To feel slightly suspicious of dp

[wwyt]

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

To be fair the poor woman’s thread title was that she is a little bit suspicious. Roll forward 24 hours and strangers are dismantling her marriage. That’s quite a fast forward. People take time to absorb.

How long has this been going in now - all week?
Either ask him outright or follow him tomorrow. That's it. The end.

Why are you being so mean? If you don't believe it you don't have to read. But to purposefully be nasty, well, that says a lot about you as a person.

YouMustBeMrsWhippy ·Yesterday 22:01
"have you considered that perhaps he is secretly volunteering for an organization such as the lifeboat crew or mountain rescue service? Perhaps by way of righting some wrong from a past life for which he is ashamed? I often find the harshest assumptions lead to the most bittersweet of reconciliations. x"

And wtf was this about?

you are filling the thread shortly, no progress yet ....

KaleQueen was troll hunting you earlier in the thread too, I would ignore her snide comments too.

Oh here we go again….it wasn’t ’troll hunting’ …I didn’t even know what ‘troll hunting’ was and actually now I do I think, semantically, you’re using it incorrectly in this context but that’s maybe another thread…

I said it didn’t add up. It seemed suss. It now does. It seems legit. Is that okay with you?

ps edited to add I am
sure the delete police will be along shortly to cancel me. I’m genuinely both interested and baffled on behalf of the OP - and no longer think it’s a wind up.

I hope the outcome is a pleasant surprise. It must be agonising wondering what's going on. Take care of yourself x

I think this thread and time of life is tough for op. It’s not a very nice realisation that the consensus is your Dp is cheating.

A bit of restraint in delivering messages to her is helpful.

Start another thread op to tell us how you get on - and good luck.

Could it be something leftfield - e.g. mother is terminally ill but she's forbidden him from telling you because of your rift?

Some friends received a phone call one day to say that their daughter-in-law had cancer and was in a hospice. She died the next day. She'd forbidden her husband from telling his family.

Is he going to the gym, walking a dog, a paper round or something?

I actually don't think the H is having an affair. It would be ridiculous to be having an affair in the very street he grew up in and where his family still live. Especially at 7am! And especially if the woman is a neighbour in her 50s! The whole street would be curtain-twitching and they would be the laughing stock. Plus, what woman in her 50s, wants some 20-something at her door at 7am? As if.

If he was having an affair, he'd be sneaking out at other times and he'd be on his phone more, etc.

I think it's more likely to be something to do with his mother. Perhaps she's had some sort of mental breakdown, or illness and he needs to support her in the mornings? Perhaps the older woman seen in the car with him was a friend of his mother's, a nurse or social worker and he was giving her a lift? This sounds far more feasible, imo.

Perhaps he has hired a personal trainer and does the session at his parent's house for some weird reason? Could be anything? I don't know why people always assume an affair.

Actually, I think this makes the most sense. The affair theories make NO sense, based on the fact he parks at his parents and goes every morning.

So why would he lie? He wouldn't need to start acting like the secret service would he? Surely he would just tell the OP his mums ill.
Doesn't mean he's inside his mums house shagging someone with the curtains wide open for all neighbours to see just because he's parked outside.

Maybe it's something his family don't want OP to know and he's playing along with it? She says herself that they openly dislike her. We don't know the details or the dynamics, but it sounds far from ideal.

This is sort of where I am at too.

Of course it is possible that he has found a fifty something woman who is exhilarated by the prospect of a much younger committed man ( father) taking him to his mummy and daddy’s house for a daily rushed shag before he toddles off to work with daddy. I’ve already had a poster less in to say much of this is in fact a most appealing proposition. But I kind of doubt it. I think the rift with the family lies at the heart of something less steamy.

Have you suggested going out tomorrow morning for a walk OP?

So you did think it was a wind up initially though and you saying that is classed as troll hunting on here whether you think it should be or not isn't the decider, MN staff only delete posts they feel break the rules

If you can afford it, as a pp suggested get a private investigator. They'll probably place a device in the car , plus position someone outside parent's home. It wouldn't take more than a week to get the information on what's going on.

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

(I think the fact that he has started wearing an expensive watch to a work when he previously did not is highly suspicious. Most people would leave expensive items at home to avoid loss or breakage)

Try to carry on and act normal.

@wwyt Get the information to make an informed decision.

Take care of yourself and your son. Hugs.

But why put his £400 watch on to care for his mother who has a secret disease he’s not able to tell his partner about? 🤔

Yeah something like that. Have a nice weekend when it comes ❤️

I completely agree that the idea of an affair seems crazy under the circumstances described. But, if it were something like you suggested, why not just tell his wife and he honest? Makes no sense.

Whilst I don’t have a clue what’s going on with him, I really don’t think it’s mountain rescue …