What's happened to young people? Can parents give me insight.

[EveningSpread]

I work in Higher Education, and I'm increasingly worried about young people.

So far this year, I've encountered more students than usual who:

• say they are unable to attend classes due to anxiety
• who are afraid of being in classes
• who won't speak when spoken to by staff or other students
• who say they find getting on a bus and getting to class to overwhelming
• who find the thought of doing their work so stressful that they can't cope
• who don't come to classes due to family parties / their hamster dying / waking up late (to name the reasons I've had just this morning) and expect you to fix what they've missed - in other words, who seem totally immature and unprepared for life (a different problem to the other things above, perhaps)

Obviously we express sympathy, reassure, and explain that they need to access the help that will enable them to function - to enjoy life, succeed on their degree, and get a job afterwards. (So the wellbeing services, and their GP.) Often the reassurance really helps. But equally a lot of these students don't cope at University. I'm sure this problem is exacerbated by the fact that I work in an institution that attracts students from postcodes with multiple indices of deprivation.

Part of me hopes that mental health issues are sometimes exaggerated or even an excuse, as an increasingly large percentage of my students seem essentially afraid to leave the house -- which would be much worse than them just trying it on/being a bit lazy! It's great that we have a language to talk about mental health now, but it's hard to know how/when to tell people that (a) they are responsible for improving their own mental health so they can function in the world, and (b) experiencing some mild discomfort and difficulty, such as being nervous around new people, is normal and crucial to development.

But I'm left wondering: how are parents coping with their young people if these are the miserable lives they're living? If they're not going to classes, are scared to leave the house, and can't function?

So AIBU, or is this problem getting worse? What can parents of roughly 16-20 year olds tell me? Are we still dealing with the legacies of COVID? What's the word on the street among young people about mental health these days?

Regarding social media, it might be more the anxiety that arises from the feeling of always being observed, of every action being evaluated and judged and there being a binary of acceptable or completely unacceptable behaviour and outcomes within a world of identity and tribes. Also, the judged tend to be the judges too so are neck deep in the mire,

I blame it on big pharma who pump millions on the government to promote their mental health pills, hence the NHS would be doing this illegally if they just offered pills to anyone, they created this big topic: mental health. Right, mental health means you are actually mentally healthy, right? Why is it then used as a negative and every emotion from the negative spectrum needs going to the GP?!

Life can happen and can be hard, you can be sad, grieving, unhappy, etc for a while and this does not mean you are mentally unwell. Opinions welcomed also

So you're saying we should have let the old and the vulnerable die for the sake of young people's MH?

I'd like to actually know what proportion of YP's MH was negatively affected by nothing other than Covid lockdowns. Whilst I have said that I do think that Covid had a negative effect on some YP largely dependent on where they were in the schooling cycle, I don't see it as irreversible? I think the Tories allowed enough people to die, personally!

I don't know, which is why I'm curious as to why people think there's a date to put on it. They clearly haven't fully recovered now, but that doesn't tell us anything about the future.

What sort of timeframe were you thinking, and why?

Maybe a better question is why is this now the case and more common now

Is it the society that we live in, it is somewhat broken and everything is a mess

Isn’t anxiety the new normal

Two books I think are worth reading that may offer some insight; Ultra Processed people, and The Anxious Generation. Both talk about the themes here x

Absolutely this. I'm 40 and have suffered severe anxiety all my life, however in my teens and 20s there was no option to avoid doing things which literally made me sick and shaking with fear. Not that it was right, I believe there should have been more understanding and accomodations for mental ill health, however part of me wonders if we've swung too far the other way. Having worked in educational settings as an adult I've seen the overly permissive approach you mention and it's not good for helping kids develop. There needs to be a middle ground where we're being understanding while encouraging youngsters to learn to cope with life

I teach in HE and this has been a growing issue since before lockdown so whilst I fully understand the impact on some young people it can't be blamed for everything. One of my courses requires an interview and full assessment day. Pre COVID we had an applicant who sailed through the admissions process yet started the course with a full support statement requiring us

• Not to ask questions or even speak to this student unless spoken to first
• to allow the student to retreat to a safe space whenever things became overwhelming
• To provide advance warning so the student could choose not to attend lectures that could have distressing content
• and many more adjustments...

