I hate how I've let myself go

[rustyspoon45]

I'm late thirties but truly feel I've aged beyond belief in the last year or so.
I've put on so much weight. I've always yo-yoed but now I'm 12 stone and pushing a size 16 which is the biggest I've ever been. It's my own fault because I over eat, I make bad choices and I drink too much. I have no time for exercise and even if I did I'm too exhausted.
My hair is a mess. I'm wrinkled and bloated. I have no nice clothes because I don't have the time or money to shop. I just look like shit.
I keep telling myself that as dc get older and I get a bit more time back I can make positive changes. Right now it's full on with a toddler and tween. I lurch from one hectic day to the next with no forward planning or preparation for myself (just for them!)
But realistically I think it's downhill from here. I don't think I will get this weight off like I used to be able to in my twenties because frankly I don't have the motivation. When the dc are finally in bed all I want to do is sit down with a glass of wine or a cuppa and a bar of chocolate. I know these things are bad but they relax me.
I just can't stand looking at photos of myself and I'm getting where I don't even want to go out and see people. I just want to my at home in my safe space where nobody can see me.
I'm not a vain person and I know there's so much more than appearance but I'm shocked at how quickly my looks seem to have just gone.

Well here’s a willpower moment: between now and about 1 pm I’d try sipping your second 500mls. You want to finish your final intake around 7 pm so you aren’t up peeing in the night! 💦 But by 7pm you can oat yourself on the back that you’ve taken a first step.

Can you get out for a big walk with your little one? Walking can make weight loss so much easier aswell as being really beneficial for overall health.

@Calliopespa I've just finished my second 500mls, I've bought some bottled water so I can see exactly how much I'm having. My estimation of 500ml this morning might have been a bit generous. But definitely had at least 750ml at this point and now I can refill the bottle to keep going through the afternoon.

You’re doing one small thing, that equals a step in the right direction. 😇

What activities is your older kid doing that he can't manage the little one by himself? My youngest was always eg on poolside with a sticker book or waiting outside of some class or other with me while the oldest did the activity and DP was in work.

Great news! You are well on the way to a target by this evening op!

Well done @rustyspoon45, you are taking the first steps. I am also trying to drink 2 litres of water today and am on about 750 ml so far. I've got a half day off work today as have a function this afternoon/evening, so I'm going to try and get a litre done before I go, and another litre while I'm out.

My next step is to have some yoghurt and fruit for breakfast/in the morning instead of a pastry and a sausage roll. I had chocolate cereal and a yoghurt this morning, so will be starting this change from tomorrow. Then next week I'll think of another small change to introduce.

We can do this!

That's nice they your kid would do that. Mine doesn't sit nicely unfortunately. Also it's mostly outside so not really fair to drag a toddler out in the rain and cold when they could be at home. It takes away from the experience with older dc as I can't support him while wrangling a toddler.

Basically dh works as hard as I do. We just have no family help. But as I've said, he's not the issue here (other than cooking too many delicious pasta dishes) it's me and my motivation levels.

Yes life gets complicated op and you are not the only person who lets it get ahead of them. It sounds as though you prioritise your Dc and lots of people I see put on weight from that route. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

With the pasta dishes, if you try having one of your glasses of water just beforehand, you might find you eat a smaller portion. Though if you don’t, I guess it might just stretch your stomach which isn’t really what you are aiming for! Do other posters have experience with the drink before a meal approach?

Joining in the challenge! Downed my first pint before lunch. Now sipping my second with lunch

You should see my ankles and lower legs once I started drinking far more water - honestly thought I had a muscle wasting illness

I think the best thing you can do is find the type of exercise that you really enjoy so it doesn't feel like another chore. When you find the right thing, it will help you relax and give you a buzz like chocolate does. But I appreciate that time is an obstacle currently. But every little movement you do is worthwhile, I don't think it's true that just going to the gym once a week would be pointless. It would be valuable even in that it would be something you're doing just for you. And also really beneficial physically. I'd cut out alcohol and try decaf tea in the evening if you're not already to try to improve your sleep. Twinings English Breakfast decaf is great! You will get back to yourself. It's so hard having little ones.

You’ve identified very low motivation levels are the main problem. So you have two choices. Either you accept that your unwillingness to make any changes means things won’t change, and learn to accept how you look and feel now.

Or you force yourself. Huge effort, no excuses for a few weeks, which should be enough to start to make the habits stick. Have a habit tick-sheet: water, steps, exercise twice a week.

Have you tried weight training? Main draw might be that between sets you can spend a minute or two on your phone!

