Would you take on c. 10K debt to have one chance of another child?

[ohcrapimuseless]

Just it really.

Would you take on c. 10k to have the chance of having another child? (likelihood of one round working less than 20%, would need ICSI, multiple health / age risk factors associated with pregnancy loss / infertility / high risk pregnancy).

A friend told me they wanted to do 'everything they could' do assure themselves they had tried to have another baby hence doing rounds of IVF. But they are loaded / piles of inheritance / no mortgage so not needing to take on debt. It's made me feel like I'm not committed to giving my child a sibling and that I can't be sad because I'm not trying hard enough. I can't think straight on this and feel utterly overwhelmed.

YABU - I wouldn't take on that debt for less than 1/5 chance
YANBU - I would take on that debt for less than 1/5 chance

If I had no children then I would spend that without a question.

If I had a child I just couldn’t. It is a lot of money for a fairly small chance of success.

No I wouldn’t take on £10k of debt for an 80% change of heartbreak.

I’d rather plough my love and attention and finances into the one beautiful kid. Having no sibling isn’t the end of the world.

I would be very nervous about it. It would depend on loads of things like age, current and future earnings, mortgage and how likely it is that it will be paid off by retirement, pension etc.

It isn't an easy question at all. Deciding to stop at 1 healthy much loved child and not taking on the physical and financial risk of ISCI is a decision nobody should criticise you for.

If it were me I would probably would but be very strict that it is only that one chance. You need to know when to draw the line. Obviously it is complicated by having another child and you feel guilty saving thousands which you could spend on your existing child but on the other hand you will be thinking what ifs a lot. It isn't an easy decision and some do have endless money.

This.

It would depend on how/if/when I could repay that debt, as it would affect my current child if I couldn't repay it. If I could, over 10 years, and my current child was under 5 then yes, maybe
If I couldn't, or not within 20 years then no, because i would see that ten grand as better spent making a difference for my current child e.g. for a house deposit/wedding/university fees.

No

No, if I didn’t have £10k savings I wouldn’t get into debt for it when I already had a child. That £10k could be used for your existing child.

I personally wouldn't as I don't have that urge but if I did have that urge I might well be persuaded it's a debt worth taking on.

For first child yes, second child I always said i wouldn’t but perhaps when in baby fever I would but I think DH would be the voice of reason and say we agreed we wouldn’t

Personally, no I wouldn't. I would have a good life with the child I have.

There is absolutely no guarantee that your children will get on or enjoy the same things. And there is no guarantee of a healthy second child. It's all up to whatever fate gives you.

I wouldn't spend £10k to potentially be in a less happy place.

No absolutely not.

Yes, if I was comfortable and could afford the repayments without it affecting my family.

I wouldn’t for a second child. For the first child, yes.

I wouldn’t as even if it works you are starting a new life with no money, rather getting anything you need for the new baby (or could be babies such as twins) you have to cover deng repayment in addition to existing bills. Likely on lower money as one on maternity leave.

No. I was in this situation until recently, and I thought about it quite hard, but I think I would find it extremely difficult not to get pulled into the cycle of 'but what if it worked next time'?

You are absolutely allowed to be sad. It is sad. Please don't feel as if you have to move heaven and earth in order to 'demonstrate' your right to feel sad (or to demonstrate you wanted to give your child a sibling).

I would.

It's not an insane amount, it's a level of debt some people take on for cars and holidays.

If it works it's well worth it and you'll always be glad.

If it doesn't you'll know you tried, and 10k of debt won't follow you forever.

I would stop there though.

However I wouldn't feel that I should. It's a want not a need.

I would, if I really wanted the chance of a second kid, and if I could manage the debt.

Most people keep a lot of the baby stuff though.

I think it depends on your circumstances and how significant £10k is. If it didn't give you and your family a hugely worse quality of life / stress and you had the means to pay it back I would go for it. You can't take it with you.

I think you are perfectly reasonable not to want to accumulate debt, have IVF or put yourself through anything in pursuit of a pregnancy. My first child took me 6.5 years, three rounds of ivf, two surprise natural conceptions and a total of three mmcs before a successful pregnancy. We knew that after that we would never ‘try’ for a second child. I had such conflicted feelings, I wanted another but I was absolutely not going there to put myself through years of disappointment or any further medical intervention.

I did actually go on to have DS at 41. A total surprise after I’d made peace with being a family of three.

No.

Your first child will have a lower quality of life if you're in debt, you have a disabled child, or you have problems during/after pregnancy that debilitate you.

This. I would also be mindful of the time, stress and attention it would take away from your child. Could easily spend two years wrapped up in it, it fails and you suddenly wake up one day regretting missing the childhood of the child yu have. Who may feel pushed aside and not enough seeing the lengths yu are going to

I did exactly that. Put 10k on the mortgage. Needed ISCI etc. It didn't work - well, it did initially, but I had a late miscarriage. It was utterly heartbreaking at the time. I knew it was the end of the road and any more debt would seriously impact the DC I had.

Looking back, I actually don't regret it. I got a puppy after the miscarriage who has been the most wonderful dog, and it gave me closure I wouldn't otherwise have had. It was a lot of money and a lot of stress. But weirdly if I had to go back I'd probably do the same thing again. You do need a definite end though, a point beyond which you stop.