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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Starting my Social Services parenting class today. Filled with rage. AIBU?

134 replies

BigSmallFigBall · 04/10/2024 09:47

My 7 year old daughter told me about abuse by her father - weird controlling stuff about toilet use and being strangled when he was angry.

I reported the abuse and there was no negative consequence for him. The idiot social worker suggested to my daughter's face that she was lying because my daughter didn't demonstrate that she protested forcefully enough when being strangled. I was told I need to support the father/daughter relationship more.

My punishment for reporting the abuse is that I have to attend 20 hours of parenting courses, starting today. I could have used this time to do things with/for my daughter.

AIBU to feel rage over this?

OP posts:
Randa50 · 05/10/2024 18:48

It's very poor the way the system is set up If you can afford maybe get her professional counselling as if you wait for NHS is years unless the school knows of somewhere or someone who can help you and your daughter You sound like a loving caring family you will get through this 🤗

Original poster
BigSmallFigBall · 06/10/2024 11:24

Randa50 · 05/10/2024 18:48

It's very poor the way the system is set up If you can afford maybe get her professional counselling as if you wait for NHS is years unless the school knows of somewhere or someone who can help you and your daughter You sound like a loving caring family you will get through this 🤗

Thank you. I am taking her to private play therapy sessions each week and she loves it.

OP posts:
Original poster
BigSmallFigBall · 06/10/2024 12:41

ArabellaScott · 05/10/2024 11:14

Anyone moved to do.so, please see this MN campaign on Family Courts and leave questions for the Minister for VAWG.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_campaigns/5180070-mnhq-here-we-need-your-help-meeting-with-the-minister-for-victims-and-vawg

Thank you. I have posted in that thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
BigSmallFigBall · 15/10/2024 11:35

My ex has been sending communications lately about how my reaction to his repeated assaults of our daughter were inappropriate and wrong (I believed her, I insisted on supervised visits through the course of the investigation). It's all putdowns of my parenting etc.

He views himself as being able to act with impunity due to Child Services and the police falling down so badly. He has been empowered to behave even more badly now and in the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
BigSmallFigBall · 15/10/2024 11:37

I also doubt that he's even doing the classes. No one was following up to ensure our participation or anything, even though we were required to promise we would avail ourselves of this resource.

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 15/10/2024 12:35

I'm sure you already are doing so, but you are keeping a record of all of his communications, OP?

SunQueen24 · 15/10/2024 12:49

He views himself as being able to act with impunity due to Child Services and the police falling down so badly. He has been empowered to behave even more badly now and in the future.

So sorry Op, that sounds so awful.

Starbright885 · 15/10/2024 13:04

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 04/10/2024 11:39

Your comment about some social workers being fooled by articulate men rings very true.

In my extended family we had a time a decade ago when we had social services involvement due to the father's treatment of a child and the mother covering it up. It turned out that the mother was being emotionally abused( this was before coercive control became a crime) and was dominated by her extremely manipulative and calculating husband.

He was an extremely articulate and outwardly charming man in his early thirties, added to which he was very good looking. The social worker was a 23 year old woman and was completely captivated by him. I was looking after the child and so went to all the meetings with the LA and saw how she reacted to him and how she was taken in by him, let him dominate meetings, believed him when he twisted facts etc, it made my blood boil but couldn't do anything because the solicitor had said to do everything social services asked. Fortunately the CAFCASS guardian and the barrister ultimately saw through him, but he had gained many advantages from manipulating that social worker.

Show quote history

thats scary when a young 23 year old with no real life experience can have such power and be taken him by these men. They can con the best of us at times. Thankfully the judge and guardian saw through it.

Original poster
BigSmallFigBall · 15/10/2024 13:27

ArabellaScott · 15/10/2024 12:35

I'm sure you already are doing so, but you are keeping a record of all of his communications, OP?

Yes, we communicate almost exclusively through a dedicated email that I have created for this purpose.

I know from my experience and my solicitors' advice that none of it matters, though.

OP posts:
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