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To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

482 replies

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 03:55

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

OP posts:
WeeOrcadian · 26/09/2024 21:42

NRTFT

Go by yourself, you'll enjoy it more

Evilartsgrad · 26/09/2024 21:52

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 26/09/2024 19:24

Wow! That really IS weird OP! I thought at the very least he was from a country where Sharia law is practiced, possibly Afghanistan or somewhere like that. I think you've had a lucky and timely escape from this one.

How very racist of you. Because we in this country are so very advanced. Hmm.

Silvertulips · 26/09/2024 21:57

Met many a neanderthal British born and raised male!

Run! Don’t be look back.

Teacherprebaby · 26/09/2024 22:00

You can't seriously still be going? He slept around while you were seeing each other and you still agreed to be in a relationship with this man. You need therapy for a lack of self worth. You are worth FAR more than putting up with the behavior you have just described. You paid for the holiday, cancel if it's refundable, if not, go alone.

Why did you get such an expensive gift only 1 year in?

Ohnobackagain · 26/09/2024 22:09

@Chickenrun12 good for you. He has his views - you have yours and they’re not compatible and thankfully you’ve realised he won’t change before getting in too deep. Enjoy your trip!

justanothermummma · 26/09/2024 22:22

Go on your own or swap his place for a friend, he's a walking red flag!!

Pluviophile1 · 27/09/2024 06:40

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 16:47

Sorry everyone, I'm here and have read all the comments. I don't know why I've put up with it all tbh, there's so much that screams inequality and I stupidly try to teach him about equality (like maybe its just ignorance rather than him being a 'bad' person?'. He grew up with an abusive father, surrounded by men who have the same thought processes as him - women shouldn't wear revealing clothes, but men can walk topless in summer. Women shouldn't be alone in the house with other men - workmen, delivery drivers etc (e.g. those who delivered my sofa a few weeks ago - it had to be left outside until he came to bring it in), but he can work in women's houses. Women shouldn't attend certain bars/clubs, but fine for him. Women shouldn't go swimming because of 'revealing' clothes around men, but he swims daily. I could go on and on.

Yes, I know this is all ridiculously unequal and I'm not going to be able to talk these beliefs out of him. Tbh he doesn't even want to discuss different perspectives on things and learn about equality, he has a 'I am who I am' mentality and no desire for introspection or growth.

I've been stupid. I know this. I am going to Thailand alone and will reflect on my own insanity whilst in my favourite place on earth.

Thanks everyone.

You can't teach him another way of thinking, because the way he acts benefits him - and he is fundamentally a shit human.
So glad that you won't be taking him.

Pipsquiggle · 27/09/2024 07:34

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 26/09/2024 19:24

Wow! That really IS weird OP! I thought at the very least he was from a country where Sharia law is practiced, possibly Afghanistan or somewhere like that. I think you've had a lucky and timely escape from this one.

Pretty racist of you @FranceIsWhereItsAt misogyny exists in all societies

Pipsquiggle · 27/09/2024 07:36

@Chickenrun12 really pleased you are going on your own. Have a fantastic time in your bikini drinking cocktails.

Katkins17 · 27/09/2024 07:53

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/09/2024 07:59

As a matter of interest, is he from a country where men share his beliefs, or is he actually from the UK?

Plenty of men in the UK would share his misogynistic beliefs, sadly. Enjoy your holiday @Chickenrun12 free from his abusive nonsense.

LadyTinHat · 27/09/2024 08:54

Although he may have been born in the UK, is he from a different culture?

pinkyredrose · 27/09/2024 12:26

Women shouldn't be alone in the house with other men - workmen, delivery drivers etc (e.g. those who delivered my sofa a few weeks ago - it had to be left outside until he came to bring it in)

Why did you allow him to have any influence on who delivered your sofa?

Anyway, glad you've come to your senses.

WLMounjaro · 27/09/2024 12:29

women shouldn't wear revealing clothes, but men can walk topless in summer. Women shouldn't be alone in the house with other men - workmen, delivery drivers etc (e.g. those who delivered my sofa a few weeks ago - it had to be left outside until he came to bring it in), but he can work in women's houses. Women shouldn't attend certain bars/clubs, but fine for him. Women shouldn't go swimming because of 'revealing' clothes around men, but he swims daily. I could go on and on.

I hope you're single now as well

LostittoBostik · 27/09/2024 12:31

Switch the name on the ticket. Take a friend. You won't regret your decision.

Aroastdinnerisnotahumanright · 27/09/2024 12:59

Did he expect you to not swim and cover up in Thailand of all places?? Why did you pay for such an expensive trip?

Anyways all's well that ends well, hopefully you can chang the ticket and bring a friend.

HotSource · 27/09/2024 14:25

Bloody hell, OP - your update!

Good- you will enjoy your holiday without him, but how on earth did you put up with that crap for one day? Sofa left outside?

Have you actually dumped him? Told him he is dumped? I hope he does not have a key to your house? I would change the locks before you go.

Edenmum2 · 27/09/2024 15:02

Have a lovely solo holiday OP. Maybe you'll find someone else and get your happy ending.

Bantai · 27/09/2024 15:09

Wow OP, he is a scummy horror.
Please do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk and get some counselling.
Why would you want to be around such a loser, who was reared and completely surrounded by losers?
Do you not realise that it is highly likely to be bred into him?
Have you really no idea that such men are often abusive in relationships?
Honestly OP, have a long hard think about this before you mess up your life long term.
Enjoy the holiday without the loser.

The Freedom Programme. Learn about domestic violence and abuse

The Freedom Programme. For women who want to learn more about the reality of domestic violence and abuse

http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Dragonsandcats · 27/09/2024 15:10

Dump him and take a friend!

Dragonsandcats · 27/09/2024 15:11

Sorry just saw your update. Well done OP!

Nothanks17 · 27/09/2024 15:51

Take someone else dont miss out on the trip

Get rid of him

NoDought · 27/09/2024 18:06

Wow!! How exactly did he defend that it would be different if you had a happy ending in front of him?

OhcantthInkofaname · 27/09/2024 18:13

You mean EX right?

Josette77 · 27/09/2024 18:13

I'm so happy with your update!!!!

You deserve a wonderful relaxing trip and I hope you come back knowing you deserve love and respect.