Aibu to think confident children are from very middle class backgrounds?

[Potnoodleslover]

In my childrens school the children who get chosen foe everything are very confident & are from very middle class backgrounds (state school).

I can see why these kids are picked, they do a wonderful job but what makes them so much more confident then mine? They are attending the same school so therefore getting the same education..

Don't know. Why don't you look for stereotypes answers in this thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5101166-why-are-middle-upper-class-children-so-confident?page=2&reply=136163224

No - my partner was confident and popular at school -

rough council estate upbringing
parents = uneducated immigrants
VERY working class
you need a drill to cut through his regional accent

but … VERY good looking ☀️☀️☀️

Are they doing confidence boosting and skills building extra-curriculars - like theatre, cadets, gymnastics etc?

What messages are they getting at home? Is it 'the only bad mistake is the one you don't learn from', and other of that ilk, that encourage experimentation and risk taking?

Good looks & a polished appearance definitely help!

In fact - you’ve given me an idea for some role play where we can both be back at school - he can put his blazer on and I can get a bit strict with him…

needs to start an alternative thread

Yes agreed -what helped in his case - and his accent, demeanour was/is as working class as fuck - but he’s not only VERY GOOD LOOKING. BUT -

Thoroighly decent, straightforward person

I grew up in a council flat and was very confident at school.

I was chosen for everything!

Class really isn’t that huge a divider when it comes to confidence as a child.

My DCs used to get chosen for things a lot. Neither of them were confident at all. They were bright (so it didn't matter so much if they missed lessons to do the task, and could read aloud without hours of practice), they were polite, they were reliable, they wore the correct uniform. The 'confidence' was in their ability to do the task, not general confidence that they were better than others, successful or anything else. They were usually quite anxious about it.

Blimey😅

Following

That's a very good point, from what my child tells me these kids are very good in school so probably can afford to miss time from class to rehearse

In my experience, having loving and supportive parents is most important re confident children.

I've met children from very working class backgrounds - who are confident and secure in that confidence.

Also met children with middle class parents - but a dysfunctional or abusive home life. These children have been very unconfident.

This is the thing.

i know 2 lads -

one - rough council estate upbringing, working class, uneducated immigrant parents, very strong regional accent, average intelligence but very few academic qualifications

two - well educated parents, upper middle class upbringing, father a secondary headmaster, average intelligence but more academic qualifications than lad one above

BOTH boys were blessed with good looks and consequently vv popular with the ladies 😍😍

• very importantly both had IDENTICAL personalities which I can only describe as -

thoroughly decent / straightforward ❤️

Meant to say -both lads were very popular and neither were loud personalities

🤣🤣 we need something to lift us up on a dreary Wednesday afternoon ..

I think I have one of those children you are referring to.
She gets picked a lot because she volunteers a lot. Now in juniors, they hold auditions for the main parts in school plays, they have to prep a speech if want to be on school council etc. Not every child wants to do these things, and some struggle with confidence to do them. I have always told them they can do anything, can acheive anything they want with hard work, and they have 2 successful professional parents as role models. I think this posts a huge part - my daughter has 5 close friends from a varied socio economic background, I was talking with them about what they wanted to be when the grew up. My daughter said a teacher, others with professional parents said 'vet' 'explorer' and 'journalist'. Those with parents in minimum wage roles said 'hairdresser' and 'nail person'. All the girls are similar level academically, but the 2nd set were not aspirational. This really struck me, that being middle class seems to confer the advantage of an attitude of 'I can acheive anything'

🤣🤣

We were at a stately home at the weekend, my two DC we’re happy chatting with the curators, they regaled several older visitors with their experience at a castle the weekend before.

Before we left they went to speak to the musicians who’d been playing in the music room, I was stood at the door and one of the curators they’d seen earlier stopped to chat. She said my DC had been a pleasure to speak to, so polite and confident.

Both DH and I are from very working class backgrounds, and our DC attend a primary school in a deprived area. It all depends on how the DC are parented.

I did make one observation, I was cripplingly shy as a child and scared of everything. It took me years to overcome it. I didn’t want that for my children. Though at times, I’d like a little more peace and quiet!

Oh so true

It’s definitely in the parenting. If you engage with your DC from a very young age, involving them in discussions around the dinner table and discussing E.g. current affairs that are age-appropriate, listening to their opinions, encouraging debate, and also read them stories and encourage a love of learning about “things” by taking them to museums, galleries, stately homes (as PP mentioned), then to restaurants serving different types of food and with various expectations of degrees of formality - your child will be at ease in most situations and will come across as a very confident child.

The more they get chosen, the more confident they get...so they will keep being chosen.

A child in my dd's primary class was chosen for everything (she was the oldest in the class so started school being ahead of many of the others - she's 11 months older than my dd). She was picked because I'm sure the teachers thought she made the school look good. She was also really mean and bullied most of the kids at one point or another. Hey ho.

My DD is confident because she’s been raised to be so. Class has fuck all to do with it, we’re strictly working class here. Away and ring your prejudices elsewhere, and take the talk of class with you.

When we were away last weekend our DC (7&8) surprised the staff by ordering their own food.

It was a premier inn, veg sticks, pizza, chocolate brownie and a fruit shoot (away for a birthday treat before the nutrition police come for me!) but I believe being able to look at a menu, order your own food, answer any questions about substitutions or allergies, clearly and politely is a skill. We’ll work up to a fancy restaurant at some point

Hairdressers and nail technicians can easily earn more than teachers. Just because they don’t need a degree it doesn’t mean they aren’t aspirational.

I used to be a driving instructor in London. I would say that often, the opposite was true. Lots of the middle-class teenagers struggled with the quick decision making that driving involves; I often found that the more privileged they were, the harder they found it: they'd had every decision in their lives made for them. If they failed a test, some of them would be absolutely distraught: it was the first time in their lives they'd failed anything. I found the less middle-class learners often learned quite quickly. (It's true that some of them had had illegal experience, but still...)