To think MIL is being unreasonable and there's nothing wrong with hand-me-downs?

[Ladyofeternalleisure]

I have DS1 (almost 5y) and DS2 (3y). Once the eldest has outgrown his stuff it goes straight into younger sons wardrobe. I keep pretty much everything, from coats and jackets to t shirts and pyjamas. I get rid of bobbly stuff and anything with rips and tears or stains that won't come out. That doesn't mean DS2 never gets anything new. I occasionally pick bits up for him in the sales, or if he needed something like pjs or trainers. But he doesn't usually need anything as I already have it saved from ds1.
Recently mil and fil saw the boys in their winter coats which I just took out from storage. Ds1 had a brand new one on and ds2 was wearing ds1's old coat from last year. Still in fantastic condition and was only worn for a few months. They've been making comments to DH asking why we're always dressing him in old clothes. I mean he's a 3 year old he literally couldn't care less what he's wearing? He wouldn't even know or remember that it's his brothers old coat. And it's not like he never has new stuff just for him as I'm regularly going sales shopping. So were they being unreasonable??

My kids LOVED hand me downs. It was actually bizarre, they treated them like gifts - you've given me your old pyjamas, THANK YOU. Anyone can have shop bought clothes but something that someone else loved first - much better. 😃

Yanbu as long as the things are good condition and there's no second hand shoes.

Your inlaws are what is wrong with society. "New" doesn't have to be brand new.

Your 3 year old won't even remember it belonged to his older sibling, and even if he does when he's younger, he won't care. I have 5 years between my boys, DS2 is 8, and I just give him a box of "new" clothes and tell him they belonged to DS1. He loves it! Picks the ones he likes then I give the rest to charity, and if he needs a few more things I buy him a second hand bundle on vinted or eBay.

Society needs to move away from the idea that fashion should be disposable!

What sort of upbringing did your mil have. My mum grew up very very poor during the 40s. I mean hungry, city centre slum poor. Everything she had was a hand me down, even underwear.
She was very funny about me having it. When I was born mum and dad were living in a bed sit she was 29 so not star struck teenagers but dad's business wasn't great neither had much education and dad had a life limiting health condition. He told me after she died that when I was born his brought home some second hand clothes (he was a green grocer) that his customers gave him, she burst out crying as she didn't want me to experience the shame she did in wearing hand me downs.

Completely unreasonable. Attitudes like hers are one of the reasons the planets in the mess it is.

I was the youngest. I certainly inherited some clothes from my sister but I did get some new stuff too. My older sister sometimes got stuff from our older cousin so it wasn't just me. I think that if the clothes are in a decent state and not miles too big then just carry on as you are.

You could buy vinted for the oldest too. Then, as their tastes change, don't keep older child's clothes- resell and buy second hand for second child.

Lots of ways to do it. I try to avoid buying new.

That’s really curious. Is she on a really low amount of income or something?

This is nothing new. I wore my sister’s hand me downs growing up and I am 63. It did get boring when Gran bought two identical dresses in slightly too big sizes for sis & me. Sis wore hers for 2 years - I had the same outfit for 4.
It stops soon enough as kids catch each other up, or one stops growing. But makes total sense otherwise .

She had a normal upbringing - neither poor nor Rich. Just living within their means. Same as me really. She's not extravagant at all, lives a very modest life. She's not the least bit interested in fashion or other people's fashion choices. The comment about all the hand me downs is quite strange coming from her really I just don't get it when you consider the way she lives her own life. She's not snobby, just feels like maybe we're treating the little one second best but that's absolutely not true we're just being conscious of not overspending.

I'm due my 2nd daughter in a few weeks. I intend to reuse everything. Doesn't mean she won't get some new stuff, but mostly hand me downs. We buy most of our stuff from charity shops or vinted anyway. Fast fashion and child slavery in fashion is no joke!

This.

I an fine financially but buy my clothing from Vinted & charity shops for environmental reasons. Tell her you are trying to save what is left of the planet.

Not at all! She's just not very generous in general. She loves the kids to bits but at the same time she is not the grandmother who spoils her grandkids rotten. She finds it very difficult to part with money I think.

Crazy!!! Kids clothes are grown out of in no time, they're getting more expensive and it's really wasteful to only wear them once! I get all of ds clothes second hand and then just buy the odd bit if I want him to have something "good" or if I've not been able to find something specific second hand. It also means I don't stress about him getting dirty or getting paint etc on his clothes when he's playing or at nursery because they aren't brand new.

My husband had issues with this actually, with our 2 boys. His older brother always got new things, and his sister got new things but he only got hand me downs. As he was significantly smaller that his brother even though only 2 years younger, the hand me downs from the previous year were too big so he either had too big clothes or hand me downs from 2 or 3 years ago. So he never had clothes that were ‘cool’ at the time. By the time they fit him, they were daggy.

his older brother was the golden child (still is) so it kind of makes sense.

my 2 boys were the same size by the time they were 10 and 12 anyway.

Think my post was hidden as I mentioned a notorious cheap Chinese brand starting with T which my in-laws love, they would rather slaves make their clothes than buy second hand. Even hand me downs, it’s all about showing that you can afford to buy new. It’s a weird mindset which I can’t understand really.

See that makes sense why your husband felt that way. I just think my 3 year old at this age couldn't care less about these things yet. As the boys get older and start noticing I would never force the younger one to have his brothers cast offs if he doesn't want to. It would be unfair to continue doing that their whole childhoods but surely it's fine right now when they're both so little. I'd hate to think that the little one feels second best

Urgh I hate this mentality

I only have one DD, but 80%+ of her wardrobe is hand me downs from her older cousins or my friends who have slightly older kids.

She genuinely loves it, every time we’re getting her dressed she’ll ask ‘who gave me that’ and is far more likely to choose it if she knows it was either her cousin’s or one of the older friends’ she looks up to first. Not sure how long that will last but for now I’m making the most.

I think on an instinctive level it does feel a bit ‘not fair’ that one of them gets majority new stuff and the other not so much, but when you stop to think about it your way makes far more sense.

This☝️

3 DDs why would I waste money on new clothes when I have perfectly good clothes already.

Even my oldest had her clothes handed down from older cousins which my youngest even wore if they lasted.

They reach a point where they want their own things, different tastes, sizes, which is fine but when little it’s ridiculous to just buy new for the sake of it.

YANBU

My mother is the same way about clothes as your MIL ignoring the fact that autistic DS1 is usually running around in his underpants at home. We do go out for a few hours during the week but not enough to warrant a need for 5+ pairs of trousers. DS2 has more clothes than his brother due to passing them down to him once DS1 outgrew them and 95% of what she bought still had tags on or barely worn.

I’m selling stuff on Vinted now with tags still on it because DS2 doesn’t wear certain clothing and/or it will be at least 3 years before he is able to wear many items that I rather get rid of it than hold onto it knowing it could be worn by someone else. Plus, if he doesn’t like it, I would end up selling it anyway.

My mother loves to shop sales at different stores. Since my sister and I both had girls, she is in heaven buying new stuff for them. She was aghast that I was using some of our sons’s hand me downs for DD1. I put a little coordinating turban or hat and some cute socks and she looked adorable imo.

I buy most of their things on Vinted unless it is something they need right away.

Was she the youngest in her family and always had the hand me downs?
I'm the younger of 3 so always had things third.
Could be annoying although I didn't actually mind until I got a little older - teens.
I buy lots of things off Vinted for my kids now.

I would never pass on shoes.

We have a game in our family, trying to work out if old photos are me or my cousin! There was a 5 year difference, so only coats and party dresses were kept.