Are you wrangling kids while your DH is playing Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen every evening? If that’s all he has time to do at night, he needs to start doing much quicker dinners, so he can watch the kids while you go for a walk, or do a load of laundry while it’s cooking. Standing at the cooker with a podcast on is a luxury.

I know how hard it is to feel like you have no time for yourself and the hit it can take on your confidence. This is easy for me, an Internet stranger to say, but you are being so so hard on yourself. You’re busy and spend all day putting other people’s needs first, but it won’t be this hard forever. For now, focus on the basics. Try to sleep as much as you can, get some walks, drink enough water and protect your mental health as much as you can. As others have said here, it’s the small things that can start to turn it around for you and it starts with showing yourself some kindness x

Just had my third pint. Is 2 litres Actually enough to make a difference?

2 litres is perfect. Nothing dramatic will happen today! But you are on your way to refreshing your whole digestive and waste system, rehydrating and flushing out water retention which isn’t weight lost in the true sense of fat loss, but still loses inches and makes you feel less bloated and lethargic.

How goes it op? About 1500 yet?

To lose weight you don't need to exercise, you don't need to spend money at all.

Download a free app like MyFitnessPal, figure out your calorie goal to lose weight at a reasonable pace (1lb a week is fine) and stick to it, eating your normal foods but less of them.

You'll have the weight off in no time and feel so much better about yourself when you can look in the mirror and like what you see, plus seeing a mum that cares for her appearance and isn't unhealthily large is a good example to set for your kids. You don't want them growing up thinking being overweight is normal and inevitable.

Yes life is exhausting, but thankfully losing weight doesn't have to be. Don't buy into the nonsense about needing groups or hours per week or fancy food or pills. If you start tomorrow you'll be a pound lighter this time next week and you'll see the difference within a few weeks. You can do this, millions of other people do, you're not special! In the nicest way possible :)

I was exactly like u then mu son started going school so I got time to concentrate on myself but my first goal is losing weight as I k know I will never feel good until I'm slimmer , I shaved my legs today which is a plus ! 😂

Buy yourself some sugar free sweets (Wethers or M&S do good ones) and keep a few handy. It won’t work if you’re starving but sometimes it helps when you crave a flavour or something in your mouth.
After food clean your teeth so you won’t feel
like eating more - it won’t taste as good and it’s a faff to reclean them twice.
Have peppermint tea after meals -
aids digestion and is strangely filling. Also no energy rise and crash like coffee.

@Calliopespa I managed 2 x 500ml bottles throughout the day and with what I had this morning and what I'll have this evening I think I will crack it. Definitely drank more than normal.

Could you try that then, just book an evening exercise class to try out. Once a week might not seem like much, but it would be a step in the right direction, as a previous poster said.

I honestly have terrible motivation when it comes to exercise, which is why I don't bother working out at home anymore, because I always found a million excuses not to do it.
But I eventually found an exercise class I enjoy (or at least one I don't hate) which makes it easier. Also, I book online and pay for the classes in advance, and I usually do them on regular days, so after a while it becomes just something I do on Thursdays and Sundays. Also I have it scheduled in so I don't forget it, and it's more like an appointment.

I feel more obligated to go, as if I miss it I will lose the money. Plus I know from experience when I get there it'll be fine, it's just the motivating myself to do it bit.

Basically I've learned from experience that I sort of need to trick myself into doing it, because my natural inclination is not to bother (even though I actually quite enjoy it) because I'd much rather sit on the couch and eat cereal - so I put in place these tools to help stay disciplined.

Could you try something like that - tell your husband that one night a week you need a fews hours to do something, whatever it is. Then try out a few different classes and see which one you prefer. Make than another small step.

This is me!! No time to even read the thread fully due to working, 2 young kids and no family support , but had to just jump on to say that I totally get it.

I live in dread that I'll bump into someone who knew me 10 years ago and I'll see the shock all over their face! Not likely as I live so far away now but there's always a chance when I go home.

I think little steps are key as it all just feels too overwhelming otherwise

So op I’ve tracked my water today in solidarity! I’m usually reasonably good but am definitely feeling I’ve been to the loo quite a bit! I think I normally have more like 1.5-1.75 litres.

BUT have just been to the bathroom mirror and think I’m already getting that glow from plumper, peachy-soft smooth skin that comes from being properly hydrated. If you were a bit more dehydrated, it may take a day or so more but I’m confident it’s on the way. Hope you are nearly there with the glugging, and bravo for starting your journey to a more soignée op!

@Calliopespa

I thought of you and op this morning and did have an extra glass of water. I'm glad to come back to this thread tonight and I'm going to drink more tomw.

Thankyou!

Great! I’ve already got the beginnings of the glowy skin look but I had a head start!