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Original poster

To feel slightly suspicious of dp

969 replies

wwyt · 27/09/2024 11:36

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

OP posts:
greenwoodentablelegs · 03/10/2024 12:33

Sorry for the detail but I am 50 and quite fit and could def pull a much younger man if I wanted to. Not sure the age of the woman should mean it’s all above board….

Errors · 03/10/2024 12:43

greenwoodentablelegs · 03/10/2024 12:33

Sorry for the detail but I am 50 and quite fit and could def pull a much younger man if I wanted to. Not sure the age of the woman should mean it’s all above board….

I love this 👌

Calliopespa · 03/10/2024 12:49

greenwoodentablelegs · 03/10/2024 12:33

Sorry for the detail but I am 50 and quite fit and could def pull a much younger man if I wanted to. Not sure the age of the woman should mean it’s all above board….

I guess the “ if I wanted to” wording is key here though.

While it obviously isn’t unheard of, the chances of it being that do lessen simply because I don’t think the pool of 50 year old women wanting to pull a much younger man who is married and can only see her for a perfunctory shag before work is all that large. Surely by that age women - if they can even be bothered with a married man fullstop - want to be properly wined and dined at a minimum.

If that’s what is going on , I think it’s more likely she’s a sex worker.

greenwoodentablelegs · 03/10/2024 13:04

@Calliopespa

when you say it like that it makes it more likely !

whats not to like, if you are a single fit 50 year old ? A decent shag, no ED issues or middle aged man blathering on to you afterwards, just delivers the goods then pisses off. Perfect.

am happily married or would def take that if it was on offer.

Alwaysinamood · 03/10/2024 13:05

MummyDummyNow · 03/10/2024 10:54

Can your friend come over early one morning, stay with your child and you follow him?

Definitely 💯

BigSmallFigBall · 03/10/2024 13:10

This is quite a mystery! I am very invested now.

Calliopespa · 03/10/2024 13:15

greenwoodentablelegs · 03/10/2024 13:04

@Calliopespa

when you say it like that it makes it more likely !

whats not to like, if you are a single fit 50 year old ? A decent shag, no ED issues or middle aged man blathering on to you afterwards, just delivers the goods then pisses off. Perfect.

am happily married or would def take that if it was on offer.

😬

Spondoolies · 03/10/2024 13:24

I doubt she’s 50s if your sis said she looks elderly, most people don’t look elderly until well into their 70s. Does your sis know what your MIL looks like?

I would definitely be continuing to snoop to get to the bottom of it.

OriginalUsername2 · 03/10/2024 13:30

I think you’re saying too much already. Play dumb.

Omgblueskys · 03/10/2024 13:31

BigSmallFigBall · 03/10/2024 13:10

This is quite a mystery! I am very invested now.

Op could you possibly say tonight while cooking dinner or playing with baby, no eye contact tho, hay am going to get a jog in tomorrow leave at 7 be back for 8am for you to go to fil to collect him for work, your using valuable 'me' time while babies asleep 😉, as you dont get a minute otherwise, remember no eye contact, no asking can you , just saying that's what your doing and need him home till you return, see his reaction, go and sit in macdonalds with a coffee if needs be, good luck op, play him at his own game,

Aintthatso · 03/10/2024 13:38

If it is an affair and he’s getting up to sneak in an early morning shag, why is he driving this ‘elderly’ woman around?

Aintthatso · 03/10/2024 13:38

It’s got to be his mother surely.

PrettyPickle · 03/10/2024 13:38

If it was me, I would want to prove to myself he is lying before I challenge him. I think we all agree his behaviour is weird.

I would get someone to trail him on a couple of different days and hang around to see him go into his parents house, where he goes when he comes out etc.

If things are not as he says, I would not mention the outcome to him.

I would later sit him down and tell him he is behaving strangely and ask him to explain why he is now leaving so early yet not taking his Dad to work until 10am? Ask him what he does when he gets to him parents and when he tells you, ask if that was the same on X date (the date he was followed and you know what he did - see if he lies about it.

If you tell him first what was observed, he will come up with some excuse.

purin · 03/10/2024 13:40

Does his mother have a bob haircut?

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 03/10/2024 13:45

Don’t say anything yet OP, if you can. Keep digging. Your friend needs to follow him again.

strawberryblue · 03/10/2024 13:52

I think you should follow him
Again (get a friend too) but maybe the whole day something is a miss!

OR plant a recording tracking device in his car .. air tag?

