To think my life is too grown up for my age?

[egammo]

I am 24 and have a partner who is 28. We rent a small flat in a nice area of London. We both work long hours in demanding jobs. We go out clubbing maybe once every two months. We see friends maybe once a week. Otherwise we go to the gym and save money for our deposit and for travelling to see the world, staying in nice hotels etc.

After finishing work at 7-8-9pm, I can’t wait to get home and just sleep.

I recently visited a uni friend who live in Manchester. She rents a cheap flat with some friends, a bit like student living. She has a decent 9-5 job. She socialises most days. Goes to festivals. Goes backpacking with friends. Saves some money for a deposit. Generally seems a lot more carefree and living what people think your 20s are like.

Whereas I’d say I’m living a much more sedate and early 30s lifestyle.

What do you yearn to do that you’re not doing now?

if you had two or three times the income, would you live differently?

Without knowing the answers to those questions, this post is 🤷🏽‍♀️

I am now 30s but even at your age I hated clubbing, festivals, backpacking, house shares etc. I preferred the gym, coffee out, more sedate life too.

Me and my OH are 28 living in a house we own (with a mortgage but 100k deposit) with our 1 year old. We have 20k in savings for his 3rd level and are planning on our next child. No inheritance either. We definitely feel we are in a difference life phase to all our friends. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just what your priorities are.

I had my own business at 20, a mortgage by 19 and a baby at 19!

So no I think you're just normal.

I really don’t think it matters what other people are doing. It matters if this is what YOU want to do.

Everyone’s life moves at different places, some people prefer the quieter life whereas others prefer the buzz of constantly going out.

at 23 my son is saving and going out occasionally as he wants to buy his own flat. Dd is 21 and is rarely home as always out with friends.

at 24 I was married , we had our own home, worked full time and pregnant with my first baby, we are all different.

dont measure your life against anyone else’s.

you're living the life that suits you (I presume) as is your friend.
Everyone's different and I don't think there's anything close to an age specific life stage. At your age I was married and pregnant. By 26 I had 2 children.

I think "front loading" the long hours, savings, pension contributions and career progression in early 20s is the best way tbh. HOWEVER, I think you will burn out if you don't do the things you really love. Would taking 1 or 2 annual leave day a month give you more balance?

I think it's only a problem if you yearn for more or feel like you're missing out. Not everyone likes backpacking, clubbing, and festivals and that's fine. Do you feel bored? Do you want to gave more fun?

You're living the life you wish to lead, stop comparing yourself to others and enjoy the home and life you're making for yourself.

I think you're asking the wrong question. It doesn't matter if your life is "too grown up" for your age. What matters is whether or not you're living the life that you want to live right now. Only you can answer that.

Forget what you think you should be doing at your age. What do you want to be doing?

As someone who works to live, I'd say your friend has a better lifestyle. But if you're happy, who cares?

When DS2 was 24, he’d just bought his first house was working long hours in the hospital and spending all his spare time, and money, renovating the house. He hardly ever went out because he didn’t have the time or money to do so.

I think if you’re happy with your life don’t compare it other people’s because there will always be something they do differently. When you’re living in your own home, in a few years, your friend might be wishing she’d lived like you at 24. You never know.

Are you happy with your partner OP or has visiting your friend flagged up doubts. If you are happy and love them and see your future with them, then don't compare lifestyles, she might be looking at yours and wishing she was in your situation.

There is no right or wrong with life.

I bought a flat at 26, solo (different times - 20 years ago). I then regretted it for about six years as it really constrained my life compared to my carefree friends. Now in my 40s with kids I'm so glad. We are in a much better place financially than them because of my decision.

Do whatever feels right but don't forget your future you might thank you younger self

I was married at 22 and seriously looking at how to buy a flat. I lived at home with mother in law to save a deposit and bought a flat in London at 26. DH was 29 . This was very young in London.

we were so focused on saving that we didn't really go on holiday much (think our only holidays were weddings, visits to my home country and one trip to barcelona). But i think it was worth it as we were able to go straight into home ownership and overpay the mortgage (at 2% interest rates). Also got the flat 8 months before the pandemic so having the space was a godsend (relative to living at home).

The life you describe as yours would have bored me in my 20s but also in my 30s and 40s. I think you should let go of the idea that there are ‘age-appropriate’ life categories, so you’re being ‘too grown up’ for your age. As pps have said, if you’re not interested in your current, very sedate life, change it. If you like it, keep going as you are.

And the two alternatives aren’t ‘festivals and studenty flatshares’ versus ‘glum job and gym’. You’re in your 20s, in London. It’s a fantastic city. When I lived there I was out all the time, not just clubbing, but at the theatre, films, eating out, seeing friends, learning stuff.

If you’re enjoying life, what does it matter? Not everyone has to have exciting 20s.

At your age I was still travelling and hadn’t even started my career. My son is your age and rents in London with 3 mates. He’s done his MA and has a good job, but he still thinks he’s a student as he’s always partying, travelling and gallivanting. There’s always a person dossing on a floor in his house. I doubt he saves a penny.

There’s no right or wrong.

Totally depends on whether you're happy!!

I am 16 years older than you, I LOVE my social life. i work hard, do my horses twice a day then we go out a few time a week after for food, coffee, etc. We do a lot of events and things together throughtout a year, at least once a month too.

i couldnt just work and go home every day, that's my idea of hell and it took a while to find a DP that felt the same! My ex just wanted to chill of an eve whilst i'd be climbing the walls to go do something.

I was married with a baby at 25 and it was the most content/happy/fulfilled I had been! Whereas lots of people would be horrified at that thought.

It would be very boring if we all liked the same things.

Agree with others, it's about if you are happy or not. I was never into the being out all the time lifestyle and was happy settled in a relationship in my 20s. Had babies and then now I'm older I have a good social life.
It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing

It sounds like you and your friend have slightly different priorities and that’s OK! I think there’s a lot of pressure in your twenties to be having fun all the time. I also think the fact you’re living with a partner differentiates your priorities from your friend’s.

I worked hard in my twenties and built a career for myself. Life doesn’t suddenly stop at thirty - there’s still plenty of time for travel/festivals etc.

Why not pick one place you’d like to visit and plan a trip there for next year? Or, even better, plan a girls trip! They can be harder to do in your thirties when people are getting married/pregnant etc so make the most of your friends’ free time in your twenties.

What?? I'm younger than you and already have children haha

Same - although I liked the out night clubbing but only about as often as OP, and never had the money for festivals or a super active social life. I had DC1 at 24 and so my lifestyle changed again then too, but it was what we wanted. Wouldn't change anything. Early 30s now and expecting DC3.