To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

[Chickenrun12]

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

What happened when you left? How much did it cost?

Go alone!

My best friend is on her second solo trip in Thailand. She's having the time of her life.

They went together. He had an orgy in front of her and she helped wank him off while he got his bum hole fingered.

Neither of us were there. Perhaps the staff were enjoying humiliating the couple. Perhaps the man was too drunk/stupid to be reasoned with. I just doubt that the protocol for a Wetherspoons in Surbiton is the same as for a bar in Thailand. I doubt it's that simple. And it sounds as though the OP was the only one with any money.

I don't understand why you didn't bin him and go on the holiday on your own.

Sorry, just read the updates. What a fucking charmer!

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope you've binned him off. He's sounds absolutely disgusting.

That would, of course, have been the right decision.

I do find it irritating that hundreds of posters offered practical advice and support and then the OP comes back and throws it all in the faces of those who supported her. Why, just why, if you weren’t able to follow through on what was glaringly obvious about your ’d’p beforehand and go by yourself, are you coming back now to provide disgusting details about what (allegedly) happened? I really wish I hadn’t read the update. This confirms to me that it is pointless for posters to offer advice and support in good faith when it’s completely ignored.

Do you seriously think that of all the social and emotional pressures on people the conclusive instruction they obey should always be the consensus advice on Mumsnet? Oh what a wonderful place the world would be if only that worked every time!

I just want to know if you’ve ended it. I notice you’re not saying.

I cannot fathom why you went with him but please at least confirm you’re not with him now @Chickenrun12 ?

Wtf

You're actually a horrid person.

That’s not what I said. There wasn’t a ‘should always’. On this occasion, the OP herself declared she was listening to the sensible advice and going by herself. Fine she caved in and went with the disgusting pig of a boyfriend. The update is annoying. She didn’t have to come back and provide those details on the alleged encounter did she? She could’ve just kept the outcome to herself. If any of this happened at all…

A trip to Phuket is pretty cheap and common for us Aussies, last time I was in Patong (not that long ago), Bangla Rd was absolutely heaving with tourists including family groups, and not a single one of them was having public group sex. You joined in, really? This is absolutely nuts. I mean, I guess I can believe it if you were led off to a private area in a bar but what I don't believe is that you had no agency, and no choice but to join in.

A trigger warning on the update may have been helpful for those of us who are survivors of SA. I'm sorry I read that and I hope others are okay too.

Ugh. Wish I hadn't bothered reading the update. I despair. Why are so many women so desperate to be in a relationship that they even entertain any of this? OP went all the way to Thailand and did nothing but watch a bellend of a bloke sleep all day and party all night. I hope to for she's finally dumped his very sorry (fingered) arse.

Sorry people are being dicks to you OP.

Right OK, I wish I hadn't updated. No I'm not with him anymore. There was alot more to the relationship than this one event but the whole thing has left me an absolute mess. My mental health has completely fell apart over the last year or so and I found it very difficult to leave even though I could see it was wrong.

I am not very well at the moment to the point I'm seeing someone from the community mental health team and have just been prescribed a medicine that is used in veterinary medicine as a tranquilliser to try and help.

I posted the update not for sympathy or a weird way to put gross details on the Internet. I posted it to say trust your instincts and the advice of hundreds of posters who have no reason to want to steer you wrong. I really wish I'd not updated.

OK, I wish I'd not updated. I apologise.

Crikey I’m sorry OP. That sounds appalling and it surely would fall under sexual assault? I’m not sure if you can report it back in the UK or how seriously it would be taken but at the very least please get some counselling to try and process what happened. As others have said, please tell us you are no longer with him and that he’s blocked on every platform?

You did well to post the update. People may learn from it.

Ah, so you're on ketamine. That explains some of it.

As a matter of interest, did the boyfriend claim to have enjoyed the experience, or was he as humiliated and scared as you were?

I have been to patong a number of times and have never experienced anything like this. This was off a street on Bangla directly next door to a bar called Harem. It wasn't in a private room.