To be so floored by this comment

[Applebyapples]

For background, since having a third child I can't find much time to look after myself, am too exhausted to eat well as my third has had some health issues on top of everything else, and my weight has crept up to the point I'm now a size 18-20. The excess weight doesn't go on me evenly though, a lot of it goes on my tummy and the fact is I look like I'm pregnant. Every now and then someone comments thinking I'm expecting and it knocks my confidence, but usually I get over it fairly quickly. However I just can't get over an incident that happened on Friday, I know I'm probably being unreasonable and need some sense talked into me.

I was going to a friend's hen party and felt quite self-conscious as I knew some people who I hadn't seen since I put the weight on would be there, probably judging my appearance. However I got my hair, eyebrows and nails done, wore a new top that I thought was quite flattering and actually arrived feeling quite happy and confident. However, I'd only been there about half an hour when someone I'd never met before walked in and immediately made a comment that assumed I was pregnant.

This really knocked my confidence, I'd been feeling good about myself and was even wearing control underwear for goodness' sake! But obviously everyone still only needs a quick look at me to assume I must be pregnant. I tried to brush it off and stay upbeat but spent the rest of the evening feeling like crap, hated it when I had to join in with games and all eyes were on me, and left as soon as politely possible. Since then I've been feeling upset and really worried about attending the wedding in three weeks...there'll be other people there who I haven't seen for years who will presumably also be thinking how rubbish and fat I look, and however much effort I make to look nice it obviously won't make any difference.

So tell me, am I unreasonable to be feeling like this or should I just have brushed it off by now? And would I be unreasonable to make an excuse to not attend the wedding?

Yes because commenting on other people's bodies is just unavoidable 😧

I don't care if it looks like someone is in the throes of active labour... DO NOT ASSUME THEY ARE PREGNANT.

I always, always, always wait for people to offer the information. I pretend everything below the neck doesn't exist.

There's not really any excuse for it these days imo. There's loads of reasons why people carry weight in certain ways, someone could have been pregnant but experienced a loss etc.

Oh OP you’re not being u reasonable to feel knocked by this. A year after my DC2 was born I was mistaken for being pregnant twice in one week. The first one was a school mum and she was absolutely mortified and the second was a cashier who literally didn’t give a shit 😂

I would be inclined these days to say something back and make it clear it isn’t acceptable to assume someone is pregnant without them saying. I had a dear friend who needed to have a medical abortion due to a pregnancy that was not viable and for the week before the procedure she was regularly asked about her baby bump, both by strangers and acquaintances. I think it showed me that even if someone is visibly pregnant they still may not want you to comment on it. Sometimes people need to be told in no uncertain terms that this is not appropriate and in fact incredibly hurtful.

Just some solidarity. I was always so skinny, but then I went on a medication that caused hypothyroidism and gained 4 and a half stone. My thyroid function went to normal on it's own so I didn't even get thyroxine to help me lose the weight. I feel horrible, and heavy moving around. I've been dieting to 1400 calories the past 10 days and can't see any difference yet. Starving all the time, but I'm determined to keep going and will think about cutting down more if I need to

Oh no, this has happened to me a few times and it made me feel awful and so self conscious. It’s just my body shape unfortunately, I wasn’t overweight. You are definitely not being unreasonable to be upset! People really shouldn’t be commenting on other people’s bodies, it is very rude.

I wouldn’t miss the wedding though if I were you, even though I appreciate it might be hard to go to if you’re feeling self conscious.

Someone once thought I was pregnant when I was a size 10-12 due to the dress I was wearing!

I brushed it off so I think this is more to do with how you feel about your size generally than someone thinking you are pregnant.

It's time to try to put yourself and your health first. You've got three children you need to live for.

Watch your posture. Stand straight and tall. Look up videos of how to 'zip your core' or 'engage your abs'.

If someone asks if you are pregnant, say a firm 'No'. MN hard stare optional.

