To think stay-at-home parents have it easier than they let on?

[bappening]

I'm tired of hearing stay-at-home parents complain about how hard their day is. AIBU to think that working parents have it harder since they have to juggle work and home life?

I’ve done both and working was easier but I suspect it’s because my job isn’t stressful (it was an office based job )

I think it also depends on stuff like whether you have to stay at home /work or chose to do it plus what the other parent is like. If the other parent does very little and you’re a working parent then you’re going to be far more stressed than if you’re a working parent and the SAHP does the bulk of the house and childcare stuff.

(I’m talking actually SAHMs as in, their children aren’t in school. I don’t consider mums whose kids are in school to be really SAHMs, but rather unemployed mums, which is probably significantly less challenging than being a working mum or a real SAHM.)

Hated SAHM. Couldn’t get nursery place for son, we were in winter lockdown. Went back to work and loved being able to pee and eat by myself. Oh, and speak to adults!!

Never mind being the SAHM vs working out of the home mum competition where are these jobs where you have time to drink a hot drink, go to the loo when you want and actually have a lunch break! I could really do with getting one of them!

To answer the actual question I think it depends on the children, the parent and the job. Some will find being at home easier and some will find work easier. The reason we end up with these kind of posts is because for many there is a lack of realistic choice as to which one you end up as.

I’ve done both and it’s about the same level of difficulty. Different things are hard depending on which route you take

My husband is a SAHD. He was away on holiday last week. I am so glad he's back and I'm back at work. Work has it's own stresses but is so much easier in my view. And I o ly have one child😂

I'm an A&E consultant in a very busy department. Being at home with my child is far harder! I couldn't do it full time...

Yes we certainly do. Wondering if someone at MNHQ actually has the job of thinking up goady posts every day to ensure traffic and engagement remains high. 😉

Bit silly to make a sweeping statement without thinking of possible circumstances.

Many stay at home parents are in that position due to having disabled children. Some requiring 24/7. They are unable to work, likely in poverty and exhausted due to little or no support.

An office job would be a picnic in comparison.

People failing to aknoweldge it’s not usually one or the other. It’s usually one (stay at home) or both (work and still have all the same duties at home) in that case, of course being a working parent is harder, it’s not even a question

I can't say I hear SAHP or working parents moan about their lot in life regularly. Not in the real world anyway, maybe more on here. It depends on lots of things surely, not least the personality and abilities of the individuals involved. Some of us would find a particular situation easy to handle but for others exactly the same thing would be a nightmare. And why does it have to be a competition about who's suffering most anyway?!

Oh goody. I'm actually getting quite good at looking at a thread and knowing 'see all' will produce a big fat 0 further posts by OP.
This has been going on for days now. Never any posting history, never any replies, just a bored OP taking a shit several times a day on various topics.

OP - you must be very very proud of yourself. What a brilliant use of your time. Go you!

I’ve been both and being a sahm was much harder

I loved being a sahm, holidays/ sickness weren’t ever an issue, my house was organised & clean.started back full time when the youngest left high school. Each family dynamic is different you do you is my motto

I had 15 months mat leave after my second (two under two!) and also had 4 months off after I was made redundant. Was way easier being a SAHM, would love to be able to do it forever but sadly need the money. I'm part time and that's hard enough balancing work and the children, I don't know how full timers get it all done.

YABU Many women feel isolated at home but don't earn enough to pay childcare and make it worthwhile. You're never off duty when looking after children and it can be as full on as a job. Some love being with their children despite the hard work but are plagued by nagging feelings of guilt because not earning. Many know that when they do get back to work they'll have reduced chances for career progression. Some have support network if they live near parents willing to help but most don't and are with their children all day everyday with nobody to discuss anything with. Responsibility for every decision taken can be wearing.

What? An unpaid role that doesn’t accrue pension contributions, provide financial freedom, no lunch breaks, no work parties- just pure drudge and arsewiping. Sure sounds like great employment terms. I’m sure SAHP’s (who don’t have nannie’s) are living the life. What a bonkers post.

