Page 10 | To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

Jack80 · 29/09/2024 10:15

I would go on my own or with a family or friend unless you can trust him.

MustWeDoThis · 29/09/2024 15:58

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 03:55

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

You're either desperate for companionship to the point you worship his scummy feet, or you're extremely naive. I mean, you've even paid for an expensive holiday "As a gift" to take him on - Why?? Do you feel you need to buy his affections??

Don't be a doormat! Kick him to the gutter!

thenovice · 30/09/2024 08:52

Ditch him. This is not going anywhere nice.

Devon23 · 30/09/2024 13:22

£25 for an admin name changed on flights - take a friend. Someone decent - you know you deserve better.

Candystore22 · 30/09/2024 13:29

He is absolutely BONKERS and an utter asshole. Glad you’ve come to your senses.

Swiftie1878 · 30/09/2024 13:36

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 16:47

Sorry everyone, I'm here and have read all the comments. I don't know why I've put up with it all tbh, there's so much that screams inequality and I stupidly try to teach him about equality (like maybe its just ignorance rather than him being a 'bad' person?'. He grew up with an abusive father, surrounded by men who have the same thought processes as him - women shouldn't wear revealing clothes, but men can walk topless in summer. Women shouldn't be alone in the house with other men - workmen, delivery drivers etc (e.g. those who delivered my sofa a few weeks ago - it had to be left outside until he came to bring it in), but he can work in women's houses. Women shouldn't attend certain bars/clubs, but fine for him. Women shouldn't go swimming because of 'revealing' clothes around men, but he swims daily. I could go on and on.

Yes, I know this is all ridiculously unequal and I'm not going to be able to talk these beliefs out of him. Tbh he doesn't even want to discuss different perspectives on things and learn about equality, he has a 'I am who I am' mentality and no desire for introspection or growth.

I've been stupid. I know this. I am going to Thailand alone and will reflect on my own insanity whilst in my favourite place on earth.

Thanks everyone.

Good decision. Well done.

Have a wonderful holiday! xx

BlueSkies1981 · 30/09/2024 19:07

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 16:47

Sorry everyone, I'm here and have read all the comments. I don't know why I've put up with it all tbh, there's so much that screams inequality and I stupidly try to teach him about equality (like maybe its just ignorance rather than him being a 'bad' person?'. He grew up with an abusive father, surrounded by men who have the same thought processes as him - women shouldn't wear revealing clothes, but men can walk topless in summer. Women shouldn't be alone in the house with other men - workmen, delivery drivers etc (e.g. those who delivered my sofa a few weeks ago - it had to be left outside until he came to bring it in), but he can work in women's houses. Women shouldn't attend certain bars/clubs, but fine for him. Women shouldn't go swimming because of 'revealing' clothes around men, but he swims daily. I could go on and on.

Yes, I know this is all ridiculously unequal and I'm not going to be able to talk these beliefs out of him. Tbh he doesn't even want to discuss different perspectives on things and learn about equality, he has a 'I am who I am' mentality and no desire for introspection or growth.

I've been stupid. I know this. I am going to Thailand alone and will reflect on my own insanity whilst in my favourite place on earth.

Thanks everyone.

Have an amazing time… I was in a similar position having bought my ex a trip away for his birthday (it wasn’t as exotic as this though). We both went but his behaviour when we were away was the final straw for me… I wish I had gone on my own!

Noseybookworm · 30/09/2024 19:09

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 16:47

Sorry everyone, I'm here and have read all the comments. I don't know why I've put up with it all tbh, there's so much that screams inequality and I stupidly try to teach him about equality (like maybe its just ignorance rather than him being a 'bad' person?'. He grew up with an abusive father, surrounded by men who have the same thought processes as him - women shouldn't wear revealing clothes, but men can walk topless in summer. Women shouldn't be alone in the house with other men - workmen, delivery drivers etc (e.g. those who delivered my sofa a few weeks ago - it had to be left outside until he came to bring it in), but he can work in women's houses. Women shouldn't attend certain bars/clubs, but fine for him. Women shouldn't go swimming because of 'revealing' clothes around men, but he swims daily. I could go on and on.

Yes, I know this is all ridiculously unequal and I'm not going to be able to talk these beliefs out of him. Tbh he doesn't even want to discuss different perspectives on things and learn about equality, he has a 'I am who I am' mentality and no desire for introspection or growth.

I've been stupid. I know this. I am going to Thailand alone and will reflect on my own insanity whilst in my favourite place on earth.

Thanks everyone.

OP he has shown you who he is, believe him. He has a twisted view of women and this will not change. Go on your holiday alone and have a lovely time - lots of people do trips to Thailand alone and you will meet other like minded people, relax, read and eat wonderful food. Take the time to think about why you have put up with his behaviour for so long and why you feel the need to rescue/try and change a man with such unacceptable views. It's not a pattern you want to repeat. You are deserving of respect.

Scottsy200 · 30/09/2024 19:18

Please leave this relationship, and you are delusional if you think he hasn’t cheated while you’ve been “official”

once a cheater always a cheater and double standards too, how is your happy ending any different to his

Run and don’t look back

GreatGardenstuff · 30/09/2024 20:02

I think you should find a friend and go on holiday with a decent human being who cares about you.