I had diastasis recti after two difficult pregnancies which I still haven't managed to sort out, nor have I managed to shift the baby weight, so I've sort of resigned myself to the fact I do look somewhat pregnant depending on what I'm wearing. It doesn't bother me because I have different life priorities right now, but I can understand how it could be a bit of a knock to have an open comment on it, so sympathies!

I really should use " My body is not your business" but it seems rather aggressive..I have tried " I am just fat" though I am not. And when I am feeling cranky " I am 52! Do you know any women this age that are pregnant?".

This happened to me and I would agree that I was pregnant to kill the conversation. You could tell by their confused faces that they knew I was not pregnant and were just being nasty. When my son got to year 3 I started going to the gym for an hour after I dropped him off then go to work or work from home. You should see the way they look at me now but they don't say well done or anything. You're doing the right thing focusing on being a mother as I did. When you have the space then spend time on yourself. I adjusted my diet (mostly used oven instead of frying) and reduced eat crap days but still eat crap so life is not dull. Made .y own drinks with a juicer and drank more water. Got step aerobics bench from lidl and yoga bits from aldi so I can use u tube to exercise from home but it took years before I had time and motivation to do this. Also making sure hair and eyebrows/lashes were done made me feel good too despite the belly. You're doing great x

I used to get this so often when I was younger. Not because I was particularly fat, but because I had poor posture and weak stomach muscles. I genuinely did look pregnant. When I was about 25 I started exercising regularly. Gradually my posture improved, my stomach toned up and the comments stopped. Until I reached 30 and got pregnant! But even after the babies my stomach never went back to the 'bump' of my teenage years.

Don’t ask people if they are pregnant or ask them when they are going to have children.

I don't think it's amy worse than other shapes, my friend is apple shaped but has amazing legs and thin arms, I think lucky her!

Sorry OP that said, I would no way comment on this as just rude and unnecessary.

Must’ve felt awful. But, is this a wake-up call that you can use to spur you on? You would be helping yourself and your dc if you lost the weight and gave yourself a better future.

It isn't always about being overweight. As I said I am a 10-12.. People don't need wakeup calls. We know.
What even?!

But OP is overweight. I’m replying to her post.
Some people are rude and will always be rude.

It's not for OP to change how people behave, it's up to people to be less thick-witted and not make stupid and unnecessary quips about pregnancy. What would be a good recovery, do you think, should you (general) make a misguided comment only to find that the woman has lost her child? It happens.

Stop making stupid, ill-mannered comments. That is behaviour that everybody can and should manage.

Awww that is rotten! Especially if you made an effort and felt great. You could ask them why they think that but some people would not feel embarrassed. Ignore as much as you can and enjoy yourself. The bitch in me would like to say "Why do you ask"? and have them squirm!" I have never been in that situation though as I am all over fat!!

Hmmmm

When did you have your 3rd?

It could be your friend in common had mentioned you were pregnant at one point etc and this person has got confused and still thought you were. I know my friends talk about others from their work and I only pick up on bits, if I ever meet these co workers, I rack my brain trying to remember anything I’ve been told to try and find something to talk about.

Could just be a brain fart?

I know several women who have had to field ‘when’s it due?’ type comments, when they’re not pregnant.

There’s nothing you can do except brush it off.

Why the fuck do people think they can ask someone if they are pregnant! Fuckers!!

Ive been asked this at a wedding : it really knocks your confidence. I never wore that dress again 😞. I think when it has happened once, you should prepare something to say in case it happens another time eg “how rude! No I’m just fat”. The woman who said it to me wasn’t exactly tiny. I could have said “ when are YOU due?” Just decide what you would say and say it and you’ll feel miles better if it ever happens again, plus they may think twice about doing similar in the future xx

Some people are clearly just too stupid to be out and about. If you can't engage your tiny brain and think that there may be several reasons so best to keep quiet then please, stay in and don't inflict your cowardly spite and/or stupidity on other people. It's you that needs to change, not them.

Actually, I've noticed a few posters of the 'just diet' variety on this thread, it's like catnip to them. Stop giving weight loss 'guidance' where it hasn't been requested because you're very, very obvious and nobody is fooled. Pathetic.