To think my life is too grown up for my age?

[egammo]

I am 24 and have a partner who is 28. We rent a small flat in a nice area of London. We both work long hours in demanding jobs. We go out clubbing maybe once every two months. We see friends maybe once a week. Otherwise we go to the gym and save money for our deposit and for travelling to see the world, staying in nice hotels etc.

After finishing work at 7-8-9pm, I can’t wait to get home and just sleep.

I recently visited a uni friend who live in Manchester. She rents a cheap flat with some friends, a bit like student living. She has a decent 9-5 job. She socialises most days. Goes to festivals. Goes backpacking with friends. Saves some money for a deposit. Generally seems a lot more carefree and living what people think your 20s are like.

Whereas I’d say I’m living a much more sedate and early 30s lifestyle.

there isn't a right or wrong but some things are easier to do when young aka saving for a deposit pre commitment. the timing of a few years can matter. I bought in 2019 pre pandemic) when there were 2% mortgage rates interest rates. If i had gotten furloughed during the pandemic (I didn't but happened to lots of people), another 2 years I wouldn't have been able to buy. Then interest rates surged in 2022

I bought in London, a 1930s flat where the price has barely shifted but I would struggle much more to buy today due to interest rates doubling. Its only ok now cos i have been paying off the mortgage ofr 5 years so lower principal. In other parts of the UK, prices have surged and what was possible in 2019 is no longer possible now. in fact i was shocked when i shared my trajectory on mumsnet and other PP ran the sums for me, and said what i did in 2019 to buy a 400k property would only be viable for a couple earning 130k combined. We don't even earn that today, we earn 121k combined in 2024, and earned around 50k less in 2019

Well do you WANT to be be backpacking and doing festivals? I went back packing in my mid 20s but after that I was definitely ready for a more settled lifestyle. You need to just focus on what you enjoy in life rather than what you perceive a 24 year old should be doing. Also your partner is 4 years older, not a big age gap I know but by late 20s myself and DH were pretty over clubbing etc so that may be a factor as well 🤷‍♀️

If your friend is single, that’s going to make a difference, IMO.

Personally, even when I married at 25, I was relieved to be out of the whole clubbing/meat market scene.

I’m in my fifties, some of my mates from school still likes festivals. I have never had a desire to go to one as I despise camping and portable loos so have never been to one.

At that age I was ruddy knackered working for the NHS and living in a flat I was buying.

Is your mate single? I think that’s the difference at any age you have to consider you partner. It doesn’t mean you have to not do anything it’s just that there needs to be consideration. If your life is because it is what you partner and not you want that’s an issue at any age.

But it’s what you like that matters, what others like is irrelevant.

Here is a good example of a great disconnect as to what people like. My mate was off to the yacht club for a Bollinger afternoon. It was a limitless champagne and canapés soirée for 2 hours. You had to be a member though could take guests. I had been visiting her and she was very disappointed I had to be back for work so couldn’t come along. I’m thinking thank God I have to be home.

There's something wrong if you finish work at that time and just want to go home and sleep.

When I was in my 20s I worked those kinds of hours and I'd do the food shop, go to the gym and cook dinner after and just be a normal amount of tired. I'm in my 30s and work longer hours now and save the gym for weekends, but there's no way I'd want to go to sleep that early. I'm still working at 10pm.

Have you thought about reviewing your diet, or maybe your commute/work from home?

She hasn't said what time she starts work or did I miss that?

Unless you are working a job that requires you to be in London, e.g. pays extremely well (150k+), or fulfills a personal passion (working on west end), then you will probably much happier not living there.

Single simple question really. Are you happy? Believe me its all that matters.

If you and your partner are happy, great! And if your friend is happy, also great. I’d be a little concerned about your tiredness at your age, if it’s becoming an issue maybe get your iron checked? I’m in my 30s with a toddler, and I rarely feel the need to go to bed that early.

Is your friend single? That makes a big difference.

Are you doing some travelling already or just saving for deposit and to be able to travel? If you’re not travelling I think you should - it’s good to save but you should also have a bit of fun.

If you’re happy in your relationship then I’m not sure why you feel you have to live the flatshare/festival lifestyle. If you’re not happy and think he’s in a different life stage to you then that’s another story.

In fact the more I think about it a lot of people I know already have children at 24. Your life sounds quite nice op for all you know your friend could also secretly be wishing her life was more like yours.
Is there anything stopping you going to festivals and backpacking with friends if you want to

This is unusual nowadays though

Your life sounds perfectly normal to me. There are plenty of people who only do clubbing when at uni. In my generation - early 60s - there were so few clubs and no real clubbing culture where I studied. Going out was pub, cinema and so on.

