To be so floored by this comment

[Applebyapples]

For background, since having a third child I can't find much time to look after myself, am too exhausted to eat well as my third has had some health issues on top of everything else, and my weight has crept up to the point I'm now a size 18-20. The excess weight doesn't go on me evenly though, a lot of it goes on my tummy and the fact is I look like I'm pregnant. Every now and then someone comments thinking I'm expecting and it knocks my confidence, but usually I get over it fairly quickly. However I just can't get over an incident that happened on Friday, I know I'm probably being unreasonable and need some sense talked into me.

I was going to a friend's hen party and felt quite self-conscious as I knew some people who I hadn't seen since I put the weight on would be there, probably judging my appearance. However I got my hair, eyebrows and nails done, wore a new top that I thought was quite flattering and actually arrived feeling quite happy and confident. However, I'd only been there about half an hour when someone I'd never met before walked in and immediately made a comment that assumed I was pregnant.

This really knocked my confidence, I'd been feeling good about myself and was even wearing control underwear for goodness' sake! But obviously everyone still only needs a quick look at me to assume I must be pregnant. I tried to brush it off and stay upbeat but spent the rest of the evening feeling like crap, hated it when I had to join in with games and all eyes were on me, and left as soon as politely possible. Since then I've been feeling upset and really worried about attending the wedding in three weeks...there'll be other people there who I haven't seen for years who will presumably also be thinking how rubbish and fat I look, and however much effort I make to look nice it obviously won't make any difference.

So tell me, am I unreasonable to be feeling like this or should I just have brushed it off by now? And would I be unreasonable to make an excuse to not attend the wedding?

If you bat the comments back with ‘nah I’m just fat’ and a smile I can guarantee the commenter will feel ten worse than you and hopefully never make assumptions like that again.
Look, you’ve birthed three babies, one quite recently and you should be super proud. Your body has changed. It may or may not get back to how it was. You can’t spend your life feeling self conscious and miserable and wishing you looked different. Wear your most flattering clothes, a smile and project confidence. It really doesn’t matter one jot what others think. Do you dwell a lot on how other people look? I bet you don’t. Most other decent people don’t either.

It’s happened to me a few times. I actually find that it happens when I look nice and well put together as this then highlights the imperfection of the bump, whilst people who are more overweight don’t get the same comments. Yes it does upset me initially because I tend to take things to heart and dwell on things - that’s a whole different issue I need to work on.

At the end of the day tho, I know things are the way they are because I’ve had my focus elsewhere (work/home, securing my future rather than vanity, while for you it’s family) and done what I needed to do for me. So that renders other people’s opinions worthless.

Please forgive me for unsolicited advice but I’m having so much success with weight and health benefits on keto, I’d really recommend it (with advice from a doctor obviously).