens only once in a while (say 4 times a year) so don't see the point of worrying about it.

Which airport is it? Makes a difference if it is somewhere like Durham Tees Valley or Heathrow. If it's a small airport then 2 hours is fine. If it's a large airport you should allow more time and 2 hours is pushing it really.
If it's a larger aiport just go 3 hours early, check in, go through security and then have a meal somewhere which means you aren't wandering around all over the place. Or go on sleepinginairports.com to get tips on where some of the quieter places in the airport are where you can sit for a while.

This would be my mum in law, she is always insanely early to everything, I don't know what she thinks is gonna happen. Having said that a flight is the one thing you really need to make sure you aren't late for, but I'd never go 3 hours early, normally 2 max. Only once have we ever cut it fine and it's because we stopped at maccies on the way and lost track of time 😄

Having missed a flight I'm with him tbh.

Hope it's not Luton. You need to be there 3 hours early - getting through security is an absolute pain. And getting to any airport early means the whole performance is less stressful.

Could you book in at the airport lounge? We did on our last trip. Had a nice breakfast, and it’s very chilled. Could have spent more time there.

I am the DP in this situation - with a very, very understanding DH who let me get to the airport significantly more than three hours ahead when we travelled to Australia many years ago...

Everyone with travel stress is different, and I know for many travelling separately would be the ideal solution. This is just my perspective!

I would get to the airport three hours before the flight. Actually probably a bit more than that because three hours is "on time" and I would want to be a bit early to make sure I wasn't late. Yes, I know it makes no sense to you because that's what the three hours are for 😂 I would then be fine for a bit because I would be distracted by Security and finding somewhere to sit and getting a coffee or whatever. But then...

Then I would start to properly panic about where you were. What if you got stuck in traffic and missed the flight? What if there was a problem with your passport and they wouldn't let you through or we'd accidentally booked tickets on different planes? What if I was in the wrong terminal and by some twist of fate they'd let me through? What if there's a security alert and you can't come through? Or an ash cloud? What if you couldn't find me? I'd be a very stressed person in Starbucks until you got there - possibly even more so than getting there with you two hours ahead.

As I said, everyone is different and this is just how I would be. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable having written this, but it's done now. But please don't laugh at me, I know it's weird and utterly incomprehensible from the outside! Between DH and I we've found various coping mechanisms that work for both of us - needing to keep my shit together because we have a child was remarkably effective too! I'm now pretty much OK with travelling as a family. Work travel is a whole other boardgame though...!

This year he started getting really anxious because we hadn't yet checked out of a holiday home 15 mins before we needed to. He was jumping about outside stressing

If you mean that, OP, and he's this badly affected, you might want to consider if this is really the relationship for you - after all there's nothing wrong in being understanding and making alllowances, but nothing wrong either in deciding the burden's too much

Speaking from experience, accommodating these demands can mean they ramp up, whereas resisting them can result in anxiety and some very ugly arguments, and since these "allowances" aren't always a two way thing it is - as said - okay to decide it's not what you want

As someone who used to fly in and out the country every fortnight for work and travelled the word for pleasure 3 hours is the minimum I would want be at the airport. Over the years I think I still missed 3 fights due to bad accidents on the motorway.
All that aside doesn't sounds like you guys are right for each other if neither one of you cant compromise on something silly as airport times I wouldn't hold out on much hope for your future.

For me it would be important to know if you need to check in your luggage and if it’s an international or national flight. That would warrant the 3 hour wait or the 2 hour wait.

I always like to be 3 hours in advance as a contingency plan and I am not autistic

If it's a larger aiport just go 3 hours early, check in, go through security and then have a meal somewhere which means you aren't wandering around all over the place

That works beautifully once bag drop for your flight's open and you've dropped any cases, @wwjalme, but I was that woman who got talked into arriving not 3 hours before but SIX - that "accommodation" again you see - only to face more tantrums about how we shouldn't have brought this case but the other one and much more

It goes without saying that this was a mere slice of the behaviour the issues caused, but I'll say again that not everyone can endure this indefinitely

I'd pick a different hill to die on. It's 60 mins. And sods law, the one time you insist on 2 hrs there will be an issue.

