Aibu to think confident children are from very middle class backgrounds?

[Potnoodleslover]

In my childrens school the children who get chosen foe everything are very confident & are from very middle class backgrounds (state school).

I can see why these kids are picked, they do a wonderful job but what makes them so much more confident then mine? They are attending the same school so therefore getting the same education..

This is what my husband said, some hairdressers earn more than many professional people with degrees. It's not that it's a bad career, it's a great one, but it was just interesting, seeing the contrast

What a load of bollocks. Yet another MC kids are better than WC kids thread. My eyes hurt from rolling.

I was being ironic towards the poster who made sweeping statements about MC children.

I'm certainly not telling my child she is exceptional, I'm telling her she is able but she needs to work hard to acheive her dreams and we will support her but ultimately the choice and effort has to come from her.

In terms of lifting up the commuinity, she does litter picks, supports young children with reading in her lunchbreak, helps out with her local Rainbows girlguiding group, and uses some of her picket money to buy things for the local food bank.

Someone can be talented and able, and humble and giving at the same time, they aren't mutually exclusive.

The most apparently arrogant children I know are those whose parents don't 'build them up', so they put on this false bravado to cover up for the fact they are hugely lack in self confidence, so they put others down to try to feel better about thenself. Those with true confidence know their worth but don't brag about it.

My DS is confident and clever and we are lower working class.

what makes them so much more confident then mine? They are attending the same school so therefore getting the same education..

Because schools can't undo other influences, background, parenting, experiences, genetics etc etc. A lot of what makes a child confident (and a good learner, and potentially successful) is already in place before they go to school. Certainly before they go to secondary school.

It's a massive generalisation though. I've taught some very confident kids from working-class backgrounds and many middle-class kids with very low confidence.

Ah not me then. My mistake.

Is that not usual for a 7 or 8 year old to do? Can't see why the staff were surprised. I got my own kids to order food etc from preschool age

I’m about as working class as they come. My Mother was confident before she had kids she had been a chorus girl in the post war years. She was a barmaid and would regale us of tales of how she had chucked people out. She was widowed when I was 13 as my stepdad died so she didn’t want to work late anymore. She ended up cleaning at a company and talked her way in to a low level office job. After a few years she was made manager when I was about 19. She is dead now but that company now has a graduate scheme for its mangers, made me chuckle.

I got ok O levels and did professional qualifications whilst working and actually blagged my way in to a job when I was 30 that I had zero experience in at all. I ended up giving talks in front of hundreds of people and getting lots of nice free lunches and dinners. My boss at the time gave me a good reference and said you get an interview for this you will get that job as you can talk your way in to anything. When I left the woman that had my job had a Masters level qualification.

DH had a very MC upbringing and calls me his diamond in the rough. One thing my family have in common is we are good at making people feel at ease. We are very good communicators and that makes you confident. My Mother did love reading and encouraged us to read that’s the one thing she did. We ran very wild and free no boundaries really as kids.

I think us not having advantages in life shows we have natural confidence. Made us resilient and inventive.

@GoldenNuggets08 MN is the home of sharp elbows and chattering classes. That’s not me but it’s fascinating for me having been raised a bit rough and ready.

I don't think class comes into it as such but being brought up in an environment where they feel secure and are encouraged and supported to have knowledge and and an opinion helps -

I think many people from upper middle class backgrounds have less concerns about their place in society this gives many of them confidence

its often really evident when in a group of people from mixed backgrounds

and there is no doubt that knowing your place in society is entrenched in private schooling - that isn't to say all children are confident

I’ve not experienced this. Our school has a fair mix of socioeconomic backgrounds and the kids that’s spring to mind are from less privileged backgrounds. We’re very ‘middle class’ and my daughter is extremely shy.

My youngest son gets chosen a lot. Yr 6. just got head boy. 3 years school council. Often the lead part in an assembly. I am very much working class, husband working to middle class but I would say we love a working class lifestyle. We are as common as muck accent wise. He is being looked into ADHD and dyslexia. But he can engage well in conversation with an adult, just comes naturally and I think that has helped him. Those sorts of things can't always be learnt.

I don't think it's class as such but simply comes from Security . Stable home . Parents who have made a legal commitment to each other that can't be easily undone. (Marriage or CP) .

When they know their life is stable it gives confidence.

Yes my 4yr old does this, it’s a real confidence builder, should be encouraged.

I think it primarily comes from parental attitudes (rather than class) but schools can help a lot.
There are 2 primaries in our village, our one has a lower socioeconomic intake, more SEN etc but the pupils are far more confident and able to interact more naturally than the one which has a more 'middle class intake'. Our school has a huge focus on building self confidence, and you can see it in basic interactions. By the end of year 1 every child is confidently saying good morning to the headteacher on the gate, asking her how she is etc, they interact calmly and positively with each other. The other school has a very academic focus, and you can see there are gaps, when you speak to them they either look away, or go shy, or giggly with nerves, their interactions with each other are more 'spiky' and less inclusive.

Mn is aspirational lower-middle, hence all the threads about class shibboleths, how to replicate ‘private school polish’ and whether your children are doing enough extra-curricular aged five.

My take on the confidence issue is that, other things being equal, what the parents are modelling to the children is key. My parents are both timid and withdrawn (both from poor WC backgrounds), and my mother in particular brought up her daughters in the belief that female self confidence is grotesque and dislikeable, and that people ‘only like shy girls’ who self-deprecate all the time. Obviously, we realised this was dangerous nonsense eventually, but we were little frightened mice at school. DS is seeing two parents function confidently in the world, but you would wonder what the children of some Mners are having modelled to them.

The cocky little shits I went to school with definitely were not all middle class. Plenty from very working class backgrounds too.

I suppose it depends what they are being confident about?

Yes, it absolutely does make a difference.

This may change in years to come but social mobility is currently at an all time low so it may well not change in the way we might hope.

I'm in Ireland and honestly have never heard anyone mention or debate social classes!

And yet social class is everywhere in Ireland too. A bit different to, say, England, with virtually no private schools meaning things are more mixed, and no native ‘upper class’, but absolutely there.

Well to be fair it’s not the sort of thing people usually chat about over coffee.

No not at all. My very working class son has always been confident. He's personable, easy going/laid back, funny, sporty/good at football, fairly bright. He's not a loud mouth or attention hogger but neither is he shy or reserved. He's always made friends wherever he's gone and finds it easy to talk to people of all ages/sexes etc.