To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

[JennaRink]

Since we started dating he has always been strict about time keeping. Was always very early to our dates and he's on the spectrum.

We are going for a long weekend next week, the flight is 2 hours. He says he wants to go 3 hours before the flight.

I don't want to do this. I haven't come from a family that spent 3 hours in the airport and I never go earlier than 2. I see it as a waste of time.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together. On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

She hasn’t said they must travel together. She’s actually said that separate travel to the airport is the way forward.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together.

No, she's happy to compromise (2.5 hours).

He isn't even going to discuss compromise.

So wind your neck in.

It's not that long. By the time you are through security and if you go for some food and have a mooch round the shops. Take a book and some noise cancelling headphones.

Absolutely hate Stanstead. Travelled from there earlier this year, and it’s an awful experience. Very crowded, no space to sit and relax.

I don’t think so. Not if travelling together causes one person discomfort.

@mathanxiety if she can do 2.5, she can do three.

You are being petty.

He prefers three hours so he doesn't get stressed. And in fairness to him there's plenty of reason to do that. Either you have issues with security or you end up rushing to get something to eat at the airport.

Three hours IS the compromise. Two hours is being stressed and rushing.

Is this really a hill you want to die on?! If you can't cope with something like this, when your relationship is really challenged, you'll be doomed.

I wouldn't be surprised if waiting for you was a source of stress for him and therefore isn't an option.

Tbh, with a attitude like this I rather suspect your relationship is on borrowed time.

How is that her saying ‘they must travel together’?

She may think it’s ridiculous but she has said travelling separately is the way forward.

Wait until you miss a flight because something happened on the way, and then the airport was chaos.
Cause that has happened to me and now I am there MINIMUM 2h earlier, but I live literally next to the airport (10 minutes away!)

If I have a long travel time to the airport (imagine from south London to Heathrow), I am setting off with enough time to be there 3h before, just in case something goes wrong along the way! And more often than not, I dont have that much time to relax before the flight!

One time, just getting INTO Heathrow T2 took 1h! The queue was outside! And then security took another hour! By the time I was done with it, I barely had time to pick up a Pret on my way to the gate to board!

The OP said that. Hence this whole thread.

The thing is though if you insist on going 2 h early and the airport is busy and you end up rushing and stressing about missing your flight that's a far worse situation than getting there 3h before and having to sit and have a relaxing drink and look around the duty free!
I would just go 3h early, or even better compromise on 2.5h

OP, i am your DP in my relationship. my DH is you. He takes pride in being last person to board the plane.

After a couple of near misses on his schedule I started travelling to the airport myself. No drama, it worked. When we had DC we had to go together and he quickly realised that with kids you need more time at the airport (feed them, run them ragged etc). Now that the DC are older he has slipped back to his old ways and I travel separately to airport with dc.

Dont fight it, just adapt and each do what works for you both.

Sorry if someone’s suggested this (I haven’t read every page) but would it be possible to pay for fast track security, which might make him happier with a later airport arrival time?

I am anal about time and 3 hours is excessive, but you can have a leisurely meal after security if needs be.

If you insist he leaves later then it may be the thin end of the wedge from his point of view and he’ll be ‘indulging’ you for ever more.

It’s not a battle that’s worth having.

Personally I’m more comfortable being early. But that doesn’t make me unreasonable, just different from you. If neither is prepared to adjust for the other just arrange to meet at the gate.

I am team partner as an ex taxi driver who often had to drive to airports I have seen too many times how often things can go badly wrong. Once on the way to Heathrow I got stuck in a nightmare 4 hour traffic jam. My clients got out and walked which was at least 2 miles with large suitcases.

I've RTFT and I can't see whether she offered him this or is just saying it on the thread.
If she did offer him this, did he say no?

That would be me going 3 hours early and I'm not on the spectrum. I'm early for everything and love browsing the shops and having a relaxed coffee.
What if the traffic is bad or the car breaks down?

No idea, but it shows she’s willing to compromise, as I said.

@mathanxiety OP isn't making all the compromises, she's already said that. So I still think this is a drama over 60 mins. Especially when airports recommend to arrive 3 hours before your flight. A valid reason for getting there 3 hours early that she deemed him being "severe".

She's also the one who originally said it was ridiculous to travel separately, making this into her anxiety vs his. I'd get annoyed with someone telling me I was ridiculous for following airport guidance and making sure I wasn't stressed going for a flight too.

I can't understand why you're not looking at this from a 'what's the worst that could happen' lens if you actually understand autism and think you're a good partner to him?

I can guarantee that the worst thing to happen if you set off with 3 hours to spare is a lot less severe than the worst thing that could happen if you set off with 2 hours to spare.

If you set off with 2 hours, roads closed, public transport was unreliable, queues were large, it's a loud noisy unpredictable environment, you get randomly checked for a search, all these things are out of your predicted schedule and you're incredibly dysregulated, and people keep coming near you and touching you and your things and you have lost the ability to mask it and play it off as "oh well these things happen", and he has a meltdown which causes further delays and run ins with airport securirt when he's explained to you that he would like to get there with 3 hours to spare, hasn't really explained why because all of the above is obvious to any one who gives it more than 2 seconds thought, and all of this could have been avoided if you'd had an extra hour to adjust then I can't imagine he's going to think you're a fantastic partner to him.

Having anxiety is shit, but can be managed. Being autistic and being forced through systems that are not very autism friendly is absolutely traumatic.

He also suggested you go separately. He didn't say you had to go with him, and you kicked up a fuss on here about it then when another PP suggested it works for someone they know you changed your tune about it.