To think the one who wakes in the night should sleep a bit later the next morning?

[Oneandaquarter]

DD wakes in the night and she also wakes crazy early at around 5 … AIBU to think DH should get up with her then since I’ve been up in the night?

What’s the reason for the waking? If it’s a baby who needs bf then obv only one parent can do it. Anything else then take it in turns or sleep train if that’s the issue . I spent 18m doing every night wake and then we paid a sleep trainer and it’s incredible now. I tell DH he has to do every morning to make up for it (instead we take it in turns).

If you are always the one up in the night and he doesn’t/wont/“cant” wake for you share the night wakings and early starts evenly, then yes, he should be getting up early the next day!

I would be furious if I was always doing both, and wouldn’t stand for it.

Do you both head off to work in a morning? Are you a SAHM or on maternity?

Oh he’s one of those with hearing that switches off when he is asleep!! He doesn’t hear her because as far as he is concerned, you do so all good.

Have you told him that tomorrow morning he needs to get up and do the breakfast shift as you are shattered and need to sleep?

@Skykidsspy i knew someone would say that but he really honestly doesn’t hear her. The weird thing is we have a slightly older ds who seems to have inherited this trait. We all had to stay in a hotel room once and dd was about 8 months and teething and screamed all night but ds just slept peacefully throughout it. He once fell out of bed and just stayed asleep 😂

It is a bit annoying because it all falls on me overnight which is fine if I can catch up a bit the next morning.

I work 3 days a week, but to be honest my days off are harder work!

I probably will have to look into some form of sleep training but I’ll wait until a bit of a holiday because otherwise it’s too hard. That second wake is pure habit I know it is, but it’s tough to break.

I just think it shows a massive lack of caring and respect for you to allow you to shoulder the entire responsibility and run yourself into the ground. A loving partner should do more.

If you’re both going out to work he needs to take it in turns. It’s unfair for you to have to do it each wake up and an early start.

Why?

Yeah I had one of those. One particularly bad year, 3 kids were constantly ill and rag-teaming throughout the night and he'd wake up the next day and say "oh the kids were quiet in the night, weren't they?"

Like yours, he's now an ex. Utterly clueless in spite of begging for more help/engagement.

If he's not doing any night wakings then yes he should do the early morning get up!

We used to have an air bed on the floor next to the cot and DH would do a shift in there half the night, and be on duty. I would put ear plugs in.

What possible justification could he have for not getting up with her in the morning if you’re doing all the night wake ups?

How old is she ? Does she nap ? People will say cut out her nap but if she doesn’t have one I suggest maybe try introducing one - sometimes children can be just too tired to sleep if that makes any sense I know it worked slightly with my son we used to get up a lot earlier than 5 but no he just about stretches to 5 with a bedtime of 8:30 and a 1-2 hour nap in the day

With both kids we've done it that I do night wakings (I need more sleep overall but do fine with broken sleep) and DH does the early mornings (he needs less sleep than me but struggles with broken sleep) and I sleep in.

It's worked out well. I'd be pretty resentful at getting through the night and at 5am! I suppose it depends what the night wakings entail though, if it's a 30-second resettle that's different to a proper broken night's sleep,

It also worked to my benefit as the kids don't really wake me in night now but DH is still in the routine of taking them early morning

She does nap, she’s 14 months and usually sleeps 11-1 ish but there’s some variation. We’re at a funny stage as she’s sort of needing two naps but also doesn’t: I do find nap transitions hard.

I think it's fair to share the wake ups if you can but also know it's difficult if you BF or have a DH who is a heavy sleeper. I used to do all the wake ups with my DC for these reasons and was mostly okay as I for back to sleep. The problem is I think a
either of you getting up at 5 am every day is also exhausting. How old is your DD? Are you both working?

If he's not waking up in the night, he should be getting up early in the morning every morning.

Really, it would probably be fairest if you alternate- so one night you do the wake-ups and he does the morning, then switch for the next day. But tbh, I ended up doing the night wakings because my DH was slower to hear DS than me, and I'm such a light sleeper anyway that I'd be awake no matter how speedy he was. So, I got the lie in every morning, and he'd handle DS right up until he went to work.

That was actually fine with me because I found I slept better when I at least had some kind of pattern, in that I knew I could sleep uninterrupted from the last night wake to when DH went to work. Body clock just adjusted in the end- DH got used to going to sleep earlier and waking up earlier, and I got used to going to sleep later and waking up later. I think you sleep better if you sleep and wake at roughly the same time every day, although I know the night-on/night-off pattern works fine for many.

Basically, I think both parents should be entitled to the same amount of sleep. However you arrange that to happen probably doesn't matter too much as long as you both get enough sleep to keep ticking over. If he's getting every single night with no wake-ups AND a lie-in every other day, that's not bloody on.

Ruthlessly kick him out of bed at 5am if he refuses to do any of the night wake ups. Yes you’ll be awake too but try to go back to sleep.

my daughter is the same age. I make a hot water bottle every night, if she wakes up I put it in the cot while I settle her so when I put her down the cold doesn’t wake her up (obviously I remove it when I put her down). Don’t know if that helps but it helps us.

Also I got good blackout blinds and since then haven’t had to get up at 5. I got one that suckers to the window.

I know you didn’t ask for tips so ignore what I said if it’s a broken record.

Don’t waste your energy “sleep training” just get to bed earlier so that a 5am wake up doesn’t seem so painful. Or put baby to bed later at night in the hope they wake up later.

I've been same boat my DP never ever heard the kids however he would hear them if I wasn't home which I always found odd! But anyway he would always be snoring fast asleep I would get up in the nights he would get up in the mornings no way I'd be taking turns if I was up in the night! It's either one night each and the other gets up early or you do all the nights he does the mornings in my opinion

I do the wake ups in the night as I BF, baby is 16 months, and husband does pretty much every morning which means I sleep for 45 mins - 90 mins more depending on if I'm up early for work! It works well for us 😊

I used to do the middle of the night shift as I'm more of a night owl.

DH would get up and do the early 5am start and let me have an extra couple of hours to sleep. We would both go to bed around 10pm so DH was probably still getting 7hours of sleep (with a bit of disturbance) and I was getting a bit more albeit in two parts.

It's rubbish but it doesn't last forever.

We used to share weekend lie ins- one have Saturday one have Sunday; we got up in the night if it was our lie in morning.

While it’s still this crap one of you needs to go to bed early. The other does the 10-12 waking (as awake anyway usually). Then swap the other waking / early start with each other. So everyone is getting a decent stretch. So:

early to bed - early wake up
late to bed and waking (especially if she’s down again by 2) - sleep till normal time