Bisexual Awareness Month

[InPulaCuSatelitul]

Apparently we’re celebrating this at work, which seems to consist of endless blogs about being bisexual and being “visible.” Fine, no problem with that, but why do I need to know in the workplace? Does it affect how they do their job?

I’m not being goady, I genuinely don’t see why I need to know.

Except this is only for certain causes - so as above pps have said - if someone wanted a week or a month celebrating for something not considered worthy then it would be absolutely not OK to do in the workplace regardless of others being able to ignore it and get on with their day.

Imo workplace DEI has gone beyond the remit, it has become divisive and is just about the over paid DEI employees keeping themselves in well paid cushy roles

Not relevant (in my opinion) as unlike some posters on here I don't think my personal experience speaks for the experience of every single other bisexual person. But to take your question at face value these are some of the experiences I've had at work after coming out-

• Being asked why I'm dating a man
• Related to the above- comments like "I guess you're straight again now"
• Being asked if my bisexuality is why my marriage (to a man) ended
• My boyfriend being asked at work social events what he thinks of me having dated women
• Comments from homosexual colleagues about how I don't belong in conversations about Pride
• More questions and probing about my dating life (when I was single) from men primarily, in a way that they simply didn't do when they thought I only dated men

Oh Save us from these 'let it all hang out' enthusiasts!!
Yes I have a GF not a BF. I am pleased that @Katielovesteatime would accept me if she knew.
But my sexuality is none of her business. Neither is it her business if I tell anyone or no-one.
OP. A waste of time by everyone imo. Do please ask the 'why' questions at work.

Not knowing what people do in the bedroom is applicable to all sexualities though - only you have conflated that to only mean homo/bisexual - no one cares about anyone else's sex lives

Yeah, see I just can’t get worked up about any of that. I’ve had the odd comment, and I just shrug it off because I’m aware I’m going to run into rude people sometimes, that’s life. It’s all very minor. Some of these questions may have come from a very different place than ‘biphobia’. For example asking why you’re dating a man, could come from a woman who had just had a bad experience with men and said it in a flippant way because if she was bi, she’d write men off - without the context it’s hard to know. If you go around looking to be offended though, you will be, constantly.

This resonates with me.

I don't see awareness as "OMG STOP BEING AN OVERT BIPHOBE AND HATE-CRIMING YOUR COLLEAGUES YOU MONSTER!!"

it's more akin to "perhaps give a little more consideration when interacting with people that heterosexuality is not default".

When I say I haven't encountered outright Biphobia that's true enough, but I've lost count of the number of times I've stood there cringing or walked away rolling my eyes because I've been on the end of someone assuming I'm hetero, or broaching a subject in a way that makes it abundantly clear they presume heterosexuality is universal, and it's never occurred to them that they might be talking to someone who that template doesn't fit, and are therefore making a lot of incorrect assumptions and presumptions and expressing them to my face.

I'm not going to correct them and create a scene, because I have no desire to embarrass people or make them feel awkward, but it would be nice not to have to walk away thinking "oh for fucks sake" quite so frequently.

As a person who ticks quite a few of our HR department's diversity boxes, this kind of nonsense really makes me want to puke look for a job elsewhere.

Businesses and organisations just need to treat people fairly, consistently and equitably. No amount of virtue signalling can replace this.

The UK has a productivity problem, and this is one of the reasons why.

This thread has me realise just how important Bisexual Awareness Month really is. Biphobia is a HUGE problem, and this thread has made it even more obvious.

Posters denying that anyone could have experienced discrimination due to being bisexual, aggressively demanding that posters justify themselves by listing every negative experience they've ever had due to biphobia, implying that those who have experienced biphobia are lying and/or attention seeking, saying how bisexual people are cheaters and unable to be in committed relationships, making horrible, crass comments suggesting that being open about bisexuality is like telling sordid sexual stories ...