Lots of my contemporaries married and had kids almost straight after uni. We definitely didn’t want that. Doing some living first did involve marriage and buying property and going out.

Unless you are a potential Apprentice Contestant

Are you happy?

You're both living age appropriate lives in my opinion, the only thing is you should make sure you also have time for the things that you enjoy. That goes for any age, not just in your 20s. Don't infantalise your friend's life, there are many different ways to live your life.

I felt like this in my 20s, I got a mortgage at 19 and whilst everyone else was at home living with mum and dad and out partying I was paying a mortgage and working an extra part time job at the weekends. fast forward 15 years I am mid 30s, all my friends are settled with children. I have no children and I am much more secure and free to do things I really want to do. Travel but stay in nicer places, go to music concerts etc. Your path is yours and as long as you are happy where you are and where you are heading you are doing the right thing for you. Just make sure you take time to enjoy the now, thats the only thing I wish I did. I really wish I could say to my younger self 'you have nothing to prove by working all hours, saving every penny and not having a life'

I got a rare form of cancer at 33, it changed my outlook, I was very lucky and caught it early but it does smack you in the face and make you realise if you havent spent enough time enjoying the now.

Are you living the life you want to live?
Is it your choice or influenced by your partner?

The thing i would say is that you never get the chance to be young and free again -clubbing, flat sharing and backpacking etc are different when you are older (even if you do them) partly because the volume of people your own age doing the same thing is big, you have more energy etc. You may never have the opportunity to do some of the things again whilst the stuff you are doing you can do at any stage
But as a pp said its not binary - you do the bits you want to.

Nobody is right or wrong, this is just the funny thing about being in your 20’s. I’m in my 20’s and am married with a mortgage and a baby, I have friends onto their 2nd and 3rd child, I have friends just graduating uni, I have friends celebrating engagements and pregnancies and I also have friends doing a season in Ibiza, backpacking around Thailand and going to every festival under the sun. We’re all the same age, but we all have very different lives and are at different stages of our lives, none of us are wrong we are just all doing what we want to do! If you’re unhappy with your life you have the power to change it, but if you are happy with your life then don’t let comparing make you feel something is wrong.

Are you happy? That’s all that matters!

You’re front loading. Working long hours and saving now so you can promote in your jobs and buy as soon as possible. It’s a typical early 20s decision for people in a settled relationship, I did the same.
My single friends travelled more then, I travel more now.
The question to ask is are you happy? Did you feel you weee missing out before you started to compare? If not, stop worrying.

You do you OP. If you’re happy generally and you are excited about the things you’re saving for (genuinely excited for yourself- not doing it because your partner wants you to!) then great. I think your work ethic and attitude towards saving while still having some fun sounds great and will set you up nicely for the future.

The only red flag here is that you are asking the question. If you long to be more carefree then do it. Do you feel that your partner stifles you at all? That’s what you need to be really honest about yourself with. You might have set up a home together but you haven’t got married, had kids or bought a house together. Break ups happen all the time and are hurtful and horrible to go through but if a relationship isn’t right then they need to happen.

I think its down to personality rather than age. I had a mortgage, was engaged and got pregnant at 24. With hindsight I wish I'd waited until 30 to have DC but I wouldn't have been out every night, I'm too introverted and need time to recoup from socialising.

You shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone else.

If you are happy with it, then it’s fine.

We all have different lifestyles and there is no right way to enjoy it.

I work FT, am a single parent and studying so I do tend to go home after work and do chores, studying, relaxing and sleeping.
But I feel my life is moving very fast and I’m not experiencing as much of life than I can be and I don’t want to regret it in a few years time.

So I make sure I stay up later on the weekends and socialise in some way.
Twice a week I now do a club.
And once a month I am going to do something I wouldn’t normally (nothing huge just going to a museum or different area etc).

I love being at home though and I pay my rent so I’m going to enjoy it.

I think sometimes you do have to schedule/push yourself into doing things, as it’s very easy to get into the trap of not doing much.

If I could go back in time I’d want to do what you’re doing. You can go to festivals and whatever at any age but building a strong foundation for a secure future would be my priority. It’s all down to whether you’re happy or not with your life.

Are you happy? Comparison is the thief of joy. If you are happy in your relationship, job, life etc then that's all that matters.