To think my life is too grown up for my age?

[egammo]

I am 24 and have a partner who is 28. We rent a small flat in a nice area of London. We both work long hours in demanding jobs. We go out clubbing maybe once every two months. We see friends maybe once a week. Otherwise we go to the gym and save money for our deposit and for travelling to see the world, staying in nice hotels etc.

After finishing work at 7-8-9pm, I can’t wait to get home and just sleep.

I recently visited a uni friend who live in Manchester. She rents a cheap flat with some friends, a bit like student living. She has a decent 9-5 job. She socialises most days. Goes to festivals. Goes backpacking with friends. Saves some money for a deposit. Generally seems a lot more carefree and living what people think your 20s are like.

Whereas I’d say I’m living a much more sedate and early 30s lifestyle.

Any life style is fine at any age if you’re happy. If not then change things.

Well I was pregnant at 24 and will now spend the rest of my twenties looking after a young child/children. So you could say I'm "too grown up" as well, but this is the life I want. I tried the partying/travelling life at university. It wasn't really for me and I wasn't interested in continuing it all throughout my twenties as I was already bored of it. I've always wanted to be a mum and I'm much happier now. Everyone wants different things.

When I was just a kid I was basically raising my younger sister. I got her up, dressed, fed and to school in the morning, the whole lot. Parents were alcohol/ mentally ill. I left home at sixteen and had to fend for myself. That was having to be too adult for my age.
What you’re talking about is more life style than life stage. You’re an adult, you can live your life how you want to. You sound like you’re very sensible and making good life choices.

As long as you are happy that’s all that matter.

I’m early 30s, mortgage, 2 kids, full time job etc. I still have friends with no kids, renting a falling to bits flat and spending all their money going to creamfields.

Theres no rights or wrongs in life, just what makes you happy.

When I was your age I was engaged, saving for my wedding and a house. The idea of going raving filled me with dread, I wouldn’t have been happy living that lifestyle but of course it’s great fun for other people.

Everyone's lives are different op! I wasn't a clubber whatsoever at uni and I was happily married with a baby on the way by aged 24. Do what makes you happy.

Depends very much what you want, I was the same as you but yearned for the other life, but was stuck in a dead end relationship and had slipped into a dynamic I didn't want yet. Left at 30 and lived it then 🫣🤣

Worked in international development and circuses and am reasonably certain I lived in a wooden hut in a circus at that age - we’re all different !

Sounds like my twenties, but I know adulthood is postponed longer now. Agree with others, living a life consistent with your wants and needs and values, that has meaning and purpose and a balance of 'kicks' and contentment, along with coping resiliently with the usual struggles and suffering that life brings, is the stuff of living well. Don't compare, do plan.

I don't think it's a matter of age.
I'm 45 and I'm very sociable and need to see friends / go to parties / very often. Clubbing maybe once a month.
All my friends are the same. Middle-aged, urban, childfree, some disposable income, probably pathologically immature but who cares.

Anyway, if you're happy that way, that's all that matters.

It's impossible to know what you'll regret when you're fifty/sixty/seventy ....

But it doesn't sound much fun to me. And you'll never know if this boyfriend will be with you for life. If he ups and leaves (or you do) when you're 45, will you wish you'd had more fun when you were young and energetic?

It all depends on what makes you happy. I spent my 20s living in London, working and playing hard. It was the 90s so the club scene was amazing, and we volunteered at festivals so got free tickets. I met my husband and we were able to rent a gorgeous little flat, and we kept on partying until we decided to have a baby in our thirties. We would be better off financially if we had bought our flat for 60k ( now worth ten times that), but I am glad I didn’t as I have such brilliant memories, and if we had bought then we would probably have lost any gains in the Irish recession when house prices halved, as we moved there after London. The secret is to do what you want to do, not what you think you should be doing. If you feel your life needs shaking up, just do it! You only get one shot at life, I’m glad I didn’t waste it.

Everyone is different there is no rule that says at a certain age you have to behave a certain way. What matters is what feels right for the individual.
You sound as though you think you are missing out though. You should think about what is important to you and why you are not content

It’s not about the age you are. Yes, I spent my 20s out on the lash, flat sharing, partying and not really thinking about the future. When I settled down though it was because I met someone I wanted to stay with and build a family with, not because I’d hit 30. I’m in my mid 50s now and plenty of my friends from back then still live that life. I dip in and out with them but couldn’t do it all the time, I’d be knackered!

It sounds more like you don't have a good work/life balance.
Maybe you want to think of moving to a cheaper area so that you can free up some cash and time for now of the things you'd like to do now.

There's a hugely wide range of what's 'normal' in your mid 20's.

Living at home is normal. Having a mortgage is normal. Some people are planning weddings and/or babies. Others are clubbing and/or travelling at every opportunity. Some are still studying or thinking about what careers they might want, others are becoming well established in their chosen field.

There's no right or wrong, that's the beauty of it! As long as you are happy with your choices, don't worry about what anyone else is doing.

I would say you're ahead of the game. If I were your friend, I'd be worried that I was behind it.

Getting started on the important things while you're in your 20s is a good way to go.

It just depends which way round you want to do things. DH and I worked our backsides off and worked, worked and worked. Had two children by 28 and bought our property at 25. We are now 38 and 39, morgage free and visit the world with our children. Whilst my brother who is 3 years younger, did it the other way round, but is now 35 and just had his second child. I will be child free sooner, but who knows what the future holds.

24?

Deeply boring to me at that age. I travelled the world, had fun, had a variety of great jobs, lived in great places in London. My 20s in London were incredible.

But you have settled down and good for you. Not for me. Everyone is different.

It’s swings and round abouts.

You’re getting your head down now and saving so life can be a little easier/living in a better place etc sooner and then when you reach those goals you’ll be more comfortable to be able to have more “fun”

where as your friend is doing the “fun” things now and now concentrating so much on upgrading her living conditions etc and therefore won’t reach those goals as soon as you.

it’s all about balance and thinking about what’s important to you.

Your trip to see your friend has unsettled you. Maybe you need to have a hard talk with your partner. This is the decade for fun stuff. And you won’t get these years back good luck

Living with friends is a lot like Friends just without the laughs and more gunge in the sink. Maybe your friend is rather wistful about your life?

I think everyone is different. 24 is young but I had 2 kids by then and 4 by 28. I kind of stopped the clubbing phase of my life very quickly but realised I didn't miss it. It's a bit of a strange age because you're still in your 20s but it's not far from 30 and that's when I think most people mature and know their own mind that bit more.

Your set-up would not have suited me in the slightest throughout my twenties or thirties, but if you’re happy then what’s the problem?

Do you enjoy your life or wish it was different? That is far more important than what you "should" be doing based on your age.

I'm younger then you and have 2 kids and a house and I'm truly happy as all I ever wanted was a family and stability. So it depends what you want that's answer is different for everyone age has nothing to do with it your an adult