To think MIL is being unreasonable and there's nothing wrong with hand-me-downs?

[Ladyofeternalleisure]

I have DS1 (almost 5y) and DS2 (3y). Once the eldest has outgrown his stuff it goes straight into younger sons wardrobe. I keep pretty much everything, from coats and jackets to t shirts and pyjamas. I get rid of bobbly stuff and anything with rips and tears or stains that won't come out. That doesn't mean DS2 never gets anything new. I occasionally pick bits up for him in the sales, or if he needed something like pjs or trainers. But he doesn't usually need anything as I already have it saved from ds1.
Recently mil and fil saw the boys in their winter coats which I just took out from storage. Ds1 had a brand new one on and ds2 was wearing ds1's old coat from last year. Still in fantastic condition and was only worn for a few months. They've been making comments to DH asking why we're always dressing him in old clothes. I mean he's a 3 year old he literally couldn't care less what he's wearing? He wouldn't even know or remember that it's his brothers old coat. And it's not like he never has new stuff just for him as I'm regularly going sales shopping. So were they being unreasonable??

Neither of my kids get anything new anymore, we buy everything on Vinted.

I still do this at 7 and 9. Less so as 7 yr old is catching 9 yr old up. They don't care. 7 yr old says "oh I can have that now it doesn't fit...."

I think yabu on one hand and not on the other. On one hand, your one DC gets lovely new things all the time and your other DC doesn't. That is unfair. But on the other it's absolutely right financially and for the environment to reuse. The route forward is probably vinted so both DC are predominantly secondhand with both getting some new here and there

The oceans are filling up with microplastics from peoples clothes. Does your MIL care about a future that isn't completely toxic for your DS' ? Her attitude is a sad reflection on outdated thinking that is thankfully changing as people become more conscious about whats really important !

Yeah she is being U. It's normal to do this and surely one of the benefits of having a small age gap between children, especially when they're the same sex too.

My son’s stuff was all kept, and used by my nephew, then my DD. After that I passed it on ( along with my DD’s own stuff ) to friends. It’s so lovely to look at photos of them all now, decades later! As you say some of it is barely worn, such a waste not to reuse.

You are right, but especially if they grew up poor it will be a real sensitive spot with them. I would try to have compassion for them really, if this is the case.

Otherwise a snippy “don’t feel entitled to spend my money please” should do the trick

YANBU I do this with three. I couldn't afford not to. Younger ones get nice new things as needed.

I love good quality second hand clothes and hand-me-downs from close family members have a special feel for me, a certain nostalgia. I bought lots of neutral/“boys” clothes for my DD in case I had a son (which I did) and it was just lovely to see them both in those clothes at various points during their childhood.

Pair of silly tits.

I totally get what your saying - and if I have two of the same genders I would totally do that but I don’t, however I reuse trainers, football boots, when I do look at it - first child is always dressed in new trainers and football shoes - my second always has the used ones and white trainers, after a fair few wears looks grey… so this year I’ve bought new ones for both…

My only quibble is why are you buying new for the 5yo when it's much cheaper and better for the planet to buy used clothes on vinted or ebay. I very rarely buy anything new for myself, and not just because of cost.

Love a hand me down here. The youngest wasn't bought anything new till his first Xmas when he was nearly 1! I buy from charity shops and vinted and will even get uniform from the pre loved sales at school. I don't understand why people can be so stuck up about it.

My in-laws are similar, they would rather buy 10 plastic dresses from shein, than buy nicer quality second hand items for the same money. Even if it’s barely worn. The quality stuff will last longer, it’s a false economy.

I’ve bought lots of designer stuff from Vinted, they always compliment it. I just say it’s from the original shop and they cannot even see the difference so I don’t see why it matters.

As a GM I can understand her thoughts.....poor younger grandchild living in cast offs.

I'd immediately want to buy new clothes for poor deprived 2nd Grandchild. 😀

As a parent I used to do exactly the same as you.

Not necessarily. Neither of my parents had a pot to piss in as kids and they think hand me downs are great. I agree there are some people who are as you say, but it can also imbue people with the idea that it's an easy way to be frugal.

She'd have a seizure if she knew about me. I had two cousins older than me and two younger sisters and I can remember one favourite dress that we all wore. Absolutely nothing wrong with hand me downs. Over 50 years ago we really knew about recycling.

Pretty much all of dd's clothes, apart from shoes and underwear, were from charity shops until she was old enough to be interested in fashion and to ask to go clothes shopping for new clothes (almost all of my work wardrobe is from charity shops so no double standards).

A 3 year old won't know any different but if your older ds gets new clothes then, as he gets older, the younger ds will want some new stuff too.

I used to get hand me downs from my mum's friend's dd. I was happy about it because they were unfamiliar so seemed new (even though I knew that they weren't). But my younger sister wasn't keen on having something 3rd hand that had been passed from the friend to me and then to her.

She is being extremely unreasonable! We produce too many clothes due to fast fashion and we are leaving the planet in a lousy condition for our children and grandchildren. My DS is happy and proud to wear things his brother used to wear! And I get some second hand clothing for my older DS as well. I can't believe people are still saying things like this knowing the state of the planet. It's one thing to buy New clothes for an adult who can keep them for a very long time. Children grow out of their clothes very quickly, It's madness to buy everything new !

On principle it makes sense, but it does seem unfair that your dc1 always gets new stuff (maybe gets to pick what he likes) and dc2 just gets what he's given. They're still young so not an issue now, but as dc2 gets older he may feel more aggrieved especially if they like different styles.

It’s a very normal thing to do.

A good friend emigrated when DS was about 4. She had two boys about 5 and 7. She very kindly passed on virtually all the boys clothes to me a day or so before they left.

DS didn't get any brand new clothes, apart from shoes and a winter coat for about 3 years. Then I passed a lot of them on elsewhere.

So I have no issue with hand-me-downs. But I do feel a bit sorry for your younger one. Probably doesn't matter at his age, but be aware he might notice in a year or so, and might harbour hidden thoughts about being "less important" than his older brother. So as long as you bear this in mind and look out for any signs of him being bothered as he gets older, then crack on.

My children still don't care what they wear at 11 and 14. Admittedly they are boys🤣 but still... And I do get new clothes from special brands/manga they like but the basics are used.

There is a series of photos of my grandchildren and some of their cousins and friends' children all showing off the same babygro, it became a bit of a 'thing' to have a photo in that babygro.

I have 4 daughters and EVERYTHING gets passed down (they do get new bits too). The kids absolutely love it when I come down from the loft with an entire new wardrobe for them! It’s having to stop with my 10 year old as she has different style ideas from my 13 year old but I got a pretty good run with her!