What's happened to young people? Can parents give me insight.

[EveningSpread]

I work in Higher Education, and I'm increasingly worried about young people.

So far this year, I've encountered more students than usual who:

• say they are unable to attend classes due to anxiety
• who are afraid of being in classes
• who won't speak when spoken to by staff or other students
• who say they find getting on a bus and getting to class to overwhelming
• who find the thought of doing their work so stressful that they can't cope
• who don't come to classes due to family parties / their hamster dying / waking up late (to name the reasons I've had just this morning) and expect you to fix what they've missed - in other words, who seem totally immature and unprepared for life (a different problem to the other things above, perhaps)

Obviously we express sympathy, reassure, and explain that they need to access the help that will enable them to function - to enjoy life, succeed on their degree, and get a job afterwards. (So the wellbeing services, and their GP.) Often the reassurance really helps. But equally a lot of these students don't cope at University. I'm sure this problem is exacerbated by the fact that I work in an institution that attracts students from postcodes with multiple indices of deprivation.

Part of me hopes that mental health issues are sometimes exaggerated or even an excuse, as an increasingly large percentage of my students seem essentially afraid to leave the house -- which would be much worse than them just trying it on/being a bit lazy! It's great that we have a language to talk about mental health now, but it's hard to know how/when to tell people that (a) they are responsible for improving their own mental health so they can function in the world, and (b) experiencing some mild discomfort and difficulty, such as being nervous around new people, is normal and crucial to development.

But I'm left wondering: how are parents coping with their young people if these are the miserable lives they're living? If they're not going to classes, are scared to leave the house, and can't function?

So AIBU, or is this problem getting worse? What can parents of roughly 16-20 year olds tell me? Are we still dealing with the legacies of COVID? What's the word on the street among young people about mental health these days?

Lots of job interviews are with only 1 or a small number of interviewers, so the "public speaking" aspect isn't relevant.

In fact, with modern recruitment practices, lots of "interviews" consist of pre-recorded question/answer sessions which the applicant can do from the comfort of their own home remotely and with it not being "live", there's often the option to re-record any problematic areas. Even "live" interviews are often now online, which is often a lot less stressful than an "in person" interview.

Fair enough, there are still "group" interviews, but anyone with mutism or social anxiety wouldn't be applying for those kinds of jobs anyway.

I'm actually 75% deaf myself. Plenty of jobs I can't do which I totally accept. Can speak fine though and lip read

But the majority of interviews will ask questions. You would need to be super duper well ahead of every other applicant for a company to change interview techniques just for you when another 50 applicants don't require it

Have you had a look at Sweden's experience?

They didn't do lockdown. They had far more deaths than their Nordic neighbours, and like the countries who did lock down, they've also experienced more mental distress among their young following the pandemic.

Also going to assume you had no vulnerable relatives you cared about during the pandemic?

I agree that there are other industries that don't require public speaking. In fact I agree so much I said it myself, if you read my posts.

To state my point again, for clarity, I don't think it does someone any good if they're allowed to slide by on skills that are required for the industry they are interested in as this does them no favours. They are better off doing something else that suits the skills they actually have.

If speaking in public is required for a particular qualification then I would expect a tutor/lecturer to demand that of their students, just as I would expect a med school tutor to demand that students learn to take a solid patient history. A lot of jobs require people to speak up, and it's normal for uni tutors to encourage experience in that.

Tbh I'm an adult and I get a bit anxious about the world these days I think it's to do with constant access to (bad) new 24hours, dissolution of social ties and social norms, insane levels of immigration meaning we really don't know our neighbours, guilt or anger about history, access to violent media content and no one policing anything like religion used to. If you add social media, intense focus on schooling and exams, lack of positivity about job prospects and future then that seems enough to be on their plates. Maybe they are doing well considering all this!

I have always considered that the basic theme song of Baby Boomers and the Silent Generation.

I know I brought up lockdown but I can't get into this discussion again, it just makes me despair too much, sorry.

I’m a late late Boomer.

Only thing l remember in my lifetime from that song is U2, Punk, Reagan, Afghanistan and AIDS. Everything else was before my memory.

So how can it apply to ‘Boomers?’

You've completely misunderstood the situation. Yes, a LOT of young people LOVED lockdown. Thats part of the problem. Particularly introverts. It was fantastic. What wasn't fantastic was having to re-enter 'going to the office' as it were. And months and months away from the regular exposure caused a massive problem for some.
Regardless of what you think, people with more knowledge than you about social behaviours have highlighted massive problems for the young and adults. Only with young people it happened during crucial developmental stages. It fucked them up.

