Aibu to think confident children are from very middle class backgrounds?

[Potnoodleslover]

In my childrens school the children who get chosen foe everything are very confident & are from very middle class backgrounds (state school).

I can see why these kids are picked, they do a wonderful job but what makes them so much more confident then mine? They are attending the same school so therefore getting the same education..

Being exposed to certain things definitely helps with confidence, class doesn't really come into it except that those confidence boosting activities dont come cheap (usually) or such activities aren't prioritised.

It's not money per se though, a season ticket to football is expensive but certainly not the preserve of the middle classes, similar junior football, extremely popular across classes adds up once you include kit and travel to away games, whereas theatre and music are similar in costs but people consider them middle class.

I know the things that helped my dd were travelling to cultural locations as opposed to beach holidays (I dislike sand!), dinner parties from a young age, learning to converse on academic matters, and singing in church

I think its to do with area and culture. If you live in a predominantly WC area and thats the majority demographic of the school, the minority of 'posh' kids stick out as being different and can be excluded or bullied which impacts confidence. Similarly if the culture is one where academic achievement is not seen as 'cool' but having the right trainers or hair cut is (which is not class specific) then this can effect confidence too amongst the kids who don't fit the social ideal for the environment.
Typically I think the more you're seen to have what is valued amongst your peers, and treated accordingly by them, the higher your confidence in school is likely to be. There are of course exceptions, but generally.

I’m going to swap ‘confident’ with ‘arrogant’, then I think your question flows better. Why are many middle class kids so arrogant? I think it’s because their parents are busy telling them that they are exceptional and brilliant and unique. Forget community and lifting everyone else up. Focus on the individual even if it means treading on people on the way up.

But that’s not what the OP is talking about. She’s asking if confident (not arrogant) kids tend to come from middle class backgrounds. She’s not saying that all middle class children are confident, and she’s not talking about ‘arrogant’ children at all. It’s an interesting discussion if you approach it without having a chip on your shoulder.

Many of these confident middle class children are arrogant. HTH.

As I said, it’s a discussion best approached without having a chip on your shoulder. HTH.

Many WC parents are jealous and bitter. HTH.

I have a maters degree and a professional job and both my hairdressers (cut and colour) make more money than I do. My nail lady a few years back started her own salon and is now booked up months ahead and does editorial looks for magazines and is always backstage at Fashion Week working on the models.

TBH if I had my time again, I might not bother with the degree and become a hairdresser instead...

I know some very confident working class kids. Looking back at my school days I also knew plenty of confident working class kids and also middle class kids lacking in confidence.

This.

As I said; middle class children who are perceived as confident are often arrogant due to their parents attitudes towards them. The worst behaved and disrespectful children I know through my sons friendships are the very middle class, wealthy children who’s parents have very important and busy careers.

Equating confidence with arrogance is a way to keep people in their box.

I had to check the date on this thread to make sure it wasn't a zombie!! This has almost word to word been done before. In my experience some of the most confident people I know are from really poor families who had to go through a lot of shit and learn to look out for themselves. Some of the most timid people I know come from wealthier families who never had to worry about everything because the bank of mum and dad paid for and did everything.
So the complete opposite of what is said on these threads but of course confident and non confident people come from all walks of life

Pmsl. I am middle class by raising. Working class for half my life through my job and then middle class again through my relationship, financial situation and now career. Yet my point still stands. Confidence is often confused with arrogance and entitlement.

Can someone also tell me what HTH stands for?

’Hope that helps’. It’s usually used passive aggressively.

My phone did auto correct initially to HRH - which means Her Royal Highness. Equally as useful.

It didn’t help! You made a lazy assumption unfortunately.

I think if you're raised in an environment with lots of support and access to opportunities, by parents who have achieved well, then confidence is pretty much a given. Kids' whole environment, in that scenario, is one of 'yes, I can and yes I will'.

I've watched my own family crumble under the hammer of an abusive father (my ex husband) and what happens to children when the atmosphere becomes oppressive and unhappy is inner growth is disrupted and voices are silenced. It becomes a graveyard for confidence.

You don't have to do much to instil confidence in children. They just have to trust that you believe in them and that you're on their side. How we speak with our children and the language we use matters a great deal.

I disagree. It’s more about the parenting - especially in ks1.

I think that a confident parent is more likely to raise a confident kid. If the parent is a doormat or people pleaser then the child the likely to be one too.

Class doesn’t feature in confident kids profiles imo.

I have kids who were picked for everything and one who didn’t want to be picked for anything. They volunteered, came from a home where I would have practiced with them and they didn’t fear failure. They had adults in their lives who modelled how “failures” could be rectified and that it was easy to bounce back.

You see people on here admit to be being people pleasers or unable to have simple conversations out of fear. It’s a real EQ skill to model how to have awkward conversations with compassion and helpful when the kids get older and they want to confess their mistakes.

I have never ever ever heard or read so many questions to do with class as I do on this site! I've no idea why everyone is so obsessed with it. I have never once considered what class someone might be. Does it really make a difference these days? How can you generalise and say one class of people might be more confident than another? I don't get it!

I have 2 children - 1 is quietly confident, but often doubts herself and would never be picked or even put herself forward. 1 is confident always puts herself forward but rarely gets selected - but can deal with rejection, also though she is the go to for certain activities! She must have shown an awful lot of parents around the school 😁

Partly how they’ve been bought up but also very much personality.

In fact scrolling down and seeing "similar threads" it seems this has been done numerous times along with one asking why middle class kids are so much sporty and outdoorsy then everyone else. Its starting to feel like it's quite insulting tbh even though this types of thread usually claim to be coming from a place of caring about the plight of the poor people being so timid and unsporty like tiny Tim out of Scrooge. It's starting to feel like humble bragging or maybe someone has a better word to describe this phenomenon?

It’s just a load of MC parents slapping themselves on the back as usual 😴

Long time ago I saw research into what correlated with success socially and academically and they found it very difficult to find what, but the one thing that stood out was do the parents and children eat together.