To think MIL is being unreasonable and there's nothing wrong with hand-me-downs?

[Ladyofeternalleisure]

I have DS1 (almost 5y) and DS2 (3y). Once the eldest has outgrown his stuff it goes straight into younger sons wardrobe. I keep pretty much everything, from coats and jackets to t shirts and pyjamas. I get rid of bobbly stuff and anything with rips and tears or stains that won't come out. That doesn't mean DS2 never gets anything new. I occasionally pick bits up for him in the sales, or if he needed something like pjs or trainers. But he doesn't usually need anything as I already have it saved from ds1.
Recently mil and fil saw the boys in their winter coats which I just took out from storage. Ds1 had a brand new one on and ds2 was wearing ds1's old coat from last year. Still in fantastic condition and was only worn for a few months. They've been making comments to DH asking why we're always dressing him in old clothes. I mean he's a 3 year old he literally couldn't care less what he's wearing? He wouldn't even know or remember that it's his brothers old coat. And it's not like he never has new stuff just for him as I'm regularly going sales shopping. So were they being unreasonable??

I did this for my 2nd daughter.... until she grew so much they are practically in the same size... also the older one has a different style and different thing suit her compared to the younger one.

I think mil is being unfair, while you can and it works reuse the clothing. Eventually the 2 boys will want different things, save your money until that happens

My 18 year old son still gets hand me downs from his 21 year old brother! I love it when I give something away and I see another kid wearing it too!

Your mother in law needs to get a grip.

My eldest daughter had a coat which she wore for one winter then saved for dd2. I put it away in the loft aiming to gift it to the charity shop but never did, years later I gave it to my sister for my niece. It was a little big but still like new and she got 2 winters out of it. It’s now 12 years old and been through 3 children. Last week I saw my sisters friend at the shop and her daughter was in the coat! I said ooo lovely coat, friend laughed and said oh yer your sister gave us it she said it was DDs. The coat looked fine and her DD didn’t know its history.

The coat was originally about £20 in this time £100+ could have been spent on coats not to mention the environmental impact.

You’re not unreasonable at all! My 2nd girl has always had her sisters hand me downs and now they are being passed on to my niece. Also nothing better than finding lovely bargain kids clothes in charity shops that have hardly been worn. My kids love a charity haul!

My 22 yr old daughter hands things down to her 16 yr old sister and she loves it! You in-laws are idiots

I had 2 boys 17 months apart up until the age of about 6 my youngest only really ever got new shoes, pants and socks, with the odd occasional new item as needed.
Once they were a little older they started having a very different style, my younger one is sporty so only ever wears sports stuff and my older one who has some sensory issues over clothes will only wear certain joggers, t-shirts and hoodies so hand me down clothes aren’t an option anymore.
I just used to think the money I saved when they were little meant that I was able to do more with them, toddler music classes etc and they honestly don’t care when tiny ifs it’s new or their older siblings

Yes and no.

Be careful your younger one doesn't grow up thinking he never had new clothes, only your older one.

Fine at the age they are now but please don't do it at school age.

I love a hand me down. I have fond memories of my (much wealthier) aunt bringing a big black bag of my cousins cast offs. It was like Christmas. I have 3 boys (16, 9 and 8) and they have all had second hand and been happy with it. Just the other day I brought a big box down from the loft of the teenager's stuff I'd been saving and the younger two were almost fighting over some of the t shirts. My youngest (2) is a girl and we know few people with daughters so most of her clothes are new, but not all.

I have 2 sons, both get new stuff, but yes second boy gets some of his brother's clothes when he outgrows them. That's always been the way. My youngest is a girl, I don't have anyone with a daughter older than her so she gets all new, but I do have friends with daughters younger than mine so you can bet I pop off that message saying I've got X, Y and Z, do you want? I like saving myself money not having to buy a whole new wardrobe every season for my 2nd child, and I like helping my friends save a bit of money cos children are expensive 😂

At 3yo, it's not really an issue but as he gets older, he may not want hand me downs all the time but on the whole, it's OK.

I’ve 2 girls 3 years apart and did this until this year. Everything was kept. When it came back out 3 years later and was washed I’d sometimes get rid of bits than had gone out of style for example. Or if my eldest was into a particular colour it might not all pass down to the youngest who likes a different colour. But most things were reused. It was only in recent years (they’re teens) when the youngest started to have an opinion on what was being offered that I started getting rid of more. Bit school uniforms all got passed down (until the primary school changed colours 😂🤦‍♀️). My youngest hasn’t grown at the same rate as the eldest so for now she’s onto new stuff as I don’t have anything on her size as eldest jumped from kids to smaller adults and now wears the same as me - in fact she started taking some of my outgrown clothes for herself but has more recently overtaken my size wise. Lol.

This is a very normal thing to do. Your in-laws are being daft. It sounds like you’re conscious that your youngest’s opinion may change as he grows, you already get him some new bits anyway and you filter out the stained stuff. Sounds perfect to me!
They’d think I’m even more outrageous, because I’m victimising 1 child out of 3 (not 2). I’ve got girl, girl, boy. So middle child gets mostly hand me downs, whilst the other two get ‘new’. I say new, it’s either sale (like you do) or Vinted/hand me downs from friends/family. I don’t make a big thing of where their clothes come from. Most of them just appear in their wardrobe. And I’m getting more and more of their books and toys second hand now and being very upfront about that, as I’d like them to see it as the norm.

Tell them, if they want your son to have new clothes, they can buy them.

My daughter (6) gets loads of hand me downs from my son (9). She'll get some new stuff too including dresses etc and like you I get rid of stuff that's stained but lots of her clothes were once her brother's. She is absolutely happy with this (she'd choose joggers over a dress any day and will look forward to clothes she likes of his becoming hers) and it's a chance to talk to them both about minimising our impact on the environment etc and also a nice way to reinforce the message that all colours/clothes are for everyone regardless of sex. Most families I know do the same, I think it's bizarre that your PiLs would even comment. Ignore them!
.