To feel slightly suspicious of dp

[wwyt]

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

This sounds the depths of sleaze 😢.

@Gymnopedie has it right, I think.

Oh dear.
So the possibility of an affair is actually in your mind anyway.

I know! It doesn't make any sense.

Please don't think it can only be him cheating on you. There can be a legitimate reason for him to not be telling you something... like some cash in hand work. I do realise that's unlikely but it's not impossible.

Also is there any chance him and your best friend could be having an affair? It would be horrible to have her come back and say no he's not cheating to then find out he was with her.

How very patronising of you. I didn't say they wouldn't cover for him if asked. I was working on the premis that most peoples go to wouldn't be "Dad I'm cheating on the missus and you're my alibi" when there are easier lies to tell.

If the relationship between you and his parents is not good, he may feel torn and they may have been pushing it with him. His compromise may have been to go see them on a morning, in the knowledge that you will be at home with the baby and then he can come home to you on a night without losing time with you, his family. Maybe not said anything as he doesn't want to rock the boat,

You have said your intention was always to marry, how have the wedding plans been coming along? Anything said about this lately? Maybe he is working secret overtime to pay for something, maybe your wedding or a special treat.

But in my heart of hearts, I have to say it does sound strange, as its very early to leave given the history and clothes situation.

I have always said to follow your instincts and follow the detail. I think I would also be tailing him, when your mate does, don't just see him into his parents house, ask her to wait around if she can and see what he does next?

Please update us as I am now very invested in this! I hope it has the best possible outcome for you!

To be honest OP, quite aside from whether or not he is having an affair, I don’t see how this can ever be a fully healthy, trusting relationship.

for whatever reason, you have no relationship with his closest family. He is obviously close to his parents but you have no contact with them. That for me is such a red flag I don’t really see how the relationship can work. People might disagree but you are clearly lacking trust for his AND his entire family - you feel like they might all be colluding against you.

Im so sorry (especially as you share a child) but I think this relationship is probably doomed.

This was exactly my thought!
Both my DH and his father would absolutely change getting-up habits for this, and then say they were going for a run/ to the 8am communion service (seriously, and it was an excuse used for a fry up).

Bugger. I want a full English now

@wwyt

Would his parents abet his cheating on you? Even if I detested a DiL I would still never countenance or 'assist' my son cheating on her. If he was that unhappy, I'd probably tell him to get a divorce, but I'd never help him to cheat.

If DP does go into his parent's house, would your friend be able to 'hang out' for a half hour or so to see if he leaves alone for a second (not work) destination? If his parents would abet him, they may be allowing him to clean up there then scoot off to 'wherever'.

Mine was like that - it’s a blessing most of the time but can be a curse, especially with nap times pushed later and sometimes not getting her into bed for the night until midnight.

I mean people do strange shit, but shagging at 7 am is way out there,

I don’t think it’s too out there that he may be meeting someone at 7am for sex but I do think it’s weird that someone would have an affair for an hour a day 5 days a week and they’ve found someone who would settle for that!

But then another poster said her husband was having an affair for half an hour a day (sorry to that poster, that’s awful), so maybe it’s not that unusual!

@theemmadilemma This is so true! My EXH DPs knew he was having an affair for ages before I did. They didn't say a word, despite me seeing his DM most days!

Yeah sorry should have been clear. Who entertains a man in their house for sec every day at 7am, and if they do, they don’t have kids.

Yep, my ex h said he had to go in early and stay overnight for due diligence..

My bet is that Mumsy has told him what a terrible wife you are for not making him a fry up every day so he goes there instead! Adds up if he’s also anti gym/ scathing of a healthy lifestyle

That's exactly what I thought. I hope not though.

Commenting just to placemark in the hopes OP comes back with an update after the friend has followed him tomorrow!!
I agree it sounds odd but as a single mum getting 2 kids ready for school each morning I personally wouldn't be wanting a shag at that time every day, I've got shit to do lol and I say this as a woman with a fairly high sex drive

You can just click watch thread.

I usually delete those notifications and only pay attention to the ones I've commented on. I also wanted to add my 2 pennies worth as noted in my 2nd paragraph......

well if he WAS having an affair he could also be seeing them when he takes baby up - drops to play with granny for a bit, and then nips out for some more

Why doesn’t the conversation go….
“why are you getting up so early?”
”to collect my dad and put my work stuff on”
”but that only takes 5/10 minutes. Why are you leaving an hour and a half early? We could have a morning cuddle if you didn’t leave so early!”

I would be suspicious too
From what you've said I wonder if he's reconnected with an old friend?
I'm glad you have a supportive friend.