To think the one who wakes in the night should sleep a bit later the next morning?

[Oneandaquarter]

DD wakes in the night and she also wakes crazy early at around 5 … AIBU to think DH should get up with her then since I’ve been up in the night?

Misery loves company, we shared the pain.

When they were babies, DH would get up early with them while I slept until he needed to get ready for work. When they were sleeping through, I got up in the mornings and we took it in turns at weekends so we both got a lie in each week.

At 14 months, I'd sleep train as soon as you can.

In the mean time, if you get up at night then DH needs to get up at 5.

I tended to do nights as I bf, always got the morning in bed then, I think it’s the rule isn’t it?! The night shift hands over at six!

YANBU. I have breastfed our kids so by default did all night wakes, and DH does the mornings. When they started sleeping through if they did wake we would generally take turns. It’s brutal being up at 5am when you haven’t had a block of sleep. The block 6am-8am DH would give me is always the most valuable, I found!

We do this. I’m up breastfeeding 21 month old DD at least once, usually twice. Then DP gets up with her when she wakes about 5.30 and I go back to sleep for another 1/2 hours. Works well for us.

Wake him up to do the early bit so you can get a few extra hours. Kick him if you need to.

I do the night wakings (if any) and DH does the mornings.

Maybe take turns with both - so the one up in the night gets to sleep later, but then you switch over for the next night.

Then everyone also gets a good idea what the other one is up against.

I agree that one parent doing all nights, but the “lie ins” (and I suspect it’s not much of one anyway) being shared isn’t fair.

My little girl is the same.
If one of us is up at night for a while, the other will do the early morning (weather we both got woken up or not). Particularly on weekends, we try to have one lie in each.

Tbh you shouldn't be doing all the nights wakes. Your creating a habit for your DC that only you can get them back to sleep. Very hard to reverse once established.

My husband wasn't hearing her either until we agreed to split. I was the one waking him up until he started to hear it himself. Now it happens sometimes that I don't hear her and he does!

Not everyone agrees with or wants to sleep train.

I am not anti sleep training as such and I do think in all truth and honesty it can be kinder to do so than to have crazy situations with three / four year olds still waking multiple times per night, exhausted parents and general lack of routine, but I do sort of feel DD isn’t ‘that’ bad. I sleep trained my eldest because he was that bad, but it was still bloody horrible and I’m reluctant to go down that route just yet.

Fairest set up.

Take it in turns.

Someone goes to bed really early. 8pm. The. Sleeps.

The other one stays away for the first wake up. Settles child. Goes.back to bed.

The first person then does the middle of the night wake and go back to sleep.

And then the second person does the early start.

That way everyone should get at least 6 hours undisturbed sleep.

And then either do a.week each and swap. Or do alternate nights

@Dishwashersaurous i felt tired just reading that.

We can’t just go to bed at 8. My older child goes to bed around then and (my constant cry!) Stuff Needs Doing!

DH doesn’t wake for DD. To do what some on here want me to do, I’d have to go to DH room, wake him, wait for him to groan and shuffle, have a wee, go to DD, fail to settle her, spend however long listening to him struggle while I’m wide awake myself, then be up at 5 as it’s ’my turn.’

Or I can sort DD myself, but then have a very broken night and actually have an hour or so in the morning.

You can go to bed at 8-9 while DH does the stuff that needs doing.

Perhaps DH can sleep in the same room as the 14m old, so he wakes at 5 for the morning shift, and you get up for the bf in the night, but put earplugs in when you return to bed.

No, I really can’t! He can’t eat my dinner for me, prepare next days lessons for me or mark my books for me!

Sorry - not meaning to be an arse here bur I do know my own life.

Then you prod poke and kick him
Out of bed to deal with dd

It's amazing how many dads just don't hear ........

Or you are letting him get away with it

Or you sleep train.

You say dd isn't that bad - but bad enough to complain on mn she wakes 2 times a night and up at 5 and you are tired

That's fair enough. Anyone would be

So sleep train

5am is still middle of the night. In 4w that will be 4am as clocks go back

I got the lie ins whilst BF and getting up in the night, when they started sleeping though we then started taking it in turns.

@Blondeshavemorefun did you read my above post? I’m not being up half the night to ‘train’ dh or whatever weird point people think I should be making.

Does you DH ever get up at 5.00 am with your daughter or do you do all the night wakings and all the 5.00 am starts?

Dh is a early bird and he took dc for a breakfast. I got up when he needed to get ready for work. I probably had to wake up four times a night because both dc kept waking up.

He doesn’t hear her at 5 but if I take her to him he will take her. It is hard at the moment I agree with the dark cold mornings, I just can’t do both!

Haven’t read everyone’s replies, but definitely your DH should get up at 5. And without any question when you are working the next day. I can’t imagine any other answer.

Yes I did

But you are letting that happen

I do sleep training and the amount of times I hear a mum say that about a dad

Yes you may have a couple of nights unsettled while you kick dh out and he tends to dd

You are both working. Why should it all come done to you ?

Fair way as you said would be you to do nights but sleep 5/7am and him get up when dd wakes at 5

But he won't even do that

People are making suggestions. You can go to bed at 8pm, not every night but the weekends perhaps.

The most important thing is to get some sleep, however you get it.

The other thing you can do is go away just you for a couple of nights to properly sleep and your husband will have to parent.

Once you've managed to sleep properly for a bit everything else is manageable