I think this is the most vile thing I have ever heard *Trigger warning Suicide

[TheSpoonyNavyReader]

For context this is about a family member I am supporting.

Her son has mental health issues, he is 23 ASC,ADHD, Depression, her partner not her DS Dad, has decided that he can not move back into their home after a suicide attempt.

This is causing issues, family member wants her son at home and to support him as her son is finally on the right meds, and has made progress.

Family member and her partner have been having conversations around son moving home, he is calling her son a useless prick and that he wants nothing to do with him ever. Family member is saying that he tried to take his own life, her partner is saying that it was all fake, and if he did take his own life he would finally have something to be proud of him getting right....

Family member is trapped in a house that she can not afford by herself, she is scared to be by herself, how do I help?

This is the most awful thing I have ever heard.

This has to be the end of the relationship surely?

She needs to put her son first for goodness sake, she can't possibly stay in a relationship with a man with such abhorrent views.

All of this, this sounds like a life or death moment, she doesn't have time to fuck about pandering to her wanker boyfriend.

This has only happened today, I am shocked to the core that her partner said something so cruel.

I am offering her all the advice I can, including selling the house.

Well if the place is half DP, then she can demand the place is sold and take her equity and go or DP ca. buy FM out. Win win. If the house us bought between them, the only way is selling it in reality. Or renting it out.

If my partner made a comment like that they’d be gone. There’s no coming back from something like that, he basically wished her son dead.

Everything else is secondary, anyone with an ounce of self respect and loyalty to their child would get rid immediately.

Maybe her excuses are because in reality she doesn’t want him gone? Sometimes people have to let off steam to a friend/family member but don’t honestly wish to change their circumstances. So there’s that possibility. Just try to support her and encourage her that she can stand on her own two feet if she really wants to and hopefully she’ll find the strength to Chuck the vile specimen out.

Why is she still with him at all?

Can she not stand up to him?

He was the love of her life, or so she thought, I think that she is in shock now that someone that she loved could say such a thing and that after 10 years together,2.5 years living together a man could be so cruel.

Family member had been single for years before she let someone into her and her children's lives and he turned out to be like this.

Money is nothing compared to her son being alive.

He sounds like a horrible man.

Being realistic, money is vitally needed for survival or she will end up homeless

Family member knows that, she is heartbroken that the man that she loves (used to love) can be so heartless and cruel, its like she has been punched in the stomach.

He went up to bed like nothing has happened while she was being sick.

She works. Yes money is needed. Benefits for son. Cut backs. Surely you'd do anything to help your own children.

exactly.

If the son is successful next time he tries, and she has faffed about pansying to the vile specimen, she will never recover. Never.

I have a friend who's son is no longer here by suicide. She is broken, she will never stop wondering what she could have done, she tortures herself daily.

FM will never look at DP the same. That relationship is done, now it's just sorting out the admin

Family member has not faffed around pansying to anyone, this happened tonight, she is shocked that her life has fallen around her ears.

This is betrayal on the largest level, POS has not just hurt her but her child by wishing him dead and that he would be proud of her son for getting something right by killing himself. There is not one ounce of compassion in POS.

No no, I was talking about in future looking back.

The partner needs to go. This friend and her other DC are not safe with him. He is asking her to choose one of her DC or him. He needs to go. I'm wondering if his behaviour has had any influence on the suicide attempt? A rational parent would not flip from caring to pick me. It sounds like there is more to it.

She was extremely rash to sell up and join forces with this man- especially having 'dependent' children who need to live with this man.

Step parenting is not easy {I have never been one, but have been a step child}, this man clearly doesn't see your sister's children as ''his own'' - especially another adult male.

It is probably not easy for him to live with a young adult with mental health issues - especially one he's not related to - Step parents can be horrible.

Has he children of his own?

Selling up and splitting equity is only way to go, and your sister buys her own place, where son can live with her.

If you take on someone with children then they come as a package no matter how old they are.
This is not a partnership.
It will be tough to negotiate but doable. They have to go.

Family member dated and lived with this man for 7.5 years before she jumped into buying a house, I would not call that rash.......

Family member would have never done this if she knew that he would be like with this issue... Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

This is just so sad for the poor son and his Mum. I really hope that they are able to get away from this person and the son recovers.

If she lived alone with the kids before this POS moved in, would she not be able to manage again if he moved out?

I don't say that in criticism or hostility btw, OP. Just thinking aloud. Is it more an emotional thing that she feels she can't cope alone, or have finances changed meaning it would actually be much more challenging to cope as a single earning household?

I absolutely agree with you, btw. That is one of the most disgusting things I've heard of someone saying.

It does sound extreme and shocking. Is there any reason the partner would think this way about the DS? He's presumably known him for the 10 years your family member and he have been together, so since the DS was 13? What has their relationship been like? Did they ever live together? What has your family member's relationship with the DS been like?

I guess I'm wondering if the reaction is because the DS has been violent or in some other way unmanageable in the past and the partner can only see this repeating if the DS comes back to live with his mum. If that was the case, while not condoning the choice of language, I can see why the partner might be quite forceful in insisting the DS does not move in with them without it necessarily being him just being a complete shit.

Because presumably she needs practical solutions to how to move on?

Can she afford to do that in London? You imply she cant

So the obvious solution is not to live in London hence the poster asking about it

It goes without saying its an awful and distressing situation for your friend to be in, but other than that, surely the focus is what she does next

Family member could ask DS team for carers support. Probably worth letting them know what she is dealing with. Sadly they are likely to have heard it all before.