GP reception made a mistake and then gaslight me

[Pointedy]

I was expecting a gp appointment today over the phone. However, there was a mistake and apparently the gp called yesterday. I did see some missed calls but I don’t pick up unknown numbers as my number is clearly on a database used by fraudsters (get a lot of fraudulent calls from call centres. I rang up and informed the receptionist there must have been a mistake as when I booked i made a note that the appointment would be on my ex wedding anniversary. I immediately put the appointment in my phone as I am not good with dates.

I explained and the receptionist refused to believe me and said it’s easily done blah blah. Asked why I wouldn’t pick up a call. The next appointment is in 3 weeks.

I have terrible anxiety (the issue I was calling about). For the past 6 months I have had constant butterflies. And it feels like the night before sitting an exam all the time.

what can I do? I guess I could pay for a private gp but not sure they would give me the old medication I was on. I had a psychiatrist who I gradually stopped seeing due to agoraphobia/complete giving up on life. My gp would fill out the scripts this psychiatrist sent. Not sure a new gp would want to prescribe me pregablin which is highly controlled.

I get we all make mistakes but I really need help

Hey op. To get immediate support without having to talk on the phone text “Shout" to 85258. I’ve done it before.

Next google your local NHS mental health trust and see if you can self refer (often you can) to get the ball rolling while you wait for your appointment. Try and get on a group CBT course. You can do remote ones by zoom/teams where you don’t have to have camera and can mute mic and just type your responses as you build confidence. Hearing from others who feel the same is invaluable. 💐

What’s wrong with the people telling the OP off, while ignoring the fact that she is mentally unwell and posted for support?
Nothing wrong not answering unexpected unknown calls, 99.9% of the time it’s a scam.

Wow the lack of empathy on this thread is astounding.
OP I have been there, I had very bad anxiety at the start of the year to the point I couldn’t leave the house and I completely understand the amount it takes out of you to be proactive and make appointments when you feel like this.
Can you try and muster up the strength to call in the morning and ask for an emergency appointment? If they won’t give you one, call 111 and say you can’t get an appointment with the GP.
I promise it can get better, once I finally got on the right medication it was like a weight had lifted and I look back and can’t believe how ill I was.

NHS 111 now have a dedicated mental health line so that's worth a try.

You can also access crisis mental health support in an emergency eg risk of suicide by calling 999 and asking for a call back from a mental health clinician.

Both of the above can refer into secondary mental health services in the same way as GO

Not ideal but those will help you get through 3 weeks until you can speak to the GP.

It’s shocking how mean people can be.
They pick one phrase from the op and batter the poor person all through the thread.
It actually shows a lack of good reading comprehension on the part of the pp’s.

Sorry you're going through this OP and some people should be ashamed of their replies. Please ignore them.

I think it is worth getting a private gp appointment if you can afford it. I've done them on an app for about £30. They might not prescribe the drug you want but they might help you in some way and alert your gp to the severity of your anxiety.

Meanwhile, do you know breathing excercise like box breathing which helped me when I had anxiety. Also EFT helped. There's a YouTube guy called Faster EFT and he teaches a really quick simple version. It's not drugs but it's something to try and calm you. Also look up Sensate. It's probably the thing that helped me the most as I had terrible racing heartbeats and couldn't catch my breath during anxiety attacks and it gets me out of them.

Sending you solidarity and strength. Hope you get this sorted soon.

Ime, if you call back and explain it is a mental health issue and you are really struggling, they suddenly find an available slot. Can you do that? Maybe email if phoning feels hard. You could ask to be prioritised for any cancellations as it was a genuine mistake and also maybe explain that you didn't pick up the phone the previous day precisely because of anxiety - you weren;t expecting the GP's call that day and try to avoid cold calls..

God for you for being proactive. I know how very hard it is to summon that courage to take the first tsep and then to be knocked down. It feels like an impossible mountain to climb all over again. But you will get seen. And it will all get better.

I really don't get people who 'won't answer unknown numbers' If it's somebody trying to sell you something then just hang up immediately on them. You're just creating more work and more drama for yourself and people who are trying to help you. The TPS that some people have is even more irritating. Expecting everyone who matters to you to listen to irritating voice message and state their name before you'll grace them with your presence because you apparently don't know how to hang a phone up....

OP it is what it is. You missed your appointment. You're just going to have to accept that. If you need urgent help then you have lots of options. Call Samaritans/999/your local crisis team tonight or request an urgent appointment with your GP in the morning. I'd be very surprised if your surgery haven't already told you this though...

I have my sisters and a couple of close friends. I just have put them all through so much for years and years. I feel bad for bringing them down all the time. I used to be really bad with keeping on top of my meds (just out of being unwell and not with it). My sisters would literally drive to my house in the middle of the night to check on me if they got a bad vibe. Bless them. I will try to resolve this but it’s scary how large a task this feels. It hoghlights how bad I have got.

They didn't pick one phrase it was the title of the thread but that's neither here nor there.

OP, mistakes do happen, humans are fallible. What matters is what happens next. Second everyone saying call 111.

