To think my life is too grown up for my age?

[egammo]

I am 24 and have a partner who is 28. We rent a small flat in a nice area of London. We both work long hours in demanding jobs. We go out clubbing maybe once every two months. We see friends maybe once a week. Otherwise we go to the gym and save money for our deposit and for travelling to see the world, staying in nice hotels etc.

After finishing work at 7-8-9pm, I can’t wait to get home and just sleep.

I recently visited a uni friend who live in Manchester. She rents a cheap flat with some friends, a bit like student living. She has a decent 9-5 job. She socialises most days. Goes to festivals. Goes backpacking with friends. Saves some money for a deposit. Generally seems a lot more carefree and living what people think your 20s are like.

Whereas I’d say I’m living a much more sedate and early 30s lifestyle.

This comes across like a smug humble brag. If you want to live a carefree life then go and do it.

Are you happy? That's what matters!

Live your life your way. If you are not happy then look at what you would like to do differently.

Comparison is the thief of joy.....she might envy your life.

I think it's just about what makes you happy, rather than about age/life stages. There are plenty of people in their 40s who would prefer your friend's life to yours, and I'm sure there are plenty of people in their 20s who would prefer the life you're currently living.

Forget about age, and focus on what it is that you feel might be missing. Do you and your partner actually like your jobs, for example? Are the long and demanding hours worth it for the job satisfaction (and the salary)? If you're being totally honest with yourself, would you really rather travel on a budget with a backpack staying in hostels now, or would you rather wait and do it more luxuriously? Only you really know the answer to that. If there's a disconnect between the life you want and the life your partner wants, you definitely need to discuss that and potentially compromise a bit. There is definitely a middle ground between your life and your friend's, so it's not necessarily about choosing one or the other.

From a financial point of view, could you think about moving to a cheaper city? London salary weighting doesn't, in all honesty, make a huge amount of difference these days (I speak as a Londoner who moved to Manchester) and I suspect that even you took small pay cuts you would have a lot more disposable income in (eg) Manchester than you do in London, which would enable you to save but also do a few of the other things you're keen to do.

Well done for being an absolute smug lord, why don't you just say you're better than your friend? Because you obviously think it 😉

You like your life and that's fantastic FOR YOU, people make different choices/mature at different rates 🤷‍♀️

Are you happy with your life OP? If the answer is 'yes' and you wouldn't actually want to still be living like a student, going clubbing and to festivals, then why does it matter what your friend is doing? If you actually envy her life, change yours. It's quite simple really!

Manchester is a very different city to live in from London and it sound like your friend has a balance of work and going out - whereas you life isn't balanced and you work far more than relax (relax being festival's hiking. amping trips etc)

Gosh, I thought the opposite, that the OP sounded joyless and bored with her life, and that her friend sounded as if she had a basically nice life, and the OP was uneasily aware she wasn’t enjoying her own ‘work, gym and joylessness’ regime.

I agree it seems a bit settled and sensible but that's not necessarily bad if you're happy. My 20s were much more like your friends', but now I'm in my mid-30s I live more like you - I'm glad I had the more carefree adventurous years, so maybe work out if you think there's anything missing you think you'll regret not doing when you're older?

20s are weird, just priorities what you enjoy and want to do surely?

I'm 27, married two DC and just bought a forever home after selling our first house and work very part time. Go out maybe ever 2 months
Friend 1, owns a lovely house, works full time, travels loads no parties would rather garden
Friend 2, single mum living at home, was home owner but life threw some curveballs about to return to full time job
Friend 3 corporate girlie, travels loads, makes loads of money and has a party lifestyle

The only thing that matters is if you enjoy your lifestyle and whether you and your partner are on the same page. For what it's worth, I lived a carefree life till my mid thirties and if there's one thing I'd change it's that I wish I'd calmed down sooner and thought more seriously about long term stuff like getting on the property ladder and not frittered so much of my income away on nights out. The earlier you behave like a responsible adult the longer you have to enjoy a nice home and a sensible lifestyle! So well done. And in particular, don't change anything just because you think others will judge you.

I'm more worried you're asking the internet, not about your life style

I was like you OP, pretty sensible sedate 20s, long hours at work, a bit of socialising and travel but mainly work and downtime. DP now DH was also working long hours.

I do regret it a bit now I’m in my 40s, I wish I’d gone out dancing a bit more and worked less. On the other hand, we are financially very well set as a result of working our arses off and buying a place early so 🤷‍♀️ swings and roundabouts right? We’ll hopefully be able to have an early and comfortable retirement and I’ll catch up on my clubbing then 😆

Personally, I agree with you OP. Life is for living and your twenties are a precious and never-repeated opportunity to enjoy good health (for those that have it) with low responsibility. Sounds like you have your head screwed on, but is there a compromise between you and your friends reality where eg you can take a lower stress job for now and enjoy a bit more of a social life? Or use your leave to plan truly amazing holidays? Things that will lead to treasured memories when you're really in the thick of it, in years to come.

