To feel slightly suspicious of dp

[wwyt]

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

This. My head would be spinning. I don’t get why you haven’t literally said to him I know your up to something now come clear or you will be parking on that street more permanently. Don’t allow this behaviour and don’t allow him to gaslight you!

🤣🤣🤣

I can't get past a woman in her 50's being described as
" elderly"

I remember being in my 20s. The bob-haired woman was probably 38.

Yes, that comment was bound to cause a reaction wasn't it.

😂😂😂😂

Funniest comment ever

The fuck you on about 😂

Could we just stop with this. It's a clumsy choice of words but op is just repeating what her sister said. It's offering absolutely nothing to the thread to keep bringing it up.

Op at this stage you need to confront your dh. Pack a bag if you have to. Or pack him one. And tell him you know he's lying about something and if he doesn't come clean right now you'll be forced to assume the worst and one of you will have to go. I couldn't live like this it would drive me insane.

Beyond weird. The Uber/Taxi thing might be a reasonable suggestion for the early mornings but it's a stretch. I just can't imagine living with someone who's routine has changed to this extent and you don't ask or you're not given an explanation?!

And why would he 'go batshit' or kick off at you verbally when you question something if the change in routine is something entirely innocent? His reaction is immediate defensive which would indicate he's hiding something.

For me, it's the reaction and ongoing attitude that would turn me off and question whether I'd want to stay with this guy. Weird.

It’s not sounding great.

Apart from reeling from your sister seeing someone my age as elderly (gulp) I have a very strong feeling that you need to stop confronting him, seem like you trust him, buy yourself some time and keep up the sleuthing. I fear he is trying to gaslight you. Play your cards close to your chest.

If he isn't heading off to work until 10ish with his Dad, why is he leaving so early - he needs to appreciate this is suspicious and isn't it strange he keeps changing his plans when you are actively suspicious, its almost like he has inside knowledge. Is it normal for him to pop home with lunch?

Surely the woman was his mum. She would probably be 50-60 plus you know he goes to his parents every morning.

The weird thing is why he was in the car at that time when he should have been in work and as you say, why didn’t he just say he was with his mum when you confronted him.

You know you don’t need ‘proof’. He’s lying and he’s gaslighting you. Is that a way to live. Can you ever trust him again? Just get your things in order and get ready to leave with your baby. If he genuinely has a good reason, though seriously what can it be, then you can change your mind. But it’s the lying. I could not get past that.

Howling 😂😂😂

Some people will cheat any time of day.

Getting up and cheating at 7am isn’t even early. Most of us are already up, showered and dressed by that point so a quick bunk up before work isn’t that out of the question.

The number of times you have sex with him is irrelevant. Some people have a higher sex drive when cheating.

I think I’d be turning up with the baby at his parents house when he is supposed to be there. Wake them up and pop them in their car seat or pram. His parents are hardly going to turn away their grandchild even if you have fallen out.

100% suspicious!!! If he knows you aren't on talking terms with his parents it's the perfect excuse to use knowing your not likely to contact them. I would definitely be contacting the parents or following him in the morning.

Yep - no matter what is going on, he's lying and misleading you.

It doesn't sit well that when challenged he gets angry and goes straight to claiming your sister is lying to break up your relationship. It's either extremely childish or reflects some insecurities he is feeling about what he is doing. Massive red flag. I'm sorry you're in this situation it can't be easy. Take care.

It sounds to me like he’s having a fling with an older woman and got on the defence when your sister saw him ! Typical gaslighting. Really hope you get to the bottom of it!

What do you all think I should do now?

Plan another morning to try catch him out or sit him down later and say I KNOW something is up and demand truth??

I'm getting fed up now and just want to know what's going on.

Something isn't right. I don't even know what time he left this morning I didn't wake to his alarm I woke at 7:45 and he was gone I've texted him good morning but no reply yet.

Simple??? Please tell me the simple solution

May sound a little outrageous but maybe his dad could be having affairs and getting partner to cover for him? It does all sound pretty odd though

I wouldn’t say anything else to him, don’t comment on it at all. But I would do some digging definitely. Can you secretly put find my iPhone on his phone and link it to yours? Providing you both have iPhones. And then hide the app. That way you will be able to see his whereabouts, without him knowing as he doesn’t get notified. I would be looking on his devices, you can see deleted text messages upto 30 days after deletion. I would be gathering as much evidence as I could. I’m so sorry this is al happening, it must be so worrying and you must feel so frustrated with it all.