My DH gets really stressed about airports etc and would quite happily never go abroad again. So,I agree to getting to the airport very early so he's relaxed and we go on foreign holidays together. Long term relationships are based on compromising and living harmoniously. For the two of you the compromise might be that he agrees with paying for a Lounge as long as you agree to go early.

Is anyone else thinking that the OP must live fairly close to the airport to not have to factor an extra hour for travel there in case of road/motorway closures/train cancellations?

We usually fly from Manchester or Leeds Bradford, and we always have to allow for extra time to get across the Pennines. If Woodhead is closed we would have to go via the M62 which is twice as far.

I’m with your partner on this, the roads are unpredictable, I can’t imagine anything worse than being stuck on the motorway when you’ve got a plane to catch. It’s a small compromise for you. I love relaxing when you’ve got through security, have a couple of drinks and something nice to eat, the time will go quickly.

It's 60 minutes op, maybe don't go through security until closer to the 2hour mark, it's not about his needs trumping yours, it's not a battle or a competition, just about working together to find a solution that works for both of you, I'm a 3hour before flight person too, 3 hours flies by.

Have a great holiday when you go

I'm with you. They tell you to get their ridiculously early purely to encourage to spend in the extortionate shops and bars. Always aim to get there so I'll be through an hour before take off.

It's not happened to me but worst case I've seen plenty of instances in security where a person is late and gets rushed to the front to ensure they make their flight. They'll do all they can to get you onboard, you don't need to be there 3 hours early.

Airports are hideous places

You don’t seem very compatible tbh. It’s hardly a gigantic compromise to get to the airport an hour earlier than you would prefer.

I am ND and would have a total meltdown if there was any possibility that I might be late for a flight. I would be sick with anxiety.

A lounge is the answer here.

It’s supposed to be 3 hours for international flights isn’t it?

As soon as my bags are checked in I’m relaxed and I quite like airports - having a meal, pottering around the shops. My ex hated it because he has a thing about being on time and he’d spend the whole time stressed out and terrified about missing an announcement. He was desperate to be waiting at the boarding gate as soon as possible - if they’d let him he’d have sat there for the whole 3 hours! He flew a lot for work but never calmed down about it. He sucked the joy out of travelling for me.

Airports are indeed hideous places, but even more hideous if you arrive late for your flight. I prefer to be three hours early and suffer the hideousness without stress.

My friend's husband is a bit sneery about this as he likes to cut it fine, but one of us has never missed a flight and it's not him.

My cousin got held up on the motorway recently and only caught her flight because it was delayed.

Just severely said 'ill be going 3 hours before, you can do what you want' kind of thing

YABU. He’s not forcing you to go three hours early. He has only said he will and you can choose to do what you want.

I’m a 3 hour person too sometimes more because we’re an hour from Luton, Heathrow, and Birmingham and traffic jams can and do happen. Plus, I may have to go to the desk and there be a long queue due to issues with the systems at the airport or online. Security may be longer than anticipated. There are a lot of variables that can turn into more than enough time to oh sh*t and running across an airport. Unless you’re taking a flight at a time where there is rarely ever traffic like between 10pm and 5 am, ime, then three hours isn’t too much to ask.

You don’t want to go three hours early, that is your choice and you don’t have to, but wanting him to compromise to your two hours when you don’t want to compromise to his three isn’t fair when he is ok for you to meet him there.

Maybe you're just not compatible?

She wanted to split the difference but he wouldn't budge.

He's the one who won't compromise here.

He said 'severely' that he was going to be there three hours before the flight, implying she could do as she pleased but he wasn't going to consider an alternative.