To feel slightly suspicious of dp

[wwyt]

Hi, I'm looking to know would YOU be suspicious? I'm not really suspicious but maybe a bit slightly?

So, dp works for his dads business and has for the last 10 years. Dp doesn't start work until 9. Usually he would set an alarm for 8:30 which sounds really late but his workplace is a 2 minute drive from our home. And he's really easy going 🤣. His dad doesn't drive but a workmate would always collect him.

About a month ago dp started setting alarms at 6.45-7:15 getting up and leaving the house within 10 mins of those alarms. (Extremely early from before) I've been with dp 5 years he's never up that early for work.

He says it's because he's starting to give his dad a lift to work every morning. His mum and dad live a 5 minute drive from our home. That's not too suspicious. But the thing that's making me go 🤨 is he's leaving home in the mornings in his normal clothes. He says he gets ready in his parents house just before he leaves for work as it's easier?

He has a specific work uniform. He would always get ready here before leaving.

So he's started leaving the house over an hour earlier than usual and not getting ready here?

Would you be suspicious?

Intriguing. Could his mum need looking after, perhaps he is helping his dad care for her and he doesn’t want you to know as your relationship with them is non existent.

Does he usually pick up the work phone?

You sounded upset that his dad answered.

Well I couldn't be bothered with all this cloak and dagger stuff.

I don't see how the current situation is sustainable.

I take it OP that if you buy your dp £400 watches you are financially in a decent place?

I think I would be looking seriously at my financial situation if I was separate. Then I would be telling dp just to go back and live with his parents.

You need to get to the bottom of this.

Yes.

Your friend knows more about this than she is telling you.

Thats what I was wondering, could a family member be having some kind of crisis that they don't want anyone to know about.

OP, why does his dad answering the phone mean he's not at work?

Are you suggesting that the friend told him she would be following him so he left early and she followed him later anyway? That doesn't make any sense unless she's also lying about following him and pretending he's at his parents which also makes no sense as she'd say he was at work if she's having a torrid affair with him

Redo the follow plan with your friend - keep your irons hot for now and don't rouse suspicion if possible

I’d put my phone on silent and voice recording and pop it in his car, grab the spare key and see if he rings anyone on his way to Mummy’s.

So, just to be clear OP:

• DP set his alarm for 6.30am (earliest ever) today and your friend found his car outside his parents house at 7.10am.
• Some time between 7.10am and 10.30am you rang DP and he said he's at work (I assume you phoned him on his mobile?)
• Then you immediately phoned the business number and his father answered.

So, they're both (allegedly) at work (at least your FIL is), yet your DP's car is outside his parents' house - what did they do, walk to work? And if so, why?

Have you or your friend done either of the following:

• been back to his parents house to see if his car is still there?
• phoned the business number again and asked to speak to your DP on that line?

I truly hope there is some innocent explanation for all this, but if not, I would like to say that his parents are absolute scumbags if they're covering for him - what a disgusting, amoral thing to do when they have a grand-child from his relationship with you.

Best of luck OP!

Before I got married, I told him I shall always be suspicious, that there will be random checks and he might be occasionally followed (not by me). I warned him in advance. I tell the same my dc - that if they say they will be with XXXX in YYY doing ZZZZ, they might be checked. But I also give dc the option of not telling me where they are going, so if they don't want to be checked on, not tell me what they are up to, so I won't be able to check. This is done by me to make their lying unprofitable. I think it is best not to trust anyone, including your nearest, and then be pleasantly surprised if you are proven wrong in big or small things.

Could you just walk into his workplace on some pretence? Say you are locked out or something and need his key?

Absolutely. @starfishmummy seems incapable of dealing with the facts as presented and is letting her imagination run riot. As if OP doesn't have enough to deal with, without someone on MN trying to implicate a friend she clearly trusts (and presumably has no reason not to!). Sigh. 🙄

Or get your friend to next time not follow him but already be parked on his parents street so she can see what house he walks into after parking up?

The fact that he’s not showering and spraying himself with stuff suggests to me he’s meeting someone, and then having a shower after, sorry OP. Also the fact that he said ‘not that I’d look for someone else’ suggests it’s on his mind if he’s not already doing it. As someone suggested, he’s starting the blame game for you when he’s ’feeling rejected’. I’d follow but in a hire car or someone else’s car? Just so you don’t make him suspicious. I’d also say the fact that he knows you can’t just check with his parents is in his favour too.

My ex mil was sleeping with a married man

It was in the morning before work the cheating would happen, he would come round in the morning for a 'bru'

Wouldn't it be simpler to buy an Airtag (or the Android equivalent if you don't have an iPhone) and blue-tack it to the back of his glove box? If it shows his car has remained parked on his parents' street for hours when he's supposed to be at work, you have some evidence to confront him with. Alternatively, when he's on a visit with DC to his parents, sew the tracker into the lining of one of his items of work wear (if they're heavy/bulky so it can't be easily detected) or his coat, which will provide some clear evidence as to where he is, never mind his car!

Irn-bru? Or a brew? 😂

An Irn Bru? Is that Scottish code for early morning cheating?

I did wonder. Morning Bru is just for hangovers, surely?

I'd be outside work at finishing time to see if comes out of there. Has he always worked Saturdays, or is this a relatively new thing?

@AngelicKaty brew hahahaha i honestly don't know why I spell it like that 😂😂😂

Bru? Is this something sexual?

@DecafGreen yes

Don't worry, it's provided a little light relief on this thread! 😘