Also, unrecognised numbers cause anxiety to the best of us. In some ways I think it was so much better when phones had no caller ID and just rang and you decided whether you picked up based on your mood as you'd have no clue at all who was calling. Even with the amount of scam calls these days, it's worth answering calls from unknown numbers as more often than not, they are not nefarious and anyway, the power is always in your hands to hang up and block if you wish to.

You've got this, OP, it's an emotional storm but you can get through it.

Ring 111 option 2 to access 24/7 mental health support. We've had it in Wales for a while but I believe NHS England have now rolled it out.

I'm so sorry you're not feeling well and I'm sorry you've had to deal with some people thinking it's ok to pick on you. Anxiety is no joke and quite debilitating. I know you're anxious about ringing the GP so I wonder if a sibling or good friend could ring on your behalf and explain the situation and get you a same day phone appointment. Or they could ring 111. That way they can deal with making the appointment. Hopefully with one less thing to cope with, you'll feel ok to answer the phone and get through the questions. The sooner they prescribe your medication the sooner you'll feel better.

Well done for taking the step to even make the calls in the first place. It's not easy xx

Definitely not gaslighting. Gaslighting is when someone uses psychological methods to manipulate you into questioning your sanity. This just sounds like one of you has made a genuine mistake and neither of you believe you’re the one responsible.

However I hope you get something sorted soon OP - definitely try 111 and see if they can get you a GP appointment elsewhere

request electronic access to your medical records - hat way you can see any scheduled appointments online.

Ring 111 option 2 for urgent Mental health support - now up and running in England - they will be able to provide support and sign post you to the appropriate service. A private GP may be uncomfortable prescribing pregabalin without full access to your notes / back story

Answer your phone. Yabu. However phone up and request an appointment or phone call again.

So many bloody harsh replies on this thread. I've had lots of dealings with different organisations recently including the NHS and people's lack of attention and inability to listen is off the scale. I'm actually amazed when something goes well these days.

The receptionist made a mistake. You know that. She's completely unable to understand why you couldn't or wouldn't answer the phone. Don't argue the toss, it's a waste of energy and will make you feel worse.

Definitely see if you can get an earlier appointment. E-consult is great if you want to avoid the phone. 111 also has an online form.

Hope you get sorted soon. x

I can’t believe how unkind so many posters have been. Reading about someone feeling highly distressed and then choosing to nitpick about answering your phone and the definition of gaslighting. Just so unnecessary and unkind.

Im so sorry to hear you are feeling like this OP. Forget about the missed appointment. Just use all the energy you can muster to call the GP and explain how bad things are and ask how to be seen sooner. Explain that you are concerned for your safety if you have to wait 3 weeks. Good luck xx

Op do you work? Many companies have an employee assistance programme you can access.

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but, when I was at my lowest I turned up at the surgery and told them I need to see someone now, I was a mess and really don’t even remember how I managed to get myself there. They saw me within a little while and I got the medication I needed, meds I’d taken myself off during a manic episode, really daft idea by the way, I wouldn’t recommend it.

Does the surgery do next day emergency appts? Try to get one of those? Or if you can, pay privately to get the meds you need?

Call tomorrow and ask for an emergency appointment. My practice prioritises mental health issues amongst others.

Do you think the GP rang a day early, or that the receptionist told you the wrong date eg “you have an appt on 25th sept” then actually booked it for 24th? I realise your anxiety is the main concern here and some posters have given good advice. If the wrong date issue is bothering you (which it presumably is as it’s in your thread title), you could ask the practice manager to check. Most GP practice software allows you to do a “slot audit” and will show a trail of who booked the slot/when it was booked/if your booking was changed etc. And telephone records can usually be checked too. You can request this information in writing if it’s too stressful to ring again.

If you have serious health problems and need to accept a cancellation and last minute call then you do need to answer calls from unknown numbers.

I get that its unpleasant, I find it unpleasant, downright puke making at times.

Write yourself a script for answering the phone. Stick to it. Hang up if its not someone you want to talk to.

Examine what exactly it is you're afraid of here - because whats the worst the person on the other end of the phone can actually do, yell at you? swear at you maybe?

I really do know how it feels, I used to take incoming calls for work, for about 2 years we did this. I would know it was a work call but nothing else, no idea what the callers issue was, what help they needed... nothing!

The opening script helped a lot - and knowing the people calling really needed help and reassurance and were therefore equally as or more terrified than me also helped.

I haven't 'got over it' having done it for a few years and im really glad we don't do it now... but you can do it if you have to, if you want to.

Hi, I'm sorry you're having a hard time and have been in a similar position, GP called whilst I was on the way to face to face appointment I'd made, missed the call and they wouldn't have it that I was right, there was no way I'd have made a telephone appointment because it was something the GP needed to see...
I would suggest calling crisis it Samaritans, a lot of people on this forum won't understand how you're feeling, so the advice wont work for you .
God, also have to keep some appointments for the same day, these will only be released that morning, usually 8am/ 8.30 am, so it might be best trying phone then x

Ok so I don’t think she is trying to gaslight you. That’s answering your original query and people are allowed to disagree. Somewhere a mistake was made, either their side or yours. They tried to call you three times.

You do need to get urgent help now, I would second you calling 111 or Samaritans.

You need to try and work on being able to answer your phone. As you might miss other important stuff. Focussing on the GP being in the wrong is not the thing to get hung up on now.