Exactly, it’s not really a question as every situation is completely different. Some work and have Nannie’s and cleaners. Some juggle work and home duties, some are married and one works and one stays at home. Some like a lady on here has 10 kids, some with special needs and barely gets to sleep. Some like myself are single parents working from home 50% of the time while caring for child at the same time, and then childcare sometimes, but being responsible for everthing, which isn’t comparable to someone who is responsible for only a portion because they have a partner

so the question has many varied outcomes, not just two outcomes.

people saying they’ve been both and being a stay at home was harder, are clearly not juggling both those roles currently and have the help in place, or someone else pickin up the load. If it’s a direct choice between staying at home and working, it’s equal in most situations as both are jobs, but again you have many variables, what work, what job, how many hours, how hard is the job, do you have any household duties when you get home or is your duty just making sure the bills are paid, occassionallt bsthing your kid and reading them a story, putting the bins out? It is not harder to be a stay at home parent than it is to be a single parent who works full time and still has all the same household and parenting duties.

Depends on the kids, depends on their ages, depends on the work. I found it boring, but quite liked working part time when one of my kids was little. I'd have loved a stint of being a SAHM when they started school!

Yes it is more difficult when you go out to work but it also extremely fulfilling. It was good for me, I'd have stagnated at home all the time so embraced the difficulties. It was the same for my husband but we made it work and didn't go on about it.

My mother never worked and had a very small world.

Which ever one has a choice has it easier.

In most situations, it’s SAHP who are choosing to stay home and therefore they have it easier.

In some situations, one person could stay home but they choose to work because they find that the easier option.

Obviously if you are working a FT job and doing all of the housework, cooking, admin etc on top then it is harder than doing those things without the 40 hour a week job on top.

It is common sense that anything that takes up a big chunk of your time like working, is going to make life and parenting harder.

I find it incredibly difficult having to juggle working FT and parenting, as well as all of the associated tasks.

Being a SAHP is absolutely easier but I love working. So although it’s easier, I wouldn’t say it’s more desirable.

What is easier with SAHPs (apart from having an extra 40 hours a week for housework and cooking etc) is the fact that they have a partner who allows them to do it, by being the one willing to go out to work.

Being financially secure makes life easier, regardless of working/being a SAHP and typically SAHPs are better off financially (else they’d have to work) and therefore they have an easier life because of it.

I'm a SAHM to a 3yo, I did go back to work 3 days a week for a year and honestly the days at work felt like days off not having to constantly watch and entertain her. She recently started doing 2 days at preschool 9-3 (during term time) and it's like another world not having her round all the time. I really really missed her at first but when I became pregnant it became a lifeline.

Getting to sit and drink a cup of tea and use my brain. My job was quite stressful but I still felt relaxed being there compared to the constant go at home. Got to each lunch alone too which I really enjoyed, I remember it was so quiet

Anyway, you're mistaken OP, in my experience it was easier going to work. Even if you have a bad night with them, you don't get to just veg out on the sofa you still need to be up and out or they destroy your house and then for us there's walking the dog every afternoon and staying on top of the housework (not that the SAHP should be solely responsible for that IMO). I used to carry her for all the dog walks for almost 2 years in a carrier, killed my back. Then moved on to the pushchair which would get covered in mud, like really bad (we live rurally) and the walking was rain/hail/snow/storms. Having to micromanage napping. We actually did contact napping for about 18 months of her life so I didn't have nap time to myself either. The tantrums and the constant negotiation... the loneliness. Also she's been hitting me a lot lately, sometimes to be playful sometimes because she's angry and it feels soul destroying. She kicked me in the jaw yesterday because she thought mummy would find it "funny". Waking every single night wanting to be with me.

It's really hard, yeah.

I was a sahm when my kids were small and yes, it was far easier than getting up, dropping kids off and commuting to work. We did what we wanted and if one was sick, I didn’t have to worry about leave. I found it far less stressful and have fond memories of those days. And yes, even doing housework and cooking around them was easier than work.

My DC are older now but I still work part time due to elderly parents. I find it much more stressful than looking after my DC were when they were little as things like health emergencies are completely unpredictable.

😂