I hate how I've let myself go

[rustyspoon45]

I'm late thirties but truly feel I've aged beyond belief in the last year or so.
I've put on so much weight. I've always yo-yoed but now I'm 12 stone and pushing a size 16 which is the biggest I've ever been. It's my own fault because I over eat, I make bad choices and I drink too much. I have no time for exercise and even if I did I'm too exhausted.
My hair is a mess. I'm wrinkled and bloated. I have no nice clothes because I don't have the time or money to shop. I just look like shit.
I keep telling myself that as dc get older and I get a bit more time back I can make positive changes. Right now it's full on with a toddler and tween. I lurch from one hectic day to the next with no forward planning or preparation for myself (just for them!)
But realistically I think it's downhill from here. I don't think I will get this weight off like I used to be able to in my twenties because frankly I don't have the motivation. When the dc are finally in bed all I want to do is sit down with a glass of wine or a cuppa and a bar of chocolate. I know these things are bad but they relax me.
I just can't stand looking at photos of myself and I'm getting where I don't even want to go out and see people. I just want to my at home in my safe space where nobody can see me.
I'm not a vain person and I know there's so much more than appearance but I'm shocked at how quickly my looks seem to have just gone.

I'll need some more info on what a heel lift is for tomorrow's challenge...

So while standing ( at kitchen worktop is fine), weight evenly across both feet, rise up on your toes lifting both heels up off the ground at once. First couple feel very easy, by about 30 you will feel a proper burn 🔥 up the back of your calves . When I’m being good with these they tone my calves up noticeably within two to three weeks . I’d try to do three groups of 30 a day - while kettle is boiling is a good moment. If your balance is off you can gently hold the worktop but don’t let your weight go through your hands; it should go through the legs .

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I empathise. I hate it when I don't feel good in my own skin too.

Just because you have children, doesn't mean that you can't take some time out for yourself. Looking after yourself is important and you deserve to feel good. Do you have a support network?

I can also relate to you with the chocolate. I have a very sweet tooth too.I would start with small changes when it comes to diet. Don't deprive yourself of the sugary things, but keep an eye on it. Just make little tweaks here and there and before you know it, all those small changes create a big one. For example, I've switched from white bread to brown, only have red meat once a month, bulk out my dinners with more veg instead of more rice or potatoes. Maybe you could try things like that too. As for the sweet stuff, I'm still working on that but what works for me is when I don't have the stuff in the house. If its in the house, I have no discipline and so I dunno if you're the same. Maybe still have your chocolate, but slowly cut down on the portion size? That's what I'm trying to do!

As for the alcohol, you can get a lot of alcohol free alternatives. Schloer is great to have instead of wine!

I hope you start to feel better in yourself soon.

I hear you. 13 stone when my 'normal' weight is 9 stone. Don't even recognise myself on the ring doorbell footage! Actually makes me cry.

Following for some tips but just feels like 4 stone is too big a mountain to climb.

What about fresh strawberries dipped in dark chocolate 🍓 🍫 and chilled in the fridge for an evening treat? The chocolate still has calories but as a treat it’s not devoid of nutrition! And better than a Mars bar type treat.

I know some people are finding it hard because the thought of losing a lot of weight seems difficult but think of how much better you'd feel and look if you lost just 1 stone.
Think about the next stone later.
It's mainly about feeling better. Feeling more confident, positive and energetic. Sometimes eating well helps your thinking to be sharper.
There's every reason to go for it.

@Calliopespa thank you so much for the help!

Just a few suggestions...

If you ditch sugar in all its forms you'll have the energy for 15 minutes exercise a day.

Do try it - I can almost guarantee that these 2 steps alone will change your outlook, and your life.

@nosmartphone I'm the same. Currently 13st 4.6lbs, should be around 9st. I am trying to focus first on getting back into the 12 stone bracket. Then aiming for the next half stone off etc.

@rustyspoon45 how is it going with the water today? I'm on my second litre of water and have had a flapjack for breakfast (oops) and a ham and cheese ciabatta for lunch. No snacks or extras. Two cups of tea. Aiming to drink the second litre of water by the time I leave work at 5.15ish.

I’d cut out ham, and white bread, if you want to see results faster, @Eggsley.

I suspect it’s easier to maintain one’s preferred weight if you don’t eat meat at all - as meat meals do tend to encourage consumption of carbohydrates and sauces, etc, etc. A piece of grilled salmon is more … self sufficient.