AmIEnough · 01/10/2024 07:53

Bloody hell!! Run for the hills OP! There are so many red flags here! He clearly has no respect for you or for women in general, clearly has double standards and I would be hugely concerned about his fidelity moving forward. I would tell him the holiday is cancelled, but go on your own.

Original poster

Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 20:02

I just posted about this on a different thread and it reminded me to update this one. So, after this thread and my decision to go alone, we spoke and we ended up going together.

He just wanted to party all night and sleep all day. There was not a single excursion, activity etc. No temples, no beach, no elephant sanctuary, no pool. Day 4 he had an orgy with 6 thai prostitutes infront of me in a 'bar' whilst I begged for us to leave but too scared/couldn't leave by myself (not quite full sex, but oral, hand jobs, anal fingering etc) He couldn't finish and begged me to 'help'. I wasn't allowed to leave until it was paid for (very scary security on the doors enforcing it). They were bringing constant rounds of tequila and the cost was rising the constantly. I didnt have the money and i was so scared of what would happen if the cost got so high we couldnt pay. I asked repeatedly to just leave - i even said I will make sure he 'finished' back at the hotel in a desperate bid to leave. He just kept saying baby i need to cum please help and so I did. Probably sounds like its partly my fault but i didnt want it, ask for it, had no idea it was going to happen and was very very aware of the danger if it carried on and we couldnt pay.

He told me to 'just forget about it' afterwards but didn't want to delete the photos of him with them all afterwards literally sucking one of their breasts because he wanted to keep it as memory.

My own fault for taking him on the holiday and not heading the warnings. Please trust your instincts and listen to advice. I wish I had.

OP posts:

WLMounjaro · 10/11/2024 20:08

Oh op, that sounds awful, I just wanted to pick up on what you wrote

Probably sounds like its partly my fault

No, sure you could have made different decisions, but life is built on that, and it was NOT your fault what he did.

It sounds like you are home and safe now, which is good

Laura95167 · 10/11/2024 20:14

Chickenrun12 · 10/11/2024 20:02

I just posted about this on a different thread and it reminded me to update this one. So, after this thread and my decision to go alone, we spoke and we ended up going together.

He just wanted to party all night and sleep all day. There was not a single excursion, activity etc. No temples, no beach, no elephant sanctuary, no pool. Day 4 he had an orgy with 6 thai prostitutes infront of me in a 'bar' whilst I begged for us to leave but too scared/couldn't leave by myself (not quite full sex, but oral, hand jobs, anal fingering etc) He couldn't finish and begged me to 'help'. I wasn't allowed to leave until it was paid for (very scary security on the doors enforcing it). They were bringing constant rounds of tequila and the cost was rising the constantly. I didnt have the money and i was so scared of what would happen if the cost got so high we couldnt pay. I asked repeatedly to just leave - i even said I will make sure he 'finished' back at the hotel in a desperate bid to leave. He just kept saying baby i need to cum please help and so I did. Probably sounds like its partly my fault but i didnt want it, ask for it, had no idea it was going to happen and was very very aware of the danger if it carried on and we couldnt pay.

He told me to 'just forget about it' afterwards but didn't want to delete the photos of him with them all afterwards literally sucking one of their breasts because he wanted to keep it as memory.

My own fault for taking him on the holiday and not heading the warnings. Please trust your instincts and listen to advice. I wish I had.

This is awful.

I really don't understand why you didn't leave him there the minute he started his disrespectful behavoiur. But if its because you fear HIM, if he's controlling you, you need an exit plan you're saying you didn't want to "help him cum" if you're coerced it's not consent.

Don't blame yourself but don't continue this. You need away from this man and you may need a plan to achieve this but please get rid of him. This won't get better. He has NOT been faithful, he's taken advantage of your kindness and money and that's a minimum. This isn't about a holiday.

Hoppinggreen · 10/11/2024 20:14

Jesus fucking Christ.
His behaviour is in no way your fault.
I do lose a bit of sympathy to be honest because you know he's a Dick and he was true to form but I doubt anyone could have expected that

Inkyblue123 · 10/11/2024 20:20

This man is a bad neighbourhood. He may have one or two charms but deep down he is a shit show and it will only end in tears. Get out now, he has shown his true colours

ThatTealViewer · 10/11/2024 20:21

Have you ended things?

Couldyounot · 10/11/2024 20:25

And you have now broken up with him, yes?

TheTwirlyPoos · 10/11/2024 20:26

Stone me OP the guy's a twat!

I'll come! I can pay the admin fee for a change of name and I promise I don't want any kind of endings with a massage.

StormingNorman · 10/11/2024 20:26

I’m sorry he ruined your holiday and you must have felt sick watching all that going on.

You did what you needed to do to get back to your hotel safely. No blame on your part. Your BF was disgusting to start this and involve you without your consent. I’d consider this sexual abuse as you participated under threat to your safety.

JumpingPumpkin · 10/11/2024 20:33

Please tell me that you've split up properly now. The blokes awful.

Thevelvelletes · 10/11/2024 20:33

If he'd use sex workers in a foreign country he's done it here.

Thevelvelletes · 10/11/2024 20:35

Sorry op read the update.
What a fucking monster.

JMSA · 10/11/2024 20:37

YUUUUUCK

NavyOrca · 10/11/2024 20:39

This man is not just a red flag, he’s the entire roll of fabric. Come on, you can do better - and I’m sure you know this! Get rid.