To think the one who wakes in the night should sleep a bit later the next morning?

[Oneandaquarter]

DD wakes in the night and she also wakes crazy early at around 5 … AIBU to think DH should get up with her then since I’ve been up in the night?

@ButterAsADip the use of the word ‘rejected’ is again very personal and more than a bit misleading.

Saying ‘look, this doesn’t work for us’ is not ‘rejecting’ something. If someone says ‘wear this dress’ and I say ‘it’s a size 10 and I’m a 14 on a good day’ I’m not rejecting it or them, I’m just explaining how things are.

It’s the same here. DH doesn’t wake up. That can be infuriating, it can be frustrating, it can be useful (!) but he doesn’t. That’s just how things are. Telling me to make sure I do wake him up so we can take turns getting up with DD is just ensuring we are both getting as little sleep as possible, and it is fair to say that some people on the thread have fixated a bit on that. Likewise the ‘DH does the first wake’ posts. I wake for DD anyway. DH doesn’t hear her half the time even if he’s awake so again all it’s doing is ensuring my sleep is minimal which is bonkers. I know this; it’s obvious to me, but people won’t stop with the endless ‘do this; do this; do this.’

When you’re well rested it’s mildly annoying, when you’re not it can be really frustrating and while I’ve snapped a bit I really don’t think I’ve said anything that bad, it isn’t as if I’ve been swearing or full on renting! If getting but terse after the twentieth ‘wake DH up post’ is a crime then sue me!

I don’t think it’s shit but it is exhausting and it also isn’t the only thing I’m dealing with just now.

Ah sorry, I see what you mean. It's a nightmare.

For what it's worth, of course it's reasonable of you to want DH to do the mornings. You need some sleep.

Does he wake up with an alarm ?
If smoke alarm went off

My dad is deaf so has a vibrating alarm and smoke alarm under his pillow

Is he ignoring the crying sound like as I said previously so many dads happen to do .......

If dd wakes up 5ish then he sets his alarm for 5am or 4.50am and he gets up and Has coffee /read in bed /watch tv till dd wakes

You are at stalemate as no what you are asking isn't unreasonable but seem dh doesn't care that you are shattered and at end of tether and doesn't seem to want to do get up at 5am after having an undisturbed good nights sleep night after night

And again why so many have said sleep train

When I had a DH (now exh) who didn’t hear Dd waking up, we went through a phase when we each slept in her room for a night, then slept in our bedroom the other night. So we each got a turn of a good night’s sleep.

It was almost like he didn’t hear her unless he fully knew he was on duty.

She was over 1 by this point but she was a terrible night waker for years - partly I imagine due to being a very sick baby until about 9 months. She’s a very brilliant, capable 16 yo now 😂

I think that’s what it is with the non hearers. They don’t think the night waking is anything to do with them, so tune out. When I have been hospital overnight with my dc past waking age, I could easily zone out other people’s babies and toddlers as they’re not my responsibility!

We don’t need to resort to a smoke alarm under his pillow - yet!

I know I’ve been criticised for being snappy on here but seriously how many times in different ways can I make it clear that DH waking up for the night wakes is not a solution, not least because they wake me too?

Yes, your DH getting up at 5am with DD is fair - plenty of people do that for the gym or their commute, especially if he isn't waking up in the night.

But.
He does hear her.
It's just his brain is filing this as 'not your problem - go back to sleep'
I'm not saying he's doing it consciously, but if you get him to agree to take the early mornings and stick with it, his brain will catch up in the end.

if it’s 5am daily he should set an alarm.

My DH is very much like yours. He’s not being a dick, he’s genuinely a really heavy sleeper and it’s so much effort to wake him up that by the time I’ve done it I’m so awake myself anyway it’s not worth the faff. So yeah, wherever possible he will get up early in the morning with DS and let me sleep in, or if we know it’s going to be a tricky night (teething, illness), he’ll stay up til 1/2am to cover the first half of the night while I get some rest.

Literally just trying to help, and I get that reply that’s basically nothing to do with what I suggested 😅 ok……

You’re trying to win an argument, not help.

If he really can’t get up in the night of course he should do mornings - but sounds like he doesn’t wake then either!

Exactly this

If he doesn't wake in the nights then yes he should be getting up in the mornings until this phase passes.
If he doesn't wake in the morning then he should be setting himself an alarm for her earliest wake time to make sure he's awake.

If you weren't there (school residential, visiting elderly parents, weekend away with friends) he'd have to hear them overnight and in the morning so he is (perhaps subconsciously rather than maliciously) using you as a crutch.

If he doesn't like the idea of waking every morning with her (either waking to her or setting an alarm to ensure he's awake for her) then he needs to have a conversation with you about what he feels is his solution that's fair to you both.

How you doing OP? I completely agree with you on what should happen, as I said upthread. I'm really interested in why you thought it even might be unreasonable to ask him to get up at 5. It's not!! I wonder if your DH is not being fair. So I , like some other posters too I think, are wanting to support you with holding your ground & making your case, if that's what you actually need.