When Susan from accounting says she's off to Benidorm with her husband, would your initial reaction to be like, "UGH SUSAN! Why do you need to tell me you have a husband?! I don't want to hear about what you two get up to in the bedroom!" When Mike from I.T mentions that he's off to pick up his son, would you respond with something like, "OMG MIKE! Nobody wants to know that you have kids! Why do you need to tell me that you put your PENIS inside a woman's VAGINA?!"

We share things in the workplace that may be personal, about the relationships that are a big part of our lives, but they're obviously not about sex. We see our colleagues every day and they often become friends. Like I said, I am bisexual and when I become friends with someone I feel a bit awkward like... should I mention it? If I don't mention it, it might be weird when it becomes apparent. If I don't mention it, they might make a really inappropriate or offensive joke about bisexual people and it would be embarrassing for everyone involved (it's happened before!). If I don't mention it and we become a certain level of friends, they might be offended that I didn't mention it and feel like I thought I couldn't trust them (also happened before). But if I DO mention it, maybe it will be weird or awkward... and how do I bring it up anyway?! And what if they're the kind of people who think being bisexual is attention-seeking/an excuse to sleep around/indecisiveness/a juvenile phase/etc?

Having this kind of event just brings this conversation temporarily into focus so, if anyone wants to discuss anything or share thoughts, ideas, experiences, etc, they can. That's all. Once it's all out in the open, perhaps people would feel safe to speak out without worrying about judgement. It doesn't need to be a long and deep conversation, it obviously wouldn't involve talk of what goes on in the bedroom, but it could simply let people feel that, if they want to share this part of their lives, they can. Maybe they wouldn't even want to! But what's wrong with making that an option? Nobody minds when heterosexual people like Susan or Mike share aspects of their personal lives.

Having a discussion might also help clear up some of this ignorance and biphobia, which this thread has proven is still very widespread.

What is so bad about companies encouraging an environment where people feel comfortable and safe to be openly themselves? If you don't care or don't want to know about aspects of people's lives, that's fine - you don't need to pay too much attention or dwell on it at length. Does it really bother you to know that Susan is married to a man or that Mike has kids? Does it really impact your day and ruin your working experience?

If not, then why would knowing someone was bisexual be any different?!

So weird to me the things that people get annoyed about on Mumsnet.

Good for you that you wouldn't get worked up about any of that. Surely you can see that not everyone is the same as you?

I wouldn't cause a scene about it or anything, but as @XDownwiththissortofthingX says above it's this kind of quiet assumption that proves exactly why bisexuality awareness month is needed- so that heterosexuality isn't the assumed default.

"For example asking why you’re dating a man, could come from a woman who had just had a bad experience with men and said it in a flippant way because if she was bi, she’d write men off - without the context it’s hard to know." - this whole bit is really weird. Why make up some completely random scenario for "context" when you could just ask me to clarify if you're that bothered (I suspect you're not actually if you'd sooner tie yourself in knots making something up instead).

What is stopping you talking about your partner if you want to, Katielovesteatime? In the same way that I might mention my husband. Can't you mention your partner if you choose to?

I really don't get these 'penis in vagina' comments at all, just because someone says that they have a child? It's gross really. Everybody knows - whatever their sexuality - how babies are made, there's no need for this.

You keep repeatedly missing the point @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe. There are no 'penis in vagina' comments in real life, because nobody conflates straight people talking about their relationships with what they're getting up to in the bedroom.

I agree with everything in @Katielovesteatime post.

Because there's no need, sweetpickle, I'm not missing the point. You're making one that doesn't need to be made. If you have a partner you can mention them. That's as much as a straight person does, isn't it?

What else do you want to do that you think you can't?

All we need to be 'aware of' at work is that not everyone is in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, and that we should remember this and not make assumptions by asking Jake if he's bringing his girlfriend to the works do, or similar.

All we need to be 'aware of' at work is that not everyone is in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, and that we should remember this and not make assumptions by asking Jake if he's bringing his girlfriend to the works do, or similar.

