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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel slightly suspicious of dp

969 replies

wwyt · 27/09/2024 11:36

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

OP posts:
Original poster
wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:14

Week01 · 27/09/2024 12:11

Have you said to him...how come you're leaving at 6:45 when you don't start work til 9 or 10? Could he be wanting to get to theirs of a morning for some breakfast/cuppa with his parents?

Yes I've asked him and he's just like I need to collect my dad and get ready for work. I thought maybe he was having a cuppa too or something to eat but he comes home to me and tells me he hasn't ate all day he was too busy working

OP posts:
alwaysstressed · 27/09/2024 12:14

Id follow him sneakily one morning and see if he does go to his dads

harrumphh · 27/09/2024 12:15

Seems weird to me, I can't see a mum having time to have a shag before the school run, and I can't see a non-mum getting up that early unless forced to - I certainly would not want to shag anyone that much, and I'd feel a bit used/suspicious by one hour a day at 7am!

I'm going with he's doing something he knows you won't like, but not that.

FloordrobeIsGoingToGetME · 27/09/2024 12:15

How come you don't speak to his parents, OP?

Do you have kids with your DP? Plans to marry?

CleanShirt · 27/09/2024 12:17

Stbxh would get up for the gym at 4am... Spoiler alert, he was not at the gym.

Original poster
wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:19

FloordrobeIsGoingToGetME · 27/09/2024 12:15

How come you don't speak to his parents, OP?

Do you have kids with your DP? Plans to marry?

His mum is a very rude lady. She doesn't know her own ignorance. She told me I had put on weight one time and she never pictured her son to be with an overweight girl. I did put on weight but still not classed as overweight. Very long story but she's not someone I would like to be around.

Yes we have a 1 year old and we always had plans to marry!

OP posts:
Original poster
wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:21

CleanShirt · 27/09/2024 12:17

Stbxh would get up for the gym at 4am... Spoiler alert, he was not at the gym.

Oh god. I'm so sorry to hear that!

He could never use the gym card with me, because he calls people who go to the gym "gym freaks" , I go to the gym. He doesn't say that to me but he laughs at his mates who go.

OP posts:
User19876536484 · 27/09/2024 12:21

I had a colleague who went round to his mum’s on his way to work every day for breakfast.

pinkleopardess · 27/09/2024 12:23

I would be very suspicious and would be slipping an AirTag into the car and seeing where he goes…

Original poster
wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:25

harrumphh · 27/09/2024 12:15

Seems weird to me, I can't see a mum having time to have a shag before the school run, and I can't see a non-mum getting up that early unless forced to - I certainly would not want to shag anyone that much, and I'd feel a bit used/suspicious by one hour a day at 7am!

I'm going with he's doing something he knows you won't like, but not that.

Edited

I agree with you. It's very strange timing. Maybe not an affair but something I wouldn't be pleased with?

Which is sad because i would like to think he can talk to me about anything, I have always said to him never lie to me, the truth would hurt me less than a lie.

OP posts:
WmFnKdSg1234 · 27/09/2024 12:25

You know your DP. Any change in behaviour that marks you as being out of the ordinary is suspicious

I would investigate in a way that he won't pick up that's what you're doing. No need to rush or make it obvious. Slowly, slowly...🤞🏾🤞🏾

Nicebloomers · 27/09/2024 12:26

Take him a bacon roll for breakfast to work at about 8.45am…

Any mentionitis of a woman/ new grooming regime/ change in music taste/ weekend away plans/ taking your kid somewhere and insisting you don’t come/ other suspicious behaviour.

WmFnKdSg1234 · 27/09/2024 12:26

I hope that it is something nice or innocence

User19876536484 · 27/09/2024 12:29

pinkleopardess · 27/09/2024 12:23

I would be very suspicious and would be slipping an AirTag into the car and seeing where he goes…

Pretty sure it will warn him of its presence.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 27/09/2024 12:31

My guess is that he is taking a child to nursery or school.

Americano75 · 27/09/2024 12:33

Other woman who works night shift?

CurlewKate · 27/09/2024 12:34

Does he miss his parents? Could he be going to have breakfast with them?

What happens if you say "Why are you leaving so early?"

Beastiesandthebeauty · 27/09/2024 12:36

Possible someone's popped up fron years with a child and he's doing school drop off ? 🤣 what clothes does he come home in ? Is it possible because you and his parents don't get along he is goibg there to bond ? I would be highly suspicious but that time is very strange so not sure what to be suspicious of.

Beastiesandthebeauty · 27/09/2024 12:37

Or he's lost his job and got another one 🤔

pinkyredrose · 27/09/2024 12:37

alwaysstressed · 27/09/2024 12:14

Id follow him sneakily one morning and see if he does go to his dads

I'd do this.

Original poster
wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:38

CurlewKate · 27/09/2024 12:34

Does he miss his parents? Could he be going to have breakfast with them?

What happens if you say "Why are you leaving so early?"

Maybe he could miss them but he does take our baby up multiple times a week.

He doesn't have breakfast there he told me this himself, he barely eats during the day at all

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 27/09/2024 12:38

I'd be tempted to put a tracker on his car.

Hayley1256 · 27/09/2024 12:39

It does sound like this may be a job change, could his dad's business have gone bust? I think other than following him or driving past his parents house to see if he is there - I'm not sure how you will find out whats happenening unless he tells you

Original poster
wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:39

For everyone saying put a tracker on his car.

Could I possibly put his live snap maps on via Snapchat? - without him knowing obviously

Or is that a step too far.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 27/09/2024 12:39

Is there a landlines at his work? Ring it. Ask for him. See if he's there. Say you've lost your keys. Or something random.