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To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

482 replies

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 03:55

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

OP posts:
MyrtleStrumpet · 10/11/2024 22:47

I am so sorry that this was done to you and I hope that you are recovering.

I think the PPs who have advised you to go to Rape Crisis are right. They can help you process this. You were forced into a situation where he was controlling you, both by persuading you to let him go on holiday and by the situation in the bar.

He is not a man who is thinking of you or supporting you. If you haven't already left the relationship, please take advice on how to do so safely. I hope you have support.

And to the poster who thinks this is all for attention, please get your comment removed.

teatimelover · 10/11/2024 22:47

I would have taken my chances outside than witnessed that. I hope you've dumped him!

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 10/11/2024 22:48

Gross

I'm sorry your ignored everyone's advice and your own instincts.
Hopefully, you'll never find yourself with someone like this again, but if you do, at least you'll know to run!

Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Unfortunately this absolutely happened. Yes he didn't have full sex and yes I did say what actually happened? You not liking those details doesn't change that it happened.

I have zero reason to make this up and it's people like you who make it so difficult for people to actually share these events for fear of not being believed.

Just be grateful that this is so far 'out there' that you can't believe its real - I'm glad for you.

OP posts:
Salome61 · 10/11/2024 22:50

So very sorry OP. I took my family to volunteer at Elephant Nature Park outside Chiang Mai, and we had one day in Chiang Mai before our flight. There is a massage parlour for females who have been in prison and my daughter went in for a massage. While I was waiting the most revolting men came in, I felt for the women who had to deal with them.

Twistybranch · 10/11/2024 22:51

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JolieFilleCommentCaVa · 10/11/2024 22:51

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Like I’ve said previous times, if you don’t believe that this is a genuine poster then just report the thread, for goodness sake.

Instead you chose to write a judgey and yes victim blaming post. Of course this posters experience is totally plausible. And no, it’s not gross to describe the details of what happened.

Twistybranch · 10/11/2024 22:51

JolieFilleCommentCaVa · 10/11/2024 22:51

Like I’ve said previous times, if you don’t believe that this is a genuine poster then just report the thread, for goodness sake.

Instead you chose to write a judgey and yes victim blaming post. Of course this posters experience is totally plausible. And no, it’s not gross to describe the details of what happened.

Already have ✔️

Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 22:52

This reply has been deleted

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It is genuine. I wish it wasn't but it is.

OP posts:
teenmaw · 10/11/2024 22:52

My ex husband and I went to Thailand after we got married and although not quite as bad as this, he behaved in exactly the same way. Total disrespect for the country, the people, me, himself really and the law. I was terrified he'd get arrested (buying and taking drugs, getting blind drunk and being totally inappropriate with women), same as you not a bit of normal holiday activity. I stayed and had two kids after that, don't know wtf I was thinking. Please get as far away from this scumbag as you can op. This will not improve.

Edenmum2 · 10/11/2024 22:53

So sorry OP, I absolutely believe you and so sorry you went through it.

Is he completely out of your life now? I hope so x

SwerveCity · 10/11/2024 22:53

Why would you sit there while your boyfriend is getting a blowy and his bum hole fingered by six women? You took photos too? How nice. This is bizarre.

Pallisers · 10/11/2024 22:54

Just be grateful that this is so far 'out there' that you can't believe its real - I'm glad for you.

But it IS out there. What you should take from the widespread disbelief that this happened is that your boundaries and decision-making in going to Thailand (and paying for him) with a man who told you what he wanted to do - and then did it - are off. Posters advised you to abandon the trip but you went. He is a piece of shit and you need to do some serious work on yourself.

CryptoFascist · 10/11/2024 22:54

I read your update and I'm not normally shocked but this is one of the worst things I've read on here.

Please say you've cut him out of your life now? How much worse do you need it to get?

JolieFilleCommentCaVa · 10/11/2024 22:54

Twistybranch · 10/11/2024 22:51

Already have ✔️

Good for you 🌟

TriesNotToBeCynical · 10/11/2024 22:56

SwerveCity · 10/11/2024 22:53

Why would you sit there while your boyfriend is getting a blowy and his bum hole fingered by six women? You took photos too? How nice. This is bizarre.

Not that easy to walk out in a foreign country. Especially if the bar staff know whose got the credit card.

SwerveCity · 10/11/2024 22:57

TriesNotToBeCynical · 10/11/2024 22:56

Not that easy to walk out in a foreign country. Especially if the bar staff know whose got the credit card.

Ok might be difficult to just walk away, but not to help “finish him off” in front of everyone 🤢

Starlight7080 · 10/11/2024 22:58

I would go on holiday. But I wouldn't see him as a longterm partner. The red flags and crap start to your relationship don't really scream long term marriage material.

Butchyrestingface · 10/11/2024 22:58

You still with him then, @Chickenrun12 ?

JustAboutMuddlingThrough · 10/11/2024 22:59

I hope to god you've now dumped the slimy fucker!!

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 10/11/2024 23:00

I would go on holiday. But I wouldn't see him as a longterm partner. The red flags and crap start to your relationship don't really scream long term marriage material.

Read the update - not marriage material is about understatement of the century!

Starlight7080 · 10/11/2024 23:01

Just read the updates...that's grim on so many levels
I hope you both got tested for well all sorts when you got home

Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 23:03

SwerveCity · 10/11/2024 22:53

Why would you sit there while your boyfriend is getting a blowy and his bum hole fingered by six women? You took photos too? How nice. This is bizarre.

No I didn't take photos. I realise it sounds mad and it was. It happened really fast. It wasn't like a negotiation was made/conversation was had and then it began so to speak. It happened very very quickly. I don't think he even knew it was about to happen, but he didn't put a stop to it as soon as it started and therefore it escalated and escalated. I kept asking him to stop. We were in patong which is absolutely insane at night. I was scared and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I would have even been allowed to leave before it was paid for.

OP posts:
TriesNotToBeCynical · 10/11/2024 23:04

SwerveCity · 10/11/2024 22:57

Ok might be difficult to just walk away, but not to help “finish him off” in front of everyone 🤢

Seems to have been the only way to get out of the place. Not nice, but a bit late to worry about that.

SwerveCity · 10/11/2024 23:07

TriesNotToBeCynical · 10/11/2024 23:04

Seems to have been the only way to get out of the place. Not nice, but a bit late to worry about that.

Maybe tell him to put his dick away and get the fk out of there after HE had settled any bill he owed. As if you’d go anywhere near him. Finish him off? Seriously? This whole thing is gross.

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