My boss is a lesbian, she's married to her wife. She talks about her freely without any issue at all and I talk about my husband.

If somebody is bisexual then, if they have a partner, it will be a man or a woman. If they want to talk about them then what is the big deal? If talking about partners is ok for everybody else why not for bisexual people?

I would really like to understand that.

Bisexual people can't mention their partners in the same way, that's the whole point!

It might be the case at your workplace that nobody cares what anyone's sexuality is, but can you honestly not see that homophobia and biphobia exists and in some environments people are not able to share who they are fully for fear of discrimination?

See my examples upthread for ways in which my sexuality has been questioned at work. Do you think straight people are questioned in this way?

All we need to be 'aware of' at work is that not everyone is in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, and that we should remember this and not make assumptions by asking Jake if he's bringing his girlfriend to the works do, or similar.

Edited as posted twice

Exactly. "Are you bringing anybody to the works party?", covers it. Can be said to anybody. Response can be anything from 'Yes, my partner' to 'Yes, Alice' or 'Mind your own business' or 'I'm not going', or 'I'm not bringing anyone'.

Well, I feel the same way about all of these comments on here. There are several crass comments implying that talking about bisexuality is immediately implying something sexual, perverse, and dirty, that should be a secret and not able to be discussed. Yet nobody would ever suggest that someone discussing a personal aspect of their lives was sexual if they were heterosexual - even something like having children which is obviously a direct result of sex, as you said.

Why is it the case that discussing being bisexual or gay is immediately something private that goes on in the bedroom and should be hidden from the workplace, but being heterosexual is normal, acceptable, and perfectly civilised to discuss?

This 100%.

Who, exactly, is discussing ‘being heterosexual’ at work. I’m heterosexual and have never felt compelled to discuss my sexuality with anyone.

Nobody thinks bisexuals talking about their private lives must mean they’re discussing sex. The point people are trying to make, is that nobody needs to be explicitly aware of the sexual orientation of their co workers. Daniel wants to talk about abseiling at the weekend with his partner Neil, crack on - if that’s the working environment you have. Same as Pat from accounting might talk about her and her husband seeing the grandkids yesterday. Do we need to explicitly be told what sexuality those individuals identify as? No. They’re just people. At work. Performing a role. No further information required, unless someone is desperate to share - and that applies to hetero, homo or bi.

Why though? I wouldn't presume that anybody has more than one partner at a time and if I knew you I might ask a general question about your partner (I wouldn't assume male or female with anybody). Why would you not be able to answer or feel free to just bring up your partner in conversation?

Is it that you would need to say that you're bi-sexual, specifically? I know that some people make jokes about 'hedging their bets', those are quickly shut down amongst decent folk, but I do not understand the nuance of bisexuality in that you're hampered in a way that gay/lesbian people are not?

It's not just my workplace; most places that I've seen (and I'm more aware because of my boss) are 'enlightened' and accepting of anybody and everybody, regardless of sexuality. It's become almost a non-issue in that if you're human and decent (not going to smash the place up) then you're golden.

I've read your points in the e-mail you suggested and to be honest, I would be very annoyed to be asked those questions and would give very short shrift to anybody who asked them. I'm straight and wouldn't like it so, what is different?

I'm sincerely trying to understand, I'm not being obtuse but at the same time, I don't expect that anybody has to educate me either so feel free to ignore my post if it's annoying.

Another bisexual woman dying of cringe here.

I wouldn’t be offended because they’re not particularly offensive comments. I’ve had similar about being left handed, or not having children, you can’t go through life expecting never to be offended, you can’t force dickheads to cease to exist, so the key is to manage your own reactions. It doesn’t have to impact you in the slightest, you’re choosing to let it. If someone had beaten you up because you were bi, or continuously harassed you, or painted slurs on your front door, then I’d understand, but this is so minor.