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To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

482 replies

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 03:55

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

OP posts:
Portalsalways · 10/11/2024 20:40

What the actual fuck!

Op please tell me this man is out of your life completely. Blocked. Doesn’t have stuff at yours. Not keeping in touch. Not the odd text. Please tell me he is gone completely.

He coerced you into a sexual act. Op is right. He is a monster.

PussInBin20 · 10/11/2024 20:47

Well you were warned!

Fastback · 10/11/2024 20:48

How old is this creature? This is one of the most revolting and unimaginable things I’ve read on here.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 10/11/2024 21:00

Please tell me you have binned this piece of shit?

BigDeepBreaths · 10/11/2024 21:09

That sounds like an utter nightmare. I hope you are aboe to put it behind you and move on - please tell us you have heeded the advice and dumped him?

Kneebonefuture · 10/11/2024 21:11

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WiseUpWash · 10/11/2024 21:13

I would have been on the first plane home. Please tell me you finished with him immediately

Elphamouche · 10/11/2024 21:18

Holy fucking shit.

Gonk123 · 10/11/2024 21:22

Wow…that is just so much worse than anyone could ever imagine. I am so sorry for you. How are you?
how have you resolved things since returning? I hope you are ok.

RosaMoline · 10/11/2024 21:27

I can’t believe what I’ve just read (OP’s update)

SwerveCity · 10/11/2024 21:31

wtf why did you even take him? Probably still together though.

ttcat37 · 10/11/2024 21:32

@Chickenrun12 But you’ve finished the relationship now though… right?

edit to add, and you’ve had an STI test, right?

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 10/11/2024 21:33

*I've been stupid. I know this. I am going to Thailand alone and will reflect on my own insanity whilst in my favourite place on earth.

Thanks everyone.

What changed from when you posted this to going?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/11/2024 21:36

This is horrendous. To think this trip was a gift to him from you. He's so much worse than the bastard I thought he was at the beginning it seems like he basically forced you to be part of an orgy of him cheating due to fear - that's is sexual assault. This is not a partner this is an abuser. Please please seek support to help you leave him and block him.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/11/2024 21:37

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This is really cruel- none of us could have predicted he'd been quite as bad as that, he was worse than i ever imagined. Don't victim blame it sounds like she is in an abusive relationship and it can take a long time to leave one- most women take 7 attempts.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/11/2024 21:38

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 10/11/2024 21:33

*I've been stupid. I know this. I am going to Thailand alone and will reflect on my own insanity whilst in my favourite place on earth.

Thanks everyone.

What changed from when you posted this to going?

I imagine he forced and manipulated her like he seems to have a habit of doing.

Op if you haven't yet got rid of him please go to counselling to help learn about healthy relationships

Justnippinginthegaragelove · 10/11/2024 21:40

WTF did i just read?

That is truly shocking.. why on earth did you take him with you?
Please tell me he's gone now?

Justalittlenaughty · 10/11/2024 21:41

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Peaceandquietandacuppa · 10/11/2024 21:46

Portalsalways · 10/11/2024 20:40

What the actual fuck!

Op please tell me this man is out of your life completely. Blocked. Doesn’t have stuff at yours. Not keeping in touch. Not the odd text. Please tell me he is gone completely.

He coerced you into a sexual act. Op is right. He is a monster.

This!

Summerhillsquare · 10/11/2024 21:46

OP in the UK this would be coercion, and criminal. You can speak to Rape Crisis about this, as I imagine you need to speak to someone about this level of sexual abuse. They can refer you to places that will help you escape this relationship.

Pipsquiggle · 10/11/2024 21:54

Just urgh!

Glad you got out of it safely. Hope you have learnt a valuable lesson from this @Chickenrun12

EngineEngineNumber9 · 10/11/2024 21:55

What a completely horrific situation. For the sex workers, for you… totally disturbing. Really harrowing to even read so I’m sorry you went through that.

Victim-blaming is abhorrent. Some people on this thread have no idea how coercive abusers can be.

OP I hope you get away from this disgusting man. Please talk to someone.

ShouldIEvenBother · 10/11/2024 22:12

So, so horrific.

I think we all read your latest update and gasped at its horror several times.

Please speak to rape crisis/ similar as soon as you can OP.

There are no words... focus on building yourself back up emotionally, slowly - and do you have some good friends or family members IRL that you can speak to about what has happened?

🌺

JolieFilleCommentCaVa · 10/11/2024 22:14

What an awful update OP. I’m no prude, but I think I’d be traumatised having to witness and engage in something like that😓

He sounds like a disgusting predator. I hope you’ve left him and blocked him on absolutely everything! Vile piece of shit.

You deserve so much better.

Hunglikeapolevaulter · 10/11/2024 22:14

What the fuck have I just read? He's an actual monster.
Please, PLEASE in future trust your instincts and run at the first sign of a red flag.
God I actually want a shower after reading that. It's debased.

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