Would anyone like to guess at the students chosen profession?

Social work ffs!

How, just how, are we expected to produce someone capable of giving evidence in court, supporting victims, hearing traumatising accounts of violence and abuse when universities expect staff to work under such restrictions? Not forgetting that we have to navigate this under threats of legal action from students and their families because we're not supporting them enough.

Where did the seemingly competent applicant who we offered a place to go?Why didn't they discuss their needs and whether the course would be suitable? No, it's just me, me, me.

We're used to supporting people with additional needs and happy to do so but the last decade has seen a massive increase in ridiculous and unrealistic expectations, or should I say demands, and frankly it boils my piss.

It can’t just be covid as it is something we are having problems with in the workplace. In my team there is a women in her late 20s who is currently off sick with stress after getting a bad performance review. She is regularly late for work, doesn’t follow rules about our IT system, misses deadlines, and is terrible at presenting written work. Every time she is pulled up on things there is an excuse, and one of the days she was late it was because a friend had phoned her because they were sad, so she spent her morning on the phone to them.

I read an article today that said:
60 percent of employers had already fired recent graduates hired this year, and one in seven companies expressed reluctance to recruit new graduates in 2025. The responses, drawn from nearly 1,000 business leaders, indicate growing skepticism about the value of Gen Z employees in the workplace.
“Many recent college graduates struggle to adjust to the workforce,” said Huy Nguyen, Chief Education and Career Development Advisor at Intelligent.com. “The workplace is often less structured than what they’re accustomed to, and they may lack the real-world experience and soft skills necessary for success.” …
According to the survey, 75 percent of businesses found their recent graduate hires to be unsatisfactory. The top complaints were a lack of motivation (50%), poor communication skills (39%), and unprofessional behaviour (46%).
However, HR consultant Bryan Driscoll argues the fault lies not with Gen Z but with the education system. “Colleges today focus too much on theory and not enough on practical skills,” Driscoll told Newsweek. “Students graduate without the communication skills or professionalism needed in the corporate world.” …
Driscoll stressed that bridging the gap between education and employment requires robust onboarding and mentorship programs. “If companies treat Gen Z workers as disposable, they’re stunting long-term workforce growth,” he warned. …
He concluded by calling for a shift in both education and workplace training approaches. “The solution isn’t to stop hiring recent graduates, but to change how we view education and professional development,” Driscoll said. “Companies need to take responsibility for training their workers, as a college degree alone isn’t enough—and it never has been.”

I have noticed this is not just a problem for the young. I know several cases at work (older adults 65-95) who have not recovered their social life after Covid lockdowns. My mother has lost a lot of confidence, and has become very anxious leaving the house. Imagine how difficult it must be for the young ones whose brains had not yet fully developed independent thinking and socialisation.

I don’t think Covid helped but I don’t think it’s right to blame it for everything, either. I can’t believe that almost an entire generation of kids have MH issues just from lockdowns. There has to be something else going on. Solely blaming Covid is a little convenient because there is nothing we can do about that now, damage has been done.

Whereas movements to ban smart phones for under 16s are proactive and I think will make a big difference.

These kind of YP also exist, so true. Someone should start a thread on the boisterous, competitive desensitised ones. It would be an interesting read.

I think there is far more at play here than Covid and that even if it hadn't happened a lot of these problems with young people would still exist.

The influence of social media to my mind is having a far greater and longer lasting impact.

I am hearing this more and more, I actually know of only 1 child in RL my DS1s age (18) who is like this though, the rest the complete opposite.

I do have a 17 yo living with me currently, really disruptive home life, a number of undiagnosed issues (likely autism and ADHD) and generally no support at home. She is already like a different person after 6 months with us but does get overwhelmed if she is tired, the class is noisy or if she cannot do something.

The college have things in place this year and so far she has 100% attendance and 100% punctuality. Last year she was nearly kicked out as her attendance until May was practically nothing. Now if she is overwhelmed she will leave the class and then go back when she feels OK and completes her work.