I'm doing well with the water. Managing at least a litre at work through the day and hope I'm clocking up the same at home. Still been a bit naughty with the snacks but I'm going with the add good things don't take away bad things at this early stage 😂

@CapaciousHag yes I will get there eventually. Unfortunately I have IBS and lots of fibre is not good at all so I am sticking to white bread for now - will have a think about what fillings to have that are better than processed meat. Cheese on its own just gets so boring! I guess tuna would be ok?

I am trying to focus on reducing snacks and drinking more water to start with. Trying to make gradual changes that can become habits rather than a complete overhaul which I definitely won't stick to.

@rustyspoon45 well done on the water, it's a great start. I have had my two litres today and had a banana mid-afternoon. I do feel a bit less exhausted after work, so I've just done some hoovering before I make dinner. Trying to keep moving rather than sitting down and doing nothing!

Is there a reason you have not looked at Mountjaro weight loss injections... I was you for 23 years !

The Cambridge diet
Weight watchers
Slimming world
The gym for two years 3 x a week (made me fit but no weight change )

Even had a gastric sleeve.. on the NHS as the steroids prescribed for chronic disease made me eat like someone dying of hunger .. was fab took me from 21 st to 15 st but there I remained for 5 years...until (bearing in mind I only had a 200ml stomach at this point ) and then ...

Mountjaro.. have been at 'goal' for 4 months .. I weigh every morning. I give myself a 5lb leeway.. I have a maintenance dose once a week of 10mg.. it cost me £126.pm BUT I am no longer interested in a coffee every day or any kind of snack. I very happily live on veg, pulses and protein. (Not a veggie but prefer fish) .. I save about £70 pm on my previous food bill.

I am 11 st exactly... at 5'7 literally 3lbs off my 27 year old weight ...

If you join Noom you can get two weeks free before you pay. I learnt loads and lost 3kg in a few weeks. It’s so easy to cancel temporary subscription too. You can turn it around. This is the first step.

Great news op! You will soon feel a bit less brain foggy and look a bit hydrated/ glowing in the face.

It’s a great place to start as you need your organs flushing well when you start trying to process fat out of the body.

Would you like chocolate dipped strawberries do you think?

I feel the same . About 5 years ago I used to look really pretty , got my eyebrows, hair , nails done , waxed all over , bought nice makeup , perfume and clothes all the time. Went to the gym or worked out at home. Some stressful situations and stresses with children of course has led me down a different road. I eat the wrong food , put on a lot of weight , aged about 100 years and drink too much and feel exhausted. I look in the mirror now and think how ugly. I understand its not about vanity one bit. I am determined to get back to myself and it can be done . I find cutting out on the alchol at night and doing something for me when children are in bed such as a soak in the bath and relaxing music or watching a film. Making sure I have a night-time routine and skin care routine or sitting with a face mask on. Trying my best to start the day off with something healthy to eat. I recently got a skipping rope and challenged myself to 100 skips per day and now I feel like taking up more challenges. Start small. Even if you dedicate just 1 hour to yourself a week and look forward to that hour and treat yourself, the more small steps you do the more you will want to keep it up and do more. It really can be achieved.

@AboutVattime firstly I can't afford it 😂 secondly I do enjoy food (obviously too much) and I don't like the idea of never wanting it iyswim. I want to be able to go out for a nice Sunday lunch and not feel full and gross after two bites.

But if money was no object I probably would give it some consideration to be honest.

Hate to say if but you don't get more time as they get older....you can leave your kids for a bit but you are also an all hours taxi!

I would cut some carbs....and think about your portion sizes. Small changes there can really make a difference.

Following.

Im 46, 5’4” and 11st 6. Ideal weight is around 9st 3. So over 2st to lose. Was doing well a couple weeks ago with diet and exercise but now fallen off wagon due to birthday and stress of having my toxic mother to visit.

So, back to square one. This week, I am focusing on not drinking and getting good sleep each night. I’m not worrying about the food this week as I am in another office today so have no choice but to eat out. But no booze and good sleep.

Once I’ve got the sleep on track I am re-starting (seemingly for the 50th time) couch to 10K Monday. And will ensure I do a good meal plan and shop to be able to diet next week.

Im going to try to make it about self care. So lots of heading to bed early with a book, trying to cut down stresses etc. Pleading with my husband not to invite anyone over or make any social plans until December!