We are starting now to see articles and research with the opinion that mental health awareness in schools is actually contributing to the rise in mental health issues. It’s called the prevalence inflation hypophysis.

I am not sure Covid can be solely blamed. Obviously yes for children from unstable / dysfunctional homes lockdown was a terrible thing but I don’t think it’s a reason for everyone else.

I think it's a bit harsh to link lock down being terrible with unstable/ dysfunctional homes. I think it was terrible for people in poor living conditions/ no outside space / no wiser family / no one to bubble with but those factors aren't necessarily the parents fault or nean that the home is dysfunctional.

These issues could be linked to high house prices/ relocation/ older parents/ poor health of relatives and not anyone's fault.

Mine didn't become introverts ....but yeah, sure other stuff happened for other 11-17 year olds. Think we need a more rounded analysis of it all. I also work in HE. It is not introversion I see but a fragility that can be extremely socialised, just incapable of handing work in, being in class etc....A lots of that I blame on the fact that so many unis make videos of lectures available and detract from importance of classroom.

Why are you so offended?? That poster isn’t talking about YOU or your child?? She also isn’t laughing at anyone. Nobody is saying anxiety isn’t real… they’re saying that if it’s that extreme, maybe you should pick a course or career more suited.

Would we let people who were physically disabled become firefighters?? Of course not. That’s not laughing at disabled people or being ableist.

Honestly wish we could talk about societal issues without people thinking they’re being attacked personally. It’s exhausting

I have a sister that has Down’s syndrome. Do I think she should be laughed at? Of course not. Do I think she should be shunned from society and not get to live a fore filling life? No!
Do I think she would be suited to sitting in lectures or taking complex exams? No, I do not.

Well she probably won't. One of the many, many fears I have for her future. There is no help or support received with a diagnosis of selective mutism. But it won't magically cured just by telling her she's got to get on with it.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow i completely agree with you, I think that learning for enjoyment has disappeared in schools and kids are in a constant loop of testing to benefit schools and their results not the students themselves, I find it very sad

Schools are just exam factories for the benefit of no-one except the league tables and statistics. It’s forced learning. True learning can only come through an intrinsic desire to learn. The academic pressure on young people today is definitely part of the problem.

As well as schools, so much of what we ALL experience today is so unnatural and outside of our basic human selves. As a general rule, we spend far too much times indoors, we also look at artificially lit screens all day and sit under artificial lights after dark. We eat food that is highly processed and sprayed with herbicides and pesticides etc. We are far too sedentary meaning we don’t move our bodies anywhere near enough so we never ‘complete the stress cycle’, stress just sits in our bodies and accumulates. We also hear all the news from around the globe which is totally outside of what our human biology can tolerate. Add social media in that too. We mainly live in our nuclear families and don’t have a community or a village so we are socially unsupported and isolated.

I don’t think there is a problem with young people today I think there is a problem with the society and environments we are raising them in.

The problem is, how do you differentiate between actual cases of selective mutism and students that just don’t like speaking in groups?

Wrong thread

Maybe she won't need to do any. She might have skills which mean she can work for herself.

Actually a lot of companies will make adjustments for interviews, such as providing the key questions in advance.

I think the effect of social media is insidious. I’m old enough to know better but spending half an hour on Instagram can persuade me I may have some ailment either physical or mental that I’d not previously heard of. There is also the problem that you have no idea of the credentials of those posting, they may be qualified or calling themselves Dr when they have a PHD in a totally unrelated subject. Previously the only ‘experts’ were people you knew and you could judge the advice on that basis or someone you had searched out.

Yes, fair enough comment. It was particularly hard for those from dysfunctional homes, but I should have said disadvantaged. I agree it was also difficult for those children with poor housing, or no outside space, or parents who couldn’t guide or support them through it.

I am aware that my children were extremely fortunate as we have a garden, a car, a comfortable home and we were able to make lockdown interesting for them and shield them from the worst of it and they don’t seem to have had any mental health effects.

However I was trying to make a point that Covid is still being blamed for poor mental health for all children, not just those in disadvantaged situations. It can’t be the sole reason for the massive increase in anxiety we are seeing.

We are starting now to see articles and research with the opinion that mental health awareness in schools is actually contributing to the rise in mental health issues. It’s called the prevalence inflation hypophysis.

Annabel Schrier’s latest book is partly about this.

Can you tell me what the name of this book is please? I can’t seem to find it anywhere