Do you enjoy it?

My husband and I are both now late 20's but have never been into clubbing/going out for drinks etc. We much prefer meeting friends for a meal, going on hikes, doing outdoor activities, food festivals etc. It did take us a while to 'protect our peace' in a sense - as in not to compare ourselves to others and do things just because other people are doing them!

There’s pros and cons to both lifestyles. I had a great time in my 20’s, I moved abroad to study and work, met loads of people, put myself out of my comfort zone. It was character building, loads of fun, and I have great memories. But there definitely was a yearning to be more sorted with relationships, career, house etc.

I wouldn’t throw away anything you have now but could you spend more time with friends, maybe even just for weekends away?

Both you and your friend sound completely typical 20 somethings. As do those who already had babies and mortgages. There's so much variety. I was more on your friend's end of the spectrum and had a fabulous time partying and travelling spontaneously but would have recognised you in a lot of peers. Do what makes you happy.

I get the impression something is making you ask so maybe try new things now and again but that could be an art class, aerial aerobics, or volunteering. Doesn't have to be age specific or wild. maybe just the feeling of adding strings to your bow as a person.

Live what you like to live.
I have always found this pressure/expectation to have a wild social life weird. Not everyone enjoys that, there are many people who dont. But you dont get to hear that much.

I don't really understand the point of your AUBU. 2 different people live different lives. Hardly groundbreaking.

The thing is, I went to uni etc, had a great 20s. Lived abroad. Lived in London. I am so, so glad I did.

Over half my friends are divorced now (50) or sadly, their husband has died (3 in last 2 years) it is shocking.

Nobody thinks it can happen to them. Bt it does. Have fun while you can.

At your age, I was 2 years into 3 years I spent backpacking and travelling around the world. I arrived home at 25, penniless, and had to start my career. It took a couple of years to get established, and I had to go back to living with my parents. By the time I was 28 (different times!), my then partner and I were in the process of buying a flat. I had a good job, which led to lots of opportunities, a PhD, and good promotions.

I am now 47, and am disabled, due to a serious injury. I also wasn't able to have kids (unrelated). I'm very glad that I had my time in my early/mid 20s to travel, have fun, etc., as if I'd left it until after I was established, I wouldn't have been able to, once I became disabled. Just be aware we're all one illness or injury away from our lives changing, so it's worth not holding off for 'one day'. I fully appreciate it's so much harder to get on the housing ladder, etc, now, but it's worth a consideration.

NO - in short OP I think your lifestyle is fine.

i do think a lot of kids/young people are too infantilised. I feel even back in 1986 as a teenager I was too infantilised

I was the first one among my friends to buy a house (26) get married (28) and have kids (29) - nothing particularly startling about those ages though you would be very lucky to have/afford a mortgage at 26 these days.

It felt like a bit young to be doing those things sometimes - I met DH when I was 23 and we moved in together quite quickly, though I didn't want to get married straight away as it felt like I was far too young and too quick, so we didn't exactly rush into it.

But while friends can be at very different life stages - I remember friends still travelling and not finding their feet with jobs when I had my career job and a mortgage - people do catch up in the end or their life goes in different directions.

And now at 49 I'm at the other end, looking at paying off the mortgage fairly soon, very senior in my career, and the kids being independent, whereas my friends who left it later will be ten years behind on that.

its defo true.

However mid 30s now we have a house with 50% equity, can put up our feet up a bit during the early child years. Everyone looks at us now with envy. Which in itself is slightly sad but I wouldn’t swap positions.

The times i missed were undoubtedly a riot of fun. But I doubt I would have been able to actually remember any of them due to intoxication. 🤣

If a tree falls in a forest and all that

I think it makes sense to be living your kind of lifestyle at your age, OP, if you like your job and can see yourself doing it in the long term, and if you genuinely want the things you are saving up for - ie fancy holidays with your partner and eventually buying a property with them.

Lots of people only get the demanding jobs with the 10/11/12 hour days in their late 20s or early 30s. If you want to be on that track, with your current partner, then you've made a head start which is great.

If you don't want to be on that track, think about reprioritising. That goes for every age but it's easier to move around at your age than in 10 or 20 years' time.

Honestly OP I think you’re lucky to have the stability of a good job and steady partner you love - it takes some people a long time to find those things. If you’re happy as pps have said, try not to compare - I think life is for being happy in the present moment