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Original poster

I think this is the most vile thing I have ever heard *Trigger warning Suicide

121 replies

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 02/10/2024 20:01

For context this is about a family member I am supporting.

Her son has mental health issues, he is 23 ASC,ADHD, Depression, her partner not her DS Dad, has decided that he can not move back into their home after a suicide attempt.

This is causing issues, family member wants her son at home and to support him as her son is finally on the right meds, and has made progress.

Family member and her partner have been having conversations around son moving home, he is calling her son a useless prick and that he wants nothing to do with him ever. Family member is saying that he tried to take his own life, her partner is saying that it was all fake, and if he did take his own life he would finally have something to be proud of him getting right....

Family member is trapped in a house that she can not afford by herself, she is scared to be by herself, how do I help?

This is the most awful thing I have ever heard.

This has to be the end of the relationship surely?

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 02/10/2024 20:04

I'm sorry. son trumps boyfriend (I say this as an insult because a partner would support you if your child was suicidal). This is a deal breaker for me, the DP would be an ex and my child would take priority. I'd dump the useless nasty vile POS quicker than he could finish a sentence.

As for the house, put it up for sale, rent it out temporarily and move somewhere else just her and son.

Original poster
TheSpoonyNavyReader · 02/10/2024 20:09

toomuchfaff · 02/10/2024 20:04

I'm sorry. son trumps boyfriend (I say this as an insult because a partner would support you if your child was suicidal). This is a deal breaker for me, the DP would be an ex and my child would take priority. I'd dump the useless nasty vile POS quicker than he could finish a sentence.

As for the house, put it up for sale, rent it out temporarily and move somewhere else just her and son.

Edited

Family is desperate for her DS to get better and make something of his life, which her DS has the capacity to do.

I am honestly baffles that another human could say such a thing, how can anyone say such a callous thing.

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 02/10/2024 20:09

Family member is trapped in a house that she can not afford by herself, she is scared to be by herself, how do I help?
She needs to leave. If house is owned then it gets sold, if rented then she gets her name off the tenancy.

Surely she won't be alone as she will have her DS with her.

You help by finding rental properties she can afford.

CabraCadabra · 02/10/2024 20:10

Where does her ds live? Can she move in with him?

toomuchfaff · 02/10/2024 20:11

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 02/10/2024 20:09

Family is desperate for her DS to get better and make something of his life, which her DS has the capacity to do.

I am honestly baffles that another human could say such a thing, how can anyone say such a callous thing.

Show quote history

the reason the DP has said such vile things is because they're a vile human being. They're telling you who they are, your friend needs to listen and hear that and get away ASAP with son and not look back.

Original poster
TheSpoonyNavyReader · 02/10/2024 20:11

LittleGreenDragons · 02/10/2024 20:09

Family member is trapped in a house that she can not afford by herself, she is scared to be by herself, how do I help?
She needs to leave. If house is owned then it gets sold, if rented then she gets her name off the tenancy.

Surely she won't be alone as she will have her DS with her.

You help by finding rental properties she can afford.

FM has other children living there and can't afford the mortgage and other bills while house is sold. All her equity is tied up in the house.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 02/10/2024 20:13

Then hand it back to the mortgage company and start fresh

Original poster
TheSpoonyNavyReader · 02/10/2024 20:13

CabraCadabra · 02/10/2024 20:10

Where does her ds live? Can she move in with him?

Her DS lives in the house but has been in hospital treatment for his depression.

Family member has been supporting her DS while he has been ill.

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 02/10/2024 20:15

I assumed it was just her and ds when you mentioned she was scared to be alone. I was taking it literally.

Is she working? Can she afford a rental and take the other children, or will he fight her for custody... assuming they are his?

toomuchfaff · 02/10/2024 20:16

Then chuck out the vile POS and rent a room out, get a lodger, shift the mortgage onto Interest only for a while, cut back, and reduce outgoings, advertise a room, get a 2nd job. I'd do anything to get the ex (DP) out my house. Son would be back, it's non negotiable.

YoYoYoYo12345 · 02/10/2024 20:16

Poor DS. crying out for help and the sick partner makes comments like that. Vile needs out fast.

Poor son might kill himself and friend would never forgive herself if she allowed partner to prevent her from helping.