You deserve to know what's going on- I hope it is something innocent but the not knowing I'm sure is driving you nuts!

Original poster
wwyt · 03/10/2024 13:55

@Omgblueskys I really like that idea! I enjoy my walking so I'm going to say I'm going a walk.

I'll say to him later to see his reaction. Because there is a sense of urgency to him to get out of the house for 7 when he doesn't need to leave until 8:30 earliest

I'll say I'm going a walk at 7 and I'll be back for 7:45 this will give him plenty of time to "pick up his dad and get to work"

I'll be interested to see his reaction.

OP posts:
Original poster
wwyt · 03/10/2024 13:56

My friend wants to try follow him again. So we will plan this but I'm going to wait to see what he says about me going a walk in the morning and him having to leave a little later

OP posts:
Devonjaguar · 03/10/2024 13:56

If he's gaslighted you so far there's no point confronting him as he'll only continue to deny it. It's probably best to try get some more evidence.
He's clearly lying from his reaction to being seen with another woman in the car affair or not. So lying about something.

I wonder if you go away for a night or weekend with your baby and friend and get your SIL or someone you trust to pop by your house to see if he's got someone over? I don't know if that's too far but something needs to be done to find some solid evidence.

Original poster
wwyt · 03/10/2024 13:57

‼️‼️‼️ the woman in the car was NOT dps mum my sister knows what she looks like and my sister never recognised her before

OP posts:
Original poster
wwyt · 03/10/2024 13:59

Devonjaguar · 03/10/2024 13:56

If he's gaslighted you so far there's no point confronting him as he'll only continue to deny it. It's probably best to try get some more evidence.
He's clearly lying from his reaction to being seen with another woman in the car affair or not. So lying about something.

I wonder if you go away for a night or weekend with your baby and friend and get your SIL or someone you trust to pop by your house to see if he's got someone over? I don't know if that's too far but something needs to be done to find some solid evidence.

Definitely I just want to gather evidence first but he won't admit anything. He laughs and calls me crazy.

That's a great idea! But I'm very friendly with the neighbours so I don't think he would have the balls to bring someone over and neighbours potentially see. Hm I'm not sure

OP posts:
Devonjaguar · 03/10/2024 14:02

Or many go for a weekend away ,and have your friend still follow him and even if he doesn't bring someone to your house his guard will be down as he'll think you're away. You could even stay at your friend's house.

taylorswift1989 · 03/10/2024 14:04

This is so stupid.

When it gets to the point of stalking him and trying to be an amateur detective, it's over. The trust has gone.

Of course he's seeing someone else. It's obvious that's the case.

Even if it isn't obvious to you, why would you want to stay with someone who won't even have a clear, honest conversation with you?

You're just wasting your time with all these suggestions. If you stay with him, he's always going to be sneaking around and lying, whether you can prove it or not.

Omgblueskys · 03/10/2024 14:06

wwyt · 03/10/2024 13:55

@Omgblueskys I really like that idea! I enjoy my walking so I'm going to say I'm going a walk.

I'll say to him later to see his reaction. Because there is a sense of urgency to him to get out of the house for 7 when he doesn't need to leave until 8:30 earliest

I'll say I'm going a walk at 7 and I'll be back for 7:45 this will give him plenty of time to "pick up his dad and get to work"

I'll be interested to see his reaction.

Great yes walking your time😉 try to be really passive tho, no asking permission your just doing it, get your gym stuff ready to be out of the house , I personally don't think you'll get the walk in after his reaction, but that will open up this conversation he is not having with you, 🙏 good luck tonight be calm very nice, and no eye contact, you got this 👍 he's not expecting this, remember play the , my time while babies asleep 😉

Original poster
wwyt · 03/10/2024 14:12

taylorswift1989 · 03/10/2024 14:04

This is so stupid.

When it gets to the point of stalking him and trying to be an amateur detective, it's over. The trust has gone.

Of course he's seeing someone else. It's obvious that's the case.

Even if it isn't obvious to you, why would you want to stay with someone who won't even have a clear, honest conversation with you?

You're just wasting your time with all these suggestions. If you stay with him, he's always going to be sneaking around and lying, whether you can prove it or not.

I can't confidently walk away without real clear evidence.

He won't give it to me so I have to find the evidence myself in quiet to avoid him covering anything up.

Never in our relationship was there a trust issue this has been the first.

If it's an affair I'll walk away and not look back , trust me I just can't without proof

OP posts: