To feel slightly suspicious of dp

[wwyt]

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

So I guess if we remove ageism then the likeliest answer is he’s having a fling with a woman in her 50s, and is giving her a lift.

Sadly, to 20-somethings, it is. 🤣😂🤣

Maybe he’s moonlighting as a taxi driver. 🌒

50 is not elderly even if you are only late 20s, so for this alone YABU.

That said, his behaviour is definitely weird.

Hope you get to the bottom of what's going on.

Op taxi driving , lifts etc would tie in with the alarms and needing to be out at a specific time etc... (just saying and hoping for you!) has he had more cash then usual?

Any debts he could be hiding from you?

What on earth is this about? 🫤

🤣🤣🤣

Maybe he's fallen out with his dad but still chatting to mum hence still parking there and maybe knows you might be suspicious?

Doing a different job on the side ??

I don't know OP it's all so messy I hope you figure it out would your friend be up for following him again?

Dying to know what the truth is. OP I wouldn’t confront him with any more proof you’re spying on him until you’ve done a bit more digging. He will start covering it up more.

just keep your friend on watching him and see which house he goes in when he gets out the car

Is he a fan of Wayne Rooney?

Look at the facts OP.

He's behaving suspiciously. He's lying about his whereabouts. He's been spotted with a woman in his car. Regardless of her age it all points to something very very dodgy.

I'm sorry but I wouldn't be letting this go at all.

His turning up for lunch unannounced and then going to work later on the Monday absolutely reeks of someone who has been caught out.

I’d absolutely be having your friend/someone with a car he doesn’t know sit on his mums road at 7am to see where he goes.. I know it’s been attempted and managed to go wrong but short of him telling you the truth I’m not sure how else you can see where he’s going?!

Let's be clear about this: if OP's DP was doing something that is perfectly innocent (albeit a change from his previous routine) he would just TELL HER. What reasonable man wouldn't if he has nothing to hide?
Sorry OP, but it's time for YOU to go "batshit crazy". Ultimatum time - he either tells you what his early starts are about, or he goes back to live with his parents. No more gas-lighting.

You shouldn't have told him you were on to him OP. And definitely shouldn't have told him your sister saw him. He's going to be more careful now. Can you not backtrack on yourself and play dumb. "Yes you're right DH, my sister is obviously seeing things. Ofc you wouldn't be out of work, swanning around with another woman". And then hire a private investigator or get your friend to be waiting outside from as early as possible trying to follow? If he was driving with a woman, but his car is parked outside of his mums, then whose car is he driving?

Yes -maybe as an Uber driver or doing driving lessons?

Would she recognise his mum?

Personally I'd confront him now.
I'd say I know he's hiding something from his change in behaviour and that car was parked until 10am ( I wouldn't say how I knew this - it's true so he doesn't need to defend it). I'd add that he doesn't have to explain anything if he didn't want to but that I don't trust him and would be seeing the relationship as unreliable going forward.
As you don't know the facts you need to stay cool. But clearly he's lying to you. It's good to treat him with the same diffidence. Then he can't twist it to being your fault for having an emotional response.

It could be money and Uber driving or a mum of a secret family or anything. It's more he's hiding it.

Could Dh be involved with a Gilf for some legit reason? doing some type of charity work driving to hospital, doctors etc? Or could Fil be mistaken for a lady or possibly transitioning?

I genuinely hope that the outcome of this situation turns out to be innocent.

His Dad may have informed him about your phone call, leading him to cover his tracks by unexpectedly returning home for lunch.
You could discreetly install a mobile phone tracking application on his and your phones without his knowledge. Have you examined his phone for any potential clues?
I understand that some individuals may advise against this course of action, but given your suspicions, it could potentially reveal information that he is unwilling to disclose.
:/ snap maps or find my phone apps

I don't imagine the OP has considered that because she doesn't appear to be smoking crack. Or maybe her DP's dad is trans and wears a bob when he goes out as Sue, that would make about as much sense.

Yeh it's almost like weighing in on a stranger's precarious love life situation with limited information leads to outlandish melodrama isn't it

When I was younger he used to pick me up at 7am with a hot chocolate and drop me off at work. Never saw him later in the day.

@secradonugh There are no rules about a passenger being in the front of a private hire vehicle. A 5 seat car is licensed for the driver plus up to 4 passengers, where is the 4th one going if not in the front?!

This is what I think. If you have fallen out with them then he may just feel he wants to spend time with them because presumably he can’t at weekends if you’re not on speaking terms.

Some people are just really close to their parents.

Turn up at his work and ring him when you're outside and tell him to come out. If he doesn't you know he's not there!