To feel slightly suspicious of dp

[wwyt]

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

Follow him again or turn up in person to his work when he is supposed to be there/has told you he is there but you know he is not.

You might never get the answers. It's now up to you to decide whether you're willing to put up with this nonsense...or not. Personally, I'd be ensuring I have an escape plan in place, an escape fund in place, get finances in order and look to eventually leave - he has made you feel inferior in what should be an equal partnership.
Once you've got the escape plan and finances in place, I'd explain to him that you're leaving him/he needs to leave by XX date.

I think ask afriend to leave her car on the parents street. park her car with dashcam left running. Doesn't sound like you will get any answers from him.
Can you get access go his phone?

Would you consider getting baby ready go get a take out lunch and pop into his work place for surprise lunch by the way include fil, see what vibe you get from this,

Can your friend come over early one morning, stay with your child and you follow him?

I think, as he is gaslighting you already by trying to make you think you are crazy you need more evidence. I think your friend or someone needs to park on parents road and film where he goes. I think if you ask him he will just deny it and make out its in your head.

Just sit him down and say, "I've had enough of your weird behaviour, leaving early without explanation, getting angry when asked what's going on. You clearly don't have time for me or our marriage, you're not prioritising our family, and I deserve better. Let's end this now. You can move in to your parents' house while we sort out what's going to happen next."

Simple solution, OP. He's behaving like a twat and you clearly can't trust him, so just end it.

@wwyt think the time has come for you to buy a dog tracker to put in his car? too many changes going on and it is obviously not ringing true for you, x. you can buy better trackers but they seem to all need subscriptions now. you can research them if you need to though.

I would use an airtag though I think you know where he is going. Maybe instead of following him as you know he is going to your dads street, get your friend/sister to park there and wait early in the am and see where he goes? It’s very suss!

I have the family location sharing in my iphone btw as me and my partner regularly loose our phones, he is crap at answering his (hits volume off in work and forgets to put it back on) and safety. There can be a lag at times when it doesn’t updated that you’ve moved for a few minutes.

I would use an airtag though I think you know where he is going

We established at the start of the thread that AirTags warn people of their presence.

You can demand the truth but it doesn't mean he will give it.

And judging by his response when you questioned him last time (defensive, raising his voice, gaslighting and triangulating you with your sister) it doesn't sound like he will fess up.

I would avoid asking again personally, and find a way to catch him red handed.

Right, let's think of ways we can catch him out:
• Does he have an iPhone? Can you log in to his find my iPhone/ Apple ID?
• Do you have access to his phone or computer? If not, could you whilst he's asleep?
• Car tracker, (btw who's car is he using, whilst his is parked outside his mums?)
• Friend waits early as possible on your street and follows
• Private investigator
• Go on his WhatsApp whilst he's asleep, scan his QR code and link it to yours, if this is what he uses or log in to his Apple ID on your phone to receive his messages. I'm sure in settings you can add a phone number, add his and then delete the notification off his phone whilst he's asleep?

I will think of some more suggestions and be back.

This is a very worrying list. I didn’t even know you could do that with WhatsApp and now I am wondering if anyone has ever done it to me?? How would I know?

Regardless, if it’s come to this then the bottom line is the OP doesn’t trust her DP. None of this L
OP if I were you I would explain to him how you feel, that you don’t trust him and you have suspicions that he is cheating. If he does anything other than listening to you voice your concerns and want to reassure you, then it’s over. Please don’t drive yourself mad with trying to track him - whether you like it or not, it’s not fair to do that to another human being.

You go on to what's app, settings, linked devices and if it's linked to another device it will show you on there.
It's a worrying list for sure, but when you have been in the situation of needing solid proof before leaving with a baby, because all you have is a inkling something isn't right, then sometimes it's your only lifeline to go digging to this extent.

I obv DRTWT, I scanned it so may have missed this obvious suggestion if you haven't done it already.

Follow him.
Get someone to look after kids if necessary.
Buy a wig and put on your sunnies
Borrow a car so he doesn't recognise it.

Have you done any of this yet? If so what happened?

If not, why not?

But she has been asking him why he's leaving early, along with other questions, including why he was in a car with another woman, to no avail. He's clearly a sneaky liar who is not going to give up the information on where he's going.

Keep your chin up .The bigger picture is that its good to know the truth whatever it is,however it hurts its best to know so that you can get on with life .You can always chat here and please let us know how it goes...main thing Stay Safe and make sure someone close to you ,a friend or relative has an idea of what you are going through xx

@wwyt does he bring the clothes he left in (and his watch) home every night? I’m assuming he does? If so, give them a sniff, see if they smell weird like another persons house or perfume.

Move his car keys to a different place every night. Gaslight him.

And you need to be careful op because no one likes a snoop. I’m not AT ALL saying you are wrong to try to get to the bottom of it, but half hearted and ineffectual forays are going to provide fodder to create a narrative that “ oh op is always neurotic and snooping about” that will make it harder for you to occupy the moral high ground and cut through the crap when you do start to get to the bottom of it. Remember liars and gaslighters start to convince even themselves it is you who is in the wrong somehow.

The baby sleeping is an excuse you are hiding behind to delay the truth. As another poster said, have baby looked after, go with another friend and see with your own eyes what is going on. Follow him yourself ( with support). He’s not going to tell you, if people like your Dsis find out anything he denies it and I think tracking his car won’t tell you anything if, as it seems, whatever he is doing involves parking at his parents place. You need to watch and see who goes in/ comes out etc.

Why is it on threads like this that the default phone brand is always assumed to be Apple?

Ask him of course. Demand answers. Stop all this skulking about trying to catch him. He will be covering his tracks now. Just tell him you know he's lying and unless he tells you what's going on you're leaving. Or he is.

If I was the mate I’d be hell bent on watching where he goes again. I’d need bloody answers and this guy isn’t going to give them - he’s already been questioned, he’s going to get tighter.