Original poster
TheSpoonyNavyReader · 02/10/2024 20:17

LittleGreenDragons · 02/10/2024 20:15

I assumed it was just her and ds when you mentioned she was scared to be alone. I was taking it literally.

Is she working? Can she afford a rental and take the other children, or will he fight her for custody... assuming they are his?

The other children are not his, their Dad has nothing to do with their Dad.

By scared to be alone I mean that she will be back to financial ruin, she earns too much for benefit support but nit enough to live in London.

OP posts:
MarmaladeJars · 02/10/2024 20:18

She needs to step up to being a parent and support her son. She needs to stop making excuses for having this man in her life. No wonder the poor boy is so troubled if this is the ‘support’ his own mother gives him.

Monkeysatonthewall · 02/10/2024 20:19

How hard it must be for your friend to watch her son go through such tough time and simultaneously find out her partner is an utter prick.

Potentialmadcatlady · 02/10/2024 20:22

I would move to somewhere in the country I could afford. No way would I be letting that man prevent me from protecting my son. It’s hard ( my DS has adhd/asd/depression/anxiety and other health issues and has been suicidal in the past- now on meds) so I understand but I would give everything up to protect my (adult) children from that man. Whatever is takes

Original poster
TheSpoonyNavyReader · 02/10/2024 20:22

MarmaladeJars · 02/10/2024 20:18

She needs to step up to being a parent and support her son. She needs to stop making excuses for having this man in her life. No wonder the poor boy is so troubled if this is the ‘support’ his own mother gives him.

Family member has done everything for her son, and supported her DS in everyway.

Her partner has now said enough is enough he does not want DS back in the house, its him or DS.

What POS said was during a discussion of trying to work something out, he has showed his true colours.

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 02/10/2024 20:24

Well he's made his ultimatum, I'd be saying OK then, you'll be out by weekend then? Thanks for understanding.

OrwellianTimes · 02/10/2024 20:27

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 02/10/2024 20:22

Family member has done everything for her son, and supported her DS in everyway.

Her partner has now said enough is enough he does not want DS back in the house, its him or DS.

What POS said was during a discussion of trying to work something out, he has showed his true colours.

Show quote history

Quite an easy decision there - DS wins. POS can find himself a new place to live.

HazelPlayer · 02/10/2024 20:27

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 02/10/2024 20:11

FM has other children living there and can't afford the mortgage and other bills while house is sold. All her equity is tied up in the house.

Show quote history

UC gives you 6 months or more to get a house sold.

XenoBitch · 02/10/2024 20:27

If this vile piss of shit is making her choose, then she knows the right choice already.

MrsGhastlyCrumb · 02/10/2024 20:28

With his diagnoses and his poor mental health, it might be worth contacting social services and specialist charities to what additional support they might be able to get. Also, he may qualify for some benefits.

I would maybe speak to one of the charities that offer financial advice. It might be possible to arrange some sort of mortgage holiday with the lender while she finds somewhere smaller a commute away from her job.

It must seem totally insurmountable just now but it is guaranteed she would feel much better away from the kind of man who would say that. Vile specimen.

HazelPlayer · 02/10/2024 20:29

but nit enough to live in London.

Why live in the most expensive place in the UK then (?)

Hopefully the equity, when sold, would be good for buying elsewhere.

OrchardBlack · 02/10/2024 20:31

toomuchfaff · 02/10/2024 20:16

Then chuck out the vile POS and rent a room out, get a lodger, shift the mortgage onto Interest only for a while, cut back, and reduce outgoings, advertise a room, get a 2nd job. I'd do anything to get the ex (DP) out my house. Son would be back, it's non negotiable.

Literally this.
She needs to stop making excuses.
Just get it done.
That poor boy.

Original poster
TheSpoonyNavyReader · 02/10/2024 20:31

HazelPlayer · 02/10/2024 20:29

but nit enough to live in London.

Why live in the most expensive place in the UK then (?)

Hopefully the equity, when sold, would be good for buying elsewhere.

Edited

As that is where she has lived her whole life and all her support is including me.

Family member could afford her old house by herself but moved in together with this man using her equity to buy the house with her partner, which they could afford together.

The only thing you ask is why is she living in London is mind boggling that you have taken away from this thread. JFC

OP posts:
OrchardBlack · 02/10/2024 20:33

'It's me or DS'

Bye then 🖐