I don't think her issues are lockdown related, it's more likely her additional needs but usually there would be very few students needing such high level support but now it is more and more I assume.

What I said at the time and still feel now is a blanket extended lockdown was unnecesearry and caused far more issues than it solved long term.

After the first month lockdown and the evidence showing that for the most part, it was a relatively mild illness to the young and healthy, I would have got them back to work. Telling the old and elderly to isolate. Then eg two months after that had a staged return for the middle aged going up to retirement age. The vaccines were always playing catch up. Let normal herd immunity work as it has done for thousands of years.

Yes, plus too much technology/mobile phones use. Before we had to go out to buy things, socialise. Now nearly everything can be done online.

Maybe the English weather and lack of vitamin D too. Who knows

well, what's in it for them? young people are smart, they know the only "reward" for tackling their worries and knuckling down is decades of work for someone who doesn't care about them on a stagnant wage, and if they're lucky they'll be able to retire at 80 the way things are going, if they dont die at their desks first. you ask why young people don't please you - i ask why should they?

I agree with this. The younger generation hold the belief that you should always feel good, that everything should be easy.
A few centuries ago most people were living in pain. There was no antibiotics, little medication, disease was rife. Most people would lose a baby/child or a relative in young life, so much grief and death. Most jobs were physically arduous, there was no benefit system, no support net, few, if any luxuries except for the very rich.
Life is so much nicer for people now, people mostly have access to healthcare and have so many amazing opportunities, but now we expect to feel good ALL of the time.
We have forgotten that it's ok to feel scared or sad, or to be quirky or weird, or to fail and be crap at things or for life to be really shit for a while. Theres a huge range of 'normal' that we we now medicalising. So many normal teenagers now think there is something wrong with them and are questioning their identity, their gender. They are so cluttered up with all this nonsense they are exposed to online, full to the brim with negative outside influence they literally don't know where to turn.

And to add to that... Pharmaceutical companies are obviously hugely capitalising on this. There is no evidence that long term use of antidepressants is actually effective, but so many people are on them. I could go on and on...

I agree reg banning d smart phones for under 16; but doubt it will happen

I agree covid is only one of multiple factors, but that's not a reason to think there's a time limit on the impact it's had.

This is just unreal.

How on earth will they manage having to do a presentation at work, or speak up about something if they can't simply go to their own teacher?
Getting mummy or daddy to do it is crazy at that age.

It's like it's learned helplessness, encouraged by parents.

I agree with you there.
I think Covid had an impact, of course it did.

But it just seems a bit lazy to keep blaming the lockdowns for the problems young people & kids are facing.
And it worries me that if we just look to blame it on Covid we are missing more important factors that we could, as a nation, be acting on.

100% agree. Life is difficult we just have to cope!

The work one is interesting. I started part time work at 12 and by 18 had worked in hotels, shops, factories and an office. Good, bad, weird and all sorts of businesses and bosses but all great experience. There is no comparison for most kids today. They are hard to employ so many’s great 16 year olds still struggle for work. All that lost experience.

I moved out at 16 and got a bed sit and did A levels at a college. The only money I got paid for the rent and I was financially self sufficient through the rest of my education. I had experienced a few sexual assaults as a child and more as a teen. I was pregnant at 16 and suffered a health issue that was significant and had a big impact on my life. I partied, drank, travelled, did a degree and settled down and had a professional career.

I look back and wonder what the fuck was going on and can find so little to compare to my own children’s childhoods. Mine are safe and happy, they do sport and activities and have friends. They are capable but Jesus are they sensible. Despite the chaos I had a lot more fun. Responsibility and fun seem to be missing generally. Mine argue that they are happy, content and self aware. Maybe they are right. One did have anxiety and I was relentless in shoving him out of his comfort zone. I listened as well but have always wanted thought not just feeling as they are so variable. He is now the most intrepid in some ways. In the OP you mentioned disadvantage and the advantage my kids had was that I could buy them experiences and this bought them friends and fun. Who knows what they would be like without that.

We’re in NI and currently physio apprenticeships are only available in England, so not really unfortunately!