To think the one who wakes in the night should sleep a bit later the next morning?

[Oneandaquarter]

DD wakes in the night and she also wakes crazy early at around 5 … AIBU to think DH should get up with her then since I’ve been up in the night?

Take it in turns

Really … so even though I’m up two or three times I have to get up at 5?? 🥱

Definitely. Mix it up though if you can.

We take it in turns. I tried to do a bit more than my DH when I was on mat leave but tbh it was probably only 60/40. Now I’m back at work we take it in turns to be “on duty” & that includes night wakes & the early morning…

When you say "wakes in the night" - do you mean that they need a little bit of comfort and then back to sleep.

And then 5am is the "I'm getting up now" wake up?

If that's the case, I'd say they're not the same. I'd alternate between the two as presumably the other parent gets woken at 1am too.

I do most of the night wakes with our baby as she is bfed, OH wakes with the toddler but that’s rare as she generally sleeps through. On the weekends he usually does both early morning wake ups because he has had better sleep at night. It works well for us and I think it’s fair

Clearly I need sleep as I just made up that the child woke up at 1am. No idea where I got that from.

as presumably the other parent gets woken at 1am too is this a joke?

It depends. You can be up anything from ten minutes to two hours.

I get up with DC in the night and DH gets up with them early in the morning. It means we both work out with about the same energy/tiredness levels.

DH briefly waking in the night but not having to get out of bed and deal with DC is nothing like being actively up with them

Not a joke. Even if they don't get up, surely they get woken up?

If you're up for two hours then you should get sleep though. The OP didn't make it clear that it was multiple times and for hours.

i would say yes, you should stay in bed longer but I would also consider when each of you goes to bed; how physically exhausting are your days and generally how much sleep each of you needs.

Yes - pre agreed turns.

but also, sleep train!

YANBU OP. That's what we do. I BF and wake up in the night more (these days only when she's teething usually) so DH wakes up early with her.

No, DH never wakes up. I hear snores as I fumble to DDs room. Taking turns just feels really unfair on me, broken nights sleep and crazy early start. Worst of both worlds.

When our dc were little, we had one early riser and one dreadful sleeper so we tag teamed. DH would do late night / early hours shift wakings. I would then be up for the early breakfast shift. Not ideal but the only way that both of us could get reasonable sleep.

But this was when I was back at work and neither of us have jobs where being tired would be dangerous.

Now we have a puppy and run a very similar tag team.

I think by taking it in turns they mean one night you do the night wakes and he gets up with them at 5am, then the next night he does the night time wake ups and you get up at 5am. Surely that's the only fair way?

YANBU

I remember one time when I had been up half the night with ds1 and then he woke up for the day at 6. I asked my then husband to get up with him and he threw a tantrum "but I have to go to wooooooork"

He's now an ex husband

I’m a bit confused @Oneandaquarter. Taking turns would mean that one of you does the night wakings and one does the early mornings. I say this kindly as I know that you are tired to the bone but posters are agreeing with you that you shouldn’t do all of it.

The turns have to be for each part of the night. We used to do a night or a morning. If he doesn’t hear her first, a gentle waking is required —elbow to the ribs—

get ear plugs for when it’s not your turn

DD tends to wake twice, one is earlier in the evening (anytime from 1030 to midnight) and once in the wee small hours, anything from 1-3.

I find I have to wait a while for her to be in a deep enough sleep to go back on her cot especially that second wake. So I sometimes wake up enough that I really struggle to go back to sleep myself and sometimes I’ll just have nodded off at say half four and then she wakes at 5 and I have to go and get her because DH just doesn’t hear her.

Sorry @Ohcrap082024 . It doesn’t work, he just doesn’t hear her and I would do I’d get woken up anyway!

I’ve always done the night and the early mornings (between 4-5) , might get a slight lay in on my birthday 😂

Dh used to let me sleeping if I'd been up in the night

Do you have room for a bed in her room? So when it’s his turn he’s in her room and you’re in yours with ear plugs? I don’t buy the excuse of not hearing - what would happen if you also chose not to hear?