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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel slightly suspicious of dp

969 replies

wwyt · 27/09/2024 11:36

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

OP posts:
wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:40

❗️ not a job change , his dads business is very much still going , dp comes home with his work clothes on and very dirty from his job !

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 27/09/2024 12:40

wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:39

For everyone saying put a tracker on his car.

Could I possibly put his live snap maps on via Snapchat? - without him knowing obviously

Or is that a step too far.

Have you looked at his Google maps?

BenditlikeBridget · 27/09/2024 12:40

This does sound suspicious to me, sorry OP.

Can you follow him?

If not i’d be tempted to get a cheap PAYG phone, share location with your own phone and then accidentally leave your phone in his car one day…

redtrain123 · 27/09/2024 12:42

yes, any radical change in behaviour suspicious.

Why change twice, once in normal clothes and once in work, especially if it’s a new habit?

wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:43

Baby doesn't wake until like 10 so I cant really follow him.

I 100% believe he's going to work but I think there's something suspicious going on before work.

OP posts:
Nicebloomers · 27/09/2024 12:44

in my experience trust your instincts.

Bristolnewcomer · 27/09/2024 12:45

Sounds like he’s definitely lying and also he’s not being very bright about it so should be easy for you to find out what is going on. He could have just said his dad wants him in earlier for example. Do you think he’s been going to the gym eg is he looking fitter? Normal clothes tho suggest meeting someone doesn’t it. I’m sure people having affairs do meet at all hours of the day. 8-9ish she could still be in bed and he could just turn up. Sorry to be grim but it seems hard to imagine what else it could be.

wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:46

Hm I don't know it's just unusual for him. He would always try sleep in for as long as possible but now he has an alarm set and is straight up and out. Realistically he doesn't need to be out the door until 8:30 , he's never really there for 9 it's always after or near 10

OP posts:
hazelnutlatte · 27/09/2024 12:46

It'd a very weird time of day to be having an affair.
My guess is he is doing something for or with his dad / parents that he doesn't want you to know about because you don't get on with them.
So perhaps helping out his dad with another part of the business, eg giving other people lifts to work sites etc. Maybe doing this for free to help his dad's business but you would not approve of that? Obv this is a complete guess but the only thing I can think of that makes sense!
Alternative is that he is actually going to the gym but is embarrassed to say so!

mushpush · 27/09/2024 12:47

Your baby is asleep until 10am?! That's the most suspicious thing on the thread 😂

I joke - if you can't follow him, track him or speak to his parents, you're really limited with options. PI?

CurlewKate · 27/09/2024 12:47

Have you asked him why he goes so early?

GabriellaMontez · 27/09/2024 12:48

Has your sex life really dropped off (shouldn't be affected by a baby that sleeps until 10!)

wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:48

mushpush · 27/09/2024 12:47

Your baby is asleep until 10am?! That's the most suspicious thing on the thread 😂

I joke - if you can't follow him, track him or speak to his parents, you're really limited with options. PI?

🤣🤣🤣 we definitely got very lucky to have a baby who sleeps through the night and has since he was a newborn :)

OP posts:
Dogandphone · 27/09/2024 12:52

For just a one off I would put baby in the car and follow him? What do you do if you have another appointment before the baby wakes up?!

Swanbeauty · 27/09/2024 12:52

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request.

wwyt · 27/09/2024 12:53

GabriellaMontez · 27/09/2024 12:48

Has your sex life really dropped off (shouldn't be affected by a baby that sleeps until 10!)

Yes!!! My sex drive isn't as high as it used to be.

The other night he brought it up to me and said we don't have much sex anymore but also added "it doesn't mean I'll find someone else to do it with I just wish we done it more often" and I said "I'm always tired" which I am. I'm anemic and have folic acid deficiency 🤣. And his reply was "i don't know how you're tired when we have sex you just lay there" meaning he's always on top. We average to have sex 1-3 times a week. Which is okay but it used to be 5/6 times a week before baby obviously.

I'm very stubborn and ever since he said that the other night I made sure he had no complaints about our sex. I've been on top every time since.

OP posts:
TheJones · 27/09/2024 12:54

Follow him 🕵️‍♀️

GabriellaMontez · 27/09/2024 12:55

Ok... doesn't sound like he'd have the energy elsewhere !!

PinkFizz1 · 27/09/2024 12:55

Sorry but people saying that’s a ‘very odd time of day to be having an affair’ ??? If people want to have an affair they’ll make time ANY time of the day. There is so such thing as an ‘odd time of day’ if you’re having an affair.

pinkleopardess · 27/09/2024 12:55

User19876536484 · 27/09/2024 12:29

Pretty sure it will warn him of its presence.

Edited

I think you’re right actually. Scratch that idea then.

Regarding people saying him having an affair before work isn’t likely, there was a thread here a while ago from the ‘OW’ and the husband used to visit her before work. I hope this isn’t the case for OP and her baby. Somehow you need to find out without him knowing in case it’s innocent.

Dogandphone · 27/09/2024 12:56

This won’t score me any points but when I was much younger and immature I was seeing a married man and often used to see him before work!

BobbyBiscuits · 27/09/2024 12:57

It seems a bit weird, but as others say it's too early for an affair. Especially if he's not even showering before going out. I guess there's a slim chance he could be seeing a sex worker? They probably do take clients early before work. I just can't see an affair partner choosing to do stuff with someone that early in the morning?
Is he funny with his phone?
The other thing is he could've been fired and changed jobs but you claim he definitely still works for his dad. To be honest the only way you'll know for sure is to follow him and see if he really is going to his parents house for that length of time before work.

Scentsless · 27/09/2024 12:57

Another vote for waking your baby up early one day and driving past his parents house to see if he is actually there. Baby will survive being woken early for once.

NovemberMorn · 27/09/2024 12:58

Nicebloomers · 27/09/2024 12:44

in my experience trust your instincts.

This, /\ also use your eyes and your nose, if he is being vague, you be more vigilant.

Gymnopedie · 27/09/2024 12:58

The other night he brought it up to me and said we don't have much sex anymore but also added "it doesn't mean I'll find someone else to do it with I just wish we done it more often"

Ah. Why even bother to bring up the idea that he wouldn't find anyone else? A case of 'Methinks he doth protest too much'.

I said "I'm always tired" which I am. I'm anemic and have folic acid deficiency 🤣. And his reply was "i don't know how you're tired when we have sex you just lay there" meaning he's always on top. We average to have sex 1-3 times a week. Which is okay but it used to be 5/6 times a week before baby obviously.

Yup. He's preparing the scene to tell you it's your fault he's having an affair.

Added to the early starts I think he